There's purpose in our pain

I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t nervous about sharing this with the world.

It’s something I talk about a lot in-person, with my wife and kids, with close friends, and even with my clients and partners. And even though I’ve spoken about it in front of thousands of people in the last decade, it still makes me nervous to share it publicly.

But in the last month I’ve talked with a half dozen people who told me that they had similar experiences in their lives, and that my sharing this story has helped them deal with their own personal struggles.

Here’s the deal.

A few months ago I spoke at the Faith & Fundraising conference. I didn’t talk about fundraising, marketing, nonprofits, or philanthropy.

Instead, I talked about finding purpose in our pain. And more specifically, about understanding that often times what we experience as a set-back in life is really just a step in God’s plan to set us up to do something important in the world, for His purposes.

For nearly 25 years I’ve been a fundraiser and marketer. I’ve helped thousands of nonprofits raise nearly a Billion dollars. And I’ve experienced a lot of personal and professional successes because of that.

But there’s a bigger story that I’m just now comfortable sharing with the general public and the world at large.

It’s a story of deep pain. Of broken trust and a broken home. Of addiction, marital failure, losing everything, and of God’s grace and rehabilitation.

You see, when I was 15 years old we lost everything. My father, a Congregational minister, was also a gambling addict. His addiction cost our family everything – our home, all our worldly possessions, our dignity.

We went from middle class to standing in line for food stamps overnight. We went from living in the house of our dreams to sleeping on other people’s couches and concrete floors. From dignified to disgrace.

It was devastating. I hated my family because of it. I had no idea why our family was forced into this, or why God would let something like this happen.

Fast-forward 30+ years, and the world looks a lot different. And one of the things that I’ve come to learn and appreciate from that situation is that what we often see as set-backs in life, God uses as set-ups for better, more important things.

I’m not going to lie to you. Things aren’t perfect. Some days I still fall back into feeling sorry for myself because of what I experienced as a kid. These early experiences damaged my marriage in ways I probably don’t even fully understand yet. And I’ve not always been the dad I want to be because of the baggage I carry with me from those early life experiences.

It sucks, and some days I feel horrible. Some days I feel sorry for myself. But mostly I just feel guilt for letting these things make me feel sorry for myself and causing me to slip into behaviors that aren’t honoring to my amazing wife and daughters. It’s something I have to actively work on every day. And it’s not easy.

But at the same time, I can see clearly how these experiences early in my life helped me develop a deep and profound understanding of what it means to suffer. To not know where your next meal will come from, or whether you’ll have a safe place to sleep. To not know whether what you love and appreciate will be ripped out from under you tomorrow without any warning.

And I’m blessed today because God chose to use those experiences in my life to fuel more than two decades of work that have allowed me to help fund ministries and other nonprofits that feed the hungry, house the homeless, rescue victims of trafficking, care for the global poor, and reach the unreached with the message of hope in the far corners of the world.

I’ve come to realize that my personal suffering was a set-up for something much greater in the world. And for that, I’m grateful.

What I want you to take away from this is that we don’t suffer in vain. Often, even when we don’t see it initially, there is purpose in our pain. And that purpose often transcends what we can understand in the moment.

Whatever you’re going through today, know there’s hope. There is purpose in every experience you go through, no matter how difficult and hurtful it might be. Don’t give up.

Because there is no greater opportunity than to discover the purpose behind the pain you’ve experienced, and then to use that to fuel care, support, and growth for yourself and others.

Hit me up if this resonates with you.

Andrew