There's a saying down south...

My wife has a disability insurance policy she bought before she met me, while she was still a doctor-in-training. It is a good policy and every time we review such things, this policy has remained in our toolbox of coverage, but it is the only product we’ve ever purchased from this particular company.

A year into our marriage, I received a call from the administrative assistant of the “agent” from whom she had purchased the policy. She said,

“Hi Steve, this is Sarah from Agent Smith’s office. He asked me to give you a call, to set up an appointment, to go over some coverage details.”

I found it a little odd, since I did not have a relationship with the agent, my wife the perfectly capable physician did, but since I was handling such details, it seemed prudent to accept. I asked my wife if she’d received a call or if she’d referred him to me, she said neither had occurred... like I said, odd.

I arrived on time at the appointment, but “Agent Smith” was running a little late. I sat in his tired waiting room for fifteen minutes. When he finally arrived, he acted like we were old fraternity brothers. We sat down, and since I was now about to be running late, I tried to get down to business. I asked, “What was it you wanted to go over?” He got this hungry smile on his face and said, “EVERYTHING!”

He then proceeded to ask detailed questions about every aspect of our various insurance coverages and financial instruments. He acted as if I had already agreed to move my entire financial operation into his greedy little hands.

I politely listened to a few minutes of his presumptuous pitch and then said, “so, if you get me to move some accounts to your company, you get a BMW at the end of the quarter?” He smiled again and glibly chirped,

“I got the BMW years ago, I’m way beyond that!”

I stood up. Politely, but firmly I let him know we were happy with the one policy, but I had no interest in moving any of my insurance or other accounts to him. As I walked away, he mock-moaned, “Hey, come back, was it something I said?”

I kept walking.

I received the same phone call from a different admin of Agent Smith, every year for about 5 years. Finally I said, “if you don’t stop calling, I will cancel the one product I do have with you… the calls stopped.”

There are many ways to get a current customer or a prospect to sit down with you. Some are easy, and many of them work, but if they are insincere, it’s worse than no contact at all.

I publish 2-3 times a week here on Linkedin, and every day I get several unsolicited invites, connection requests and emails from the 2022 equivalent of “Agent Smith.” Not one of them has actually looked at my profile or website, and I’m pretty sure more than half aren’t even people. I appreciate hustle, I really do, but there is a saying down here in the south where I now live…

“Don’t piss down my neck and tell me it’s raining.”

That day in Agent Smith’s office, I left soaked and smelly. Next time you’re putting together a campaign to scare up some business, be careful to avoid both forecasting precipitation and reliving yourself.

We all thank you in advance.