THESIS AND TODDLER TALES-6

Dear Readers of Thesis and Toddler Tales,

?I did it!!

Okay, before I confuse you further, let me fill you in. If you have been following my PhD journey, you will know I kicked off this rollercoaster of a journey in October 2023. And according to my research plan, I was supposed to face the daunting probationary review (which I need to pass to be confirmed as a doctoral researcher) in May/June 2024. However, I was making enough progress that my supervisors suggested I did earlier, which I also hoped for. So I naturally agreed. Fast forward to March 19th 2024 I had my probationary review which included a presentation and panel session with two external examiners that lasted a whooping 3 hours!!! Talk about intensity! It was like being in the hot seat of a high-stakes game show, but I PASSED, and I did so graciously if I had to say so myself.

A few days after my confirmation, a friend commented on my progress juggling multiple responsibilities. My reply was simply “Trying…not giving up (even though the thoughts were not far away)”. And she responded by saying "funny how we don’t see the hidden battles". And let me tell you, there were plenty of those battles between October and now. I questioned why I thought a PhD would be a breeze, I questioned my own capabilities, and the toughest struggle of all was being away from my daughter, a tearful nightly ordeal. By now you might be connecting the dots, recalling from my previous newsletters how I mentioned juggling everything with childcare.

I couldn't keep up. Thankfully, my caring husband came to visit in December 2023, offering much-needed relief. With his support, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders, a sense of lightness I hadn't experienced in months. But as life would have it, duty called, and he had to return home in January 2024. Not before asking how he could alleviate my stress, though. My next plan was to have my sister visit, lending a hand for a few weeks while I tackled my PhD tasks head-on. Unfortunately, her visa application was refused, leaving me frustrated. With the nursery as the last resort, I crunched the numbers only to realize sending her to nursery five days a week would put a hefty dent in our pocket.

After countless sleepless nights, I faced a difficult truth: to succeed in this crucial stage of my PhD, I needed my full attention. So, with just two days left before my husband's departure, I made the heart-wrenching decision to send our daughter with him. It was a soul-breaking moment, tears streaming down my face as I watched her leave. The memory still brings a lump to my throat.

Yes, you read that right. I made an incredibly tough decision to be away from my daughter for almost two months so I could fully commit myself to my Ph.D. It was a decision that weighed heavily on my heart, filled with moments of doubt and guilt. Yet, in those two months, I accomplished more than I thought possible, pouring my heart and countless late nights into my work with undivided attention. It's been a bittersweet experience, to say the least.

If I'm honest, my husband's unwavering support has been my rock throughout this journey. From shouldering the burden of childcare to offering constant encouragement, he and my daughter have been my pillars of strength. I truly don't know what I would have done without them. While pursuing a Ph.D. as a single woman may have been a valid choice, I firmly believe that having my family by my side has made my journey more purposeful. Together, we've created memories, made sacrifices, and cheered each other on every step of the way. I love them with all of my being.

Though the separation from my daughter has been one of the hardest challenges I've faced, it has also been a poignant reminder of the sacrifices we make in pursuit of our dreams.

I hope by sharing my own story you are reminded that behind every achievement, there are battles fought in the shadows. My journey is a testament to the resilience we all possess. So, to anyone facing their own challenges, I urge you to not give up. And to all mothers pursuing their dreams amidst the demands of motherhood, be patient with yourself, shower yourself with grace, and love.

As I eagerly count down the days until I am reunited with my family, I am grateful for their unwavering support. Together, we have weathered storms, celebrated victories, and forged bonds that are unbreakable. As I look ahead to the next chapter of my PhD journey, I do so with a renewed sense of purpose and determination.

Thank you for being part of this incredible journey with me in the last six months. Wishing you all the courage to chase your dreams ?and resilience to overcome any obstacles on your path.

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With loads of love,

A young mom mastering the art of combining PhD and Motherhood

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