Things Aren’t Better Yet: Hope Fatigue on International Women’s Day

This article was originally published on March 8, 2023 at SonyaDreizler.com.

I've seen enough.

Today is International Women’s Day, and we’re a week into Women’s History Month. Much of what I have read and heard in the last week fits neatly into these four well-worn themes.

1. Let’s make things better for the next generation of women!
2. Highlight successful women as role models for inspiration.
3. Spotlight women because the spotlight is good for their careers.
4. Keep fighting for your equality, ladies!

You know what? I am ready for a different message.?And it’s not just me; the simmering discontent from women friends and colleagues is palpable. “Celebrating” International Women’s Day with meaningless hashtags and corporate platitudes feels dismissive of the levels of inequity we continue to face.

So here is my refresh of the 4 themes above:

1. Stop Fighting For (Just) Next-Gen Women
2. Stop Making Us Role Models for Surviving a Broken System
3. Stop Giving Women The Spotlight (Just) Because It’s Good For Their Careers
4. Fighting for Women’s Equality is Not (Just) for Women

1. Stop Fighting For (Just) Next-Gen Women

I have been hearing about how we must “make things better for the next generation” since I was part of the next generation. Now, I am firmly middle-aged and things aren’t better yet. Perhaps some areas are incrementally better than 30 years ago, and maybe even significantly improved since 60 years ago. But we have not reached equality at scale; not socially, in government, in healthcare outcomes, nor in business.

If we only fight for gender equity for future generations, that elusive equal future will never arrive. As each year passes, we move the goalposts forward by another year.?

I’m tired of the facade.?

When we relegate the goals of equality initiatives to benefiting only the next generation, we not only lengthen this fight, but we also tacitly agree that it is fine that things are messed up right now, as long as we make them better by the next generation.

I’m not building toward an elusive future for somebody else.?

I am not doing this work just for the next generation.?

I’m doing it for me. And for you. And for the women who came before me, those who are next to me, and, yes, for the next generation as well. I want equal rights, equal pay, equal representation, and equal voice for all of us. And I want it now.

We need and deserve better right now.

Right now, we need pay equity across the board, and equal representation in all of the rooms where decisions are being made. And that equal gender representation should not just be from white women but by Latina, Black, Asian, Pacific Islander, and Indigenous women as well.?

Right now, we need equity and justice for the women who came before me, for my generation, and for younger women in the workplace.

When the next generation of women does arrive, may they be able to walk into a room of executives and not instantly want to leave because they stick out like a sore thumb.

If we care about next gen women as much as we say we do, then let us stop kicking the corporate platitudes down the road each year, lest the next generation end up with the same broken promises and vague wishes for the future of their daughters. Let us instead shorten our time horizons so that by the time the next generation arrives gender equality has been normal for decades, and the question of whether one belongs in the room is not even an idea women regularly consider.

2. Stop Making Us Role Models for Surviving a Broken System

I don't want to be the one in a million role model. I'm tired of being held up as an example so other women can see that they have a shot at success in our industry if they claw for every advancement, fight tooth and nail for each raise, work in discriminatory environments, and stick it out well past when reasonable indicators suggest they should leave.

I want women to not even question whether they belong, whether their voice will be valued, whether they’ll be able to stick it out. (Can you imagine this luxury?) I want us to know success is possible and our contributions are valued because equal representation in the boardroom, in the C-suite, management, on stages, and in the media is the norm.

I want women’s success and equal treatment - at all levels of business - to be the norm, not a lone tale of survival.

3. Stop Giving Women The Spotlight (Just) Because It’s Good For Their Careers

In Women’s History Month messaging as well as in my work at Choir, I’ve heard arguments that giving women the opportunity to speak on stage or be quoted in the media is good for their careers. This is absolutely true. ?? And it’s not the only - or even the best - reason to pass the mic.?

Listen to women because you will learn from them.

For media: interview and quote women in news stories because their knowledge makes stories better. Listening to women - and especially women of color - doesn’t just improve existing stories, but also uncovers yet-to-be-told stories. (Shoutout to Laura Zelenko for always driving this point home in her work.) Include the voices of women in media coverage because doing so makes stories more interesting, illustrates a fuller and more accurate picture of what is happening, and attracts a wider audience.

Similarly, for conferences and events: put women on stage because they are brilliant and have valuable insight to share - not just with other women, but for the entire business community. We all benefit from considering new-to-us perspectives, new types of leadership, rethinking the status quo, keeping what works, and bringing forward more effective ways of doing business. Put women on stage because all attendees benefit from hearing a wide variety of ideas, because who speaks changes who we see as leaders, because speakers influence the direction of a company or an industry, and because a diverse speaker lineup attracts a broader base of attendees.

When we showcase women’s ideas and leadership the impact is so much bigger than (just) her career.

4. Fighting for Women’s Equality is Not (Just) for Women

We all - including men - stand to benefit by treating women’s equality like the urgent cause that it is.?

Men, we need you in this fight. Don’t?(just) fight for your daughter's sake. Fight for your mom, your sister, your colleagues, for women you don’t know, and fight for yourself. Because men benefit from women’s equity too.?

Need ideas on how you can help? I’ve got you covered with How to be an Active Ally to Women in Finance and Say The Right Thing: Allyship Phrases You Need to Know.

Let us all fight together - with necessary urgency - for women’s representation and equity at work.

. . .

This Women's History Month, let us finally discard the idea that elevating women's voices should be done solely in service of the next generation of women, or to help women’s individual careers, or to illuminate the (false) idea that if one woman can make it to the top, anybody can. And let us also dispose of the notion that women alone should be the only ones fighting for gender justice.

Instead let us use this Women's History Month to commit to measurable action for the entire year, and beyond. Commit to listening to women, hiring women, promoting women, retaining women, and pursuing gender equity and representation at every level of business - not just for the next generation of women, but for everyone.

Want more? Read all of my writing on gender, book me to speak at your next event, or check out my work at Choir.