There's a Little Imposter in All of Us

Not often, but there are times I hear this little voice. It hits me hard in times when I’m thinking down about myself, questioning if I am doing something right. Am I being to open? Too loud? Too forward? Too pushy? Should I really say that? Should I say that, that way?

It can be dark, menacing, and it creep up suddenly out of nowhere.

Maybe you hear it in your head too? Taunting and harassing you, telling you that you’re not good enough? Not smart enough? That they’re all going to laugh at you?

I sometimes visualize the little devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other – just like in the Saturday morning cartoons I grew up watching.

I’ll hear the voice whisper at me, so gently at first, “Pssst, they’re on to you.”

I’ll ignore it, like it didn’t happen and continue with my task. But ever so insistent, it will continue, “You’re a faker. They know it.” ?

I ask myself where that voice came from and why won’t it be quiet. I’m not faking anything. I move on.

But, this little devil is bored, and thinks it’s got my attention: “You should probably just admit you don’t know what you’re doing. You got lucky making it this far. They know it, you know it. Just give up.”

It's about this time I turn and hiss at the little devil, trying to shake it off. It can be hard to do that, and I’ll give in. Maybe it’s right, maybe, I don’t know what I’m doing? Maybe I really am doing it wrong? Maybe, I’m a nothing but a fake.

Everything seems distorted like I’m viewing the world through a funhouse mirror.

In those times I find myself battling with this voice, it’s usually because I am trying to drown out the doubt and adjust myself to fit into my own standards instead of someone else’s perception of what I should be. It can be pervasive, persistent, even suffocating. And when praise or recognition comes my way, I find myself having to justify why it happened: I campaigned for that result, or that was a stroke of luck.

Last week, I caught myself in this twice:

• The first time, was when one of my colleagues congratulated me on a recognition I received. I had so much trouble accepting this praise, but they told me that even if this good thing did happen because I made efforts to make it come to life, that I shouldn’t take away from it being a great thing.

Then it hit me: this little voice tricked me into thinking it was MY voice. It didn’t whisper, it didn’t sneak up on me, it flat out mirrored me and infiltrated my thoughts, imitating me until I believed it.

Little devil: How. Dare. You.

• The second time, was when I was speaking to a coordinator for a program that I’m volunteering to participate in. While the coordinator explained how exciting it is to have someone with my level of experience lend themselves to the program, and how much value I could bring, I heard it again. Though she continued to shower me with compliments, I heard the doubt circling in my head, a nagging tone telling me I was in too deep and should tell this woman there’s been a mistake before we’re all embarrassed.

Sorry, little devil, but no one invited you here.

Did you know that just about everyone, at some point in time, experiences imposter syndrome? I really thought I had a handle on it. I thought that I could identify it and brush it off without it bothering me. But this deceitful little villain had it a grip on me without me even realizing it. And so, I did what I know I do best - I read about it.

Among the many studies, articles, blogs, and opinions I found, this study by Joe Langford and Pauline Rose Clance of Georgia State University, ”The Impostor Phenomenon: Recent Research Findings Regarding Dynamics, Personality and Family Patterns and Their Implications for Treatment”, was particularly telling. Langford and Clance outline that:

“Families in which there is a good deal of underlying conflict without channels of expression and without much active support for the child appear to foster these traits. The impostor may be a person who tried to gain support in this dry emotional environment of the home by working excessively hard to please others.”

Ohhhh, okay, so they used my family as a case study.

Or, in a more relevant reality, this is more common than I expected.

In this article on “How to Handle Impostor Syndrome”, I learned: According to a 2020 review, 9%–82% of people experience impostor syndrome. The numbers may vary depending on who participates in a study. Many people experience symptoms for a limited time, such as in the first few weeks of a new job. For others, the experience can be lifelong.

Up to 82% of people quietly shuffle this feeling under the rug?! And it can be a LIFELONG experience?! There’s a lot of us that have some explaining to do.

Nearly everything I read pointed to perfectionism as being a catalyst to imposter syndrome. Well, guilty as charged. I grew up with standards so high that I when I couldn’t reach the bar (forget about clearing it, I’m just talking about reaching the bar), reality was tough to face. I lived in an environment where conflict was a constant, and it was easy it feel lost in the shuffle if you didn’t stand out. But I also felt a certain safety in flying below the radar – don’t attract too much attention, because sometimes even positive attention could warrant extensive explanation. Or sadly, the praise could feel superficial and ephemeral, and subsequently set an expectation for even higher future achievement.

I’ve decided that it's time to silence that voice which has now tried to pass itself off to be my own. I’ve given it enough real estate without charging rent.

The internet is truly a treasure trove of information, and you can keep prescribe yourself all sorts of solutions to help with your problems. But ultimately, you need to find what works best for you. And overcoming something like the impostor syndrome is not an easy fix. I liked Chris Palmer’s story for the American Psychological Association, “How to overcome impostor phenomenon”.

Sound, simple suggestions starting off with:

• Learn the facts - Check!
• Share your feelings - Check!
• Celebrate your successes - Okay, now I have some work to do.

Palmer continues with more recommendations that have made me realize, maybe it’s more than just a little often that I’ve been plagued with imposter syndrome. And that not as many people are immune to this as I had once believed.

There’s a note from my husband that I have taped to my computer monitor and it says:

“Bel,

You’ve got this.”

It’s my simple reminder that the voice that tries to trick me, pretending to be me – that’s the faker. He's right, I do have this. I'm actually kind of a big deal. And I'm going to embrace that.

When you hear that little voice, please, do your best to ignore it. Because, as much as it will try to persuade you, you’re not a fraud, and you’re definitely not alone. Don’t let it be the roadblock that stands in your way from accepting and celebrating your greatness.

You know how to reach me if you need a hand scaling the wall:?comments for the bold, inbox for the brave. You've got this.