They’re like me so that’s ok or is it?

It’s been a while since I posted - April was a crazy busy month. Personal, family and business were all fairly intense in many ways. Exciting proud moments and challenging times. All things I guess that are thrown at us as ambitious humans that every day we all have to deal with. Anyway…

One thing as a devoted dad I have been thinking about, is when you see your child do something or behave in a certain way that you relate to, because you used to be like that, and how you deal with it.

To be specific, I’ve written in the past about my competitiveness growing up. I am still competitive of course and that is never taken away from you, but how you turn up with it in different situations is the important factor. We are who we are, but how we behave differs by the audience and environment and with maturity it gets better.? ??

Kids unfortunately, don’t have the maturity to be able to turn it off and on, it's just always on. For example, my youngest (now 12 years old) is extremely competitive and passionate about his teams. He is a HUGE NY Knicks fan, and unless you’ve been living under a rock in recent weeks, they are in the play offs. Now in the second round against the Miami Heat with the series level at 1-1.?

When he is watching the game, he is living every emotion and frustration like every die-hard Knicks fan. They get a 3 pointer, he’s elated and celebrating. They miss or worse do a turnover, he’s highly critical and seriously upset. All through watching the game, there is little I can say that offers assistance. Whether its empathy, being critical or just commenting. My comments are met with frustration and what it seems occasionally as distaste - like he’s thinking, “I am an idiot”. Now it comes off as direct and frankly rude to me, but I know it’s in the moment and with pent up emotion given the game he’s watching, but after a few times I start to get a little annoyed.

As I reflect here, I realize that at his age I was exactly the same. I used to watch all sorts of sports but was obsessed by Rugby League and followed the Paramatta Eels (don’t judge me fellow Aussies). I lived their ups and downs through the 80’s and 90’s. Even on my wedding day they were playing in the grand final, and my mates at the wedding would comment to me about the game and I struggled not to watch it given the importance of the day. Anyway, when I was a kid, I used to also get deeply upset and lash out when my team lost and be so incredibly happy when they won. And through that reflection I think that my youngest’s behavior well is kind of justified. But is it?

If I spoke to my Dad the way he speaks to me while watching the game, I would have been belted. I am not that kind of father though but I do expect to be spoken to respectfully so when it goes too far, I do reset my comms.

Anyway, after experiencing this a few times, I decided not to get annoyed or frustrated, but rather be quiet. After he gets angry and shares his frustrations at me, I retreat.

Based on this approach, in the last 2 times it has happened, he’ll come up to me and apologize for his behavior after the game. Stating that it was unacceptable and he’s sorry. That he gets caught up with the game and he can’t help himself. Which clearly, I get and admire his courage for saying this and apologizing.

Having said all this, if I wasn’t like this as a kid and didn’t appreciate the emotion, should I have responded differently? More angry? Frustrated? Less empathetic? It’s an interesting dilemma especially across the 4 amazing children my wife and I have. They are different in so many ways. But at the same time offer similarities.?

How do you deal with your kids when they behave a certain way that as an adult you see as not appropriate but as a kid you were exactly the same?