THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS “MY TRUTH”

“My TRUTH”

DON’T SAY IT. DON’T EVEN THINK IT.

A simple search for “My TRUTH” in Google gives back about, 2 BILLION, 260 MILLION results and the last search for this dream of “truth” was 0.54 seconds ago.

I don’t knock it.

For many it is a cry for an ‘Empathetic Witness’, someone, anyone, to tell them what they felt, thought, or believed, was valid. IT IS. But it is what you felt, thought, or believed was at one specific moment in time, it was from your perspective, at that time.

Trauma is defined by psychologists as the “lack of an empathetic witness”. As a result, we hold on to things too tightly, and remain fixed at one point of time, reliving over and over again the same nightmare scenario. Constantly looking for someone to STOP THE MADNESS. To tell us it was wrong, it shouldn’t have happened. In the absence of this witness, we get into a lot of trouble. One way, we as a society have managed to ingeniously circumvent this response, is by trying to take back our power by claiming the validity of “my TRUTH”. Once again, I don’t knock it, it can be very empowering to not need validation.

However, it would be more accurate and beneficial to say; what I felt, from my perspective, what I thought, what I believed, on this day, at this time, was...

But it is not the TRUTH.

The TRUTH, ALL CAPS, is defined as; ‘based on FACT or REALITY’. That means it has a “receipt” as it were. It is NOT a feeling or thought which are subject to change, but rather it is a fixed point of FACT. This did indeed happen on this day, at this time. That is the truth.

How we felt about it is our opinion, thought, feeling, or belief, based on how we choose to frame the event.? If we decide that it is any one of the former, we leave ourselves space for GROWTH, we leave ourselves space for new perspectives and learning, we leave ourselves space to CLAIM A WIN. No matter what happened, there was something, no matter how infinitesimally small, that we gained as a direct result of the event. There is no such thing as a one-sided coin, piece of bread or paper.

WE give ourselves the chance to SEARCH for the positive and therefore take our power back in a more transformative way, this happened, BUT WE STILL WON.

This is GROWTH, this is a GROWTH MINDSET.

Victim, to VICTOR.

Let me start from the beginning on why I am so passionate about stopping the use of the term “my Truth”.

I know someone very intelligent who consistently uses this statement, as a result she has not grown psychologically for decades. Everything is someone else’s fault (I think we all know someone like that), they repeat patterns, and they don’t see their part in it. Things happen to them, and they double down insisting on “their truth”. They are not in harmony with REALITY.

‘My Truth’ creates a FIXED MINDSET.

When we attach the word “Truth” to anything it has gravitas, we know what it means, it means we are trustworthy, reliable, full of integrity. What happens when we get more information or another perspective about the situation? We are stuck. Do we identify ourselves as liars, untrustworthy and so on and so forth. Do we accept the new information or choose to create cognitive dissonance? She has decided that she can’t back down, and so she is stuck in a ‘cleft stick of her own cutting’ (J.R.R.Tolkien) where the only way out is to ?incorporate new information into previous thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. If you know someone so brittle that they look like a vase suspended in the air just before it hits the ground with a GREAT CRASH, this is probably the crossroad that they stand at. ‘Their Truth’ conflicts with REALITY.

We can’t move forward unless we can embrace growth, new perspectives, new information. We won’t even be able to choose a path forward, so fixed is our mind.

I have been betrayed, and the simple perspective change given to me that snapped me out of the pain was; ‘Self-preservation is a primary law in nature’. Just that statement alone put me back in the driver’s seat of my life. Did it make what they did “right”, no, of course not, but understanding the why brought more clarity, more nuance to what could have remained a black and white situation. The anger dissipated, and understanding filled its space. This would not have happened had I embraced the notion of ‘my Truth’. I heard the different perspective, understood, and grew as a result.

I want people to heal their lives, to have more fulfilling lives but the only way lies in having a GROWTH MINDSET. Who you are now is as temporary as the air you just breathed in. You can change, you can grow, but it starts with changing your mind.

GIVE YOURSELF THAT CHANCE.

Part of designing a new life and embracing a future self is letting go or re-framing the past. Claiming previously unseen wins, turning pain into growth and gains, that can be used to fuel the creation of a new you. The methodology I use with clients is journaling.

If you don’t currently have a journaling practice, would like more information on how journaling can help transform your life, or are interested in learning more about ‘Designing Your Life’.

Feel free to ASK ME HOW.

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