A therapist tells you what to do about this election

Therapists aren't supposed to tell people what to do. This is a special exception.

If you’re like me, you’ve experienced a visceral tension in the air for months now. And it’s ramped up ever higher in these final weeks before the official election day here in the US.

We've been bombarded with strong opinions, name calling, ugly threats, incessant ads & mailers, and slanted news stories.

Sometimes I feel like we’re all careening on this chaotic ride without a driver, just waiting for the relief of the eventual crash next week. ??

Well, that’s morbid.

So I’m creating my coping plan for election week and beyond, and some of it is already underway.

Join me.

We've got a number of areas where we CAN grab the wheel and drive ourselves safely through this.

First . . . ? Vote if you've haven't already.

• You’ll get a sense of empowerment & control if you participate?in this chaotic ride in some way.
• If you’re fed up with the presidential race and choose to vote only on local candidates, do that. Try not to let feelings of guilt hold you back from taking some action if you haven't the time or energy to research all the candidates.
• The local candidates are your literal neighbors?and can have significant impact on the way your city programs are run, your daily experiences with traffic & utility services, and decisions about community assets like parks & schools.
• Pick one or a few issues that really matter to your daily life?and see which elected position addresses that. Then identify the candidate that matches your values.?
• Most local news outlets do candidate profiles and make recommendations based on current issues. Let yourself do whatever amount of research or engagement feels doable.
• When it comes to coping, some action is better than no action. Check your registration and voting options here .

Now let's look at 2 election coping categories:

?? 1. Things that you might want to do LESS of

? 2. Things you might want to ADD.

Some of these concepts will be obvious, so instead of glossing over ideas as you read them, pause and ask yourself: what do I want to shift on this one?

Coping category 1: Things you might want to do LESS of.

?? Take in a lot of news.

• Whatever your brain is exposed to, it’s gonna play around with and mull over. So take charge of what your brain gets.
• Choose a few?reliable sources of news, check them a limited number of times per day, and focus your attention onto things that are not so emotionally intense.
• Consider avoiding any news first thing in the morning so you can set your mental trajectory for the day first.
• Avoid news in the hour before bedtime to reduce sleep-interfering anxiety or upsetting dreams.

Reflect: What do you want to change about your news consumption?

?? Engage excessively with social media.

• For most of us there’s a "just right" amount of time to spend scrolling on FB, TikTok, Instagram, etc. Too little, we feel disconnected; too much time, we feel badly in our bodies or guilty about the lost time.
• Experiment with this today - observe what you feel while scrolling and after scrolling. Is this activity helping or hurting you? Consider creating a time limit.
• Use the built-in app limits on your phone, or set a timer. Put your device down and walk away when your scrolling is no longer in a helpful place for you.
• Also consider curating your feed a little bit. Could it help to unfollow certain things right now? Or add in certain things right now?

Reflect: What do you want to shift about your social media use?

?? Interact frequently with people about political issues.?

• If engaging on political topics with people online or in conversation inflames your emotions, notice that.
• Generally, I’m all for thoughtful dialogue and open-minded exchanges of opinions and ideas. However, things are at a fever pitch right now and it may be hard to have meaningful interactions with people about political topics.
• If you’ve noticed that certain places and people create some difficulty coping for you right now, protect yourself.

?Reflect: which interactions & situations do you know inflame your emotions?

?? Have loose boundaries in conversations.

• Building on the previous item - identify boundaries or limits that can help you maintain emotional steadiness or limit escalation.
• Reflect on who you might need to express boundaries with based on your past interactions.
• Prepare a statement that you can say to others if you’ve reached your conversation limit with them. Practice it in advance so it’s easy to deliver.
• “Dad, you and I see these things very differently. Let’s talk about something else or otherwise we can just wrap up the call for now.”
• “Yeah, Susie Coworker, there’s a lot of intense stuff on the news for sure. I’m done talking about it for now. How’s things with your kiddo?”

Reflect: which specific people do you want to set a boundary with?

Coping category 2: Things you might want to ADD.

? A focus on your foundational needs.

• Mind your sleep, nutrition, and hydration. These can be easy places to implement some control in a dynamic that feels out of control.
• All of these easily get off track when we feel in crisis mode or when thoughts and emotions feel out of control.
• Get into bed at a healthy time, be thoughtful about what you’re choosing to eat, increase your hydration and consider limiting alcohol and other substances that inhibit emotional capacity.
• When we attend to these basics properly, we’re less vulnerable to the intense emotions and thoughts that make getting through our days even more challenging.

Reflect: how can I improve on getting the basics taken care of?

?

? Attention to your breathing.

• Your breath is a tool and also a signal. If your breathing is constricted or shallow, it's indicating stress to the rest of your body.
• The breathing process is your body’s natural regulation mechanism. Because you have your lungs & breath with you all the time, you can easily do 2 things easily to help yourself with any election overwhelm.
• You can regulate your breath anytime, any day with minimal effort and no extra cost. Learn specific breathing techniques here.

Ask yourself:?how can I remember to check on my breathing more regularly?

? More time with people.?

• We are social beings. Feeling connected to others is part of our recipe for emotional equanimity.
• It’s much easier to demonize “others” or think society is going to hell in a hand basket when we're isolated.
• The more you can be in proximity with others, the easier it will be to remember how “normal” most people are.
• Extreme stories are highlighted in media but most of us are not extreme. Regular contact with friends and safe people around you can remind you of that.

Ask yourself: how can I get myself around people a little more?

?

? More time with kids or pets.?

• If you have the option for this one, playful contact with children and animals helps to usher in some ease and lightheartedness.
• Being with kids and animals can also ground us in the current moment and pull us out of our worrisome thoughts.
• Also, the physical touch with other living beings provides body regulation on its own and helps lift a heavy emotional state.

Ask yourself: what would it look like to increase time with kids or pets?

?

? Some scheduled “spin out time”

• This strategy comes from our CBT bag of tricks. Here, we acknowledge the reality that things are overwhelming & upsetting & scary right now.
• And so we set aside time to strategically let that sh*t out.? It’s healthy and helpful to dump it out rather than bottling it up. ?
• Schedule yourself a time to give all the upsetting thoughts and feelings a place to land.
• I like to scribble-write it all out by hand, but you can also talk it out with a friend, speak-to-text in an audio file, dump it out in therapy, etc.
• They key is to then walk away from it. Don’t re-visit it. Label it mentally as your “download time” or “clearing out the cache.”
• As upsetting thoughts & emotions resurface later on, remind yourself “that stuff is for download time, not now,” and redirect your attention to something else.

Ask yourself: would it help me to have some regular time to dump out my thoughts & emotions?

?

? Notice what is fine.

• Choose to give extra attention to things that are okay or stable in life right now. Me: I’ve got clean water, food to eat, a working car, clothes that fit, a healthy body, and some caring friends & family. ?
• While there may be a lot of uncertainty and scary rhetoric flying around about the future, the true picture right now is not 100% awful.
• It helps when we prompt ourselves to zoom out and see the whole accurate landscape.
• Consider having a regular practice of identifying at least one fine thing per day. Say it out loud to someone or write it down.

Ask yourself: how could I implement regular reflection on what’s okay?

?

? Laugh.

• The Reader’s Digest was right all along, Laughter is the best medicine.
• Laughter sends a ripple of soothing chemicals through the body, helping to balance out the stress hormone (cortisol) that’s spiked up for all of us right now.
• So, maybe curate your social media feed for funny things. Find and send silly memes to friends. Watch videos of dogs being derps, clips from late night shows or favorite comedians, or search out videos of people falling down, if that’s more your jam…whatever makes you laugh or smile.
• Here’s an article ?about even more ways to release a number of helpful chemicals in your body and brain.

Ask yourself: how could I get more laughter into my days?

?

? Recall what’s worked for you emotionally in the past.

• If you’re feeling hopeless right now, think about past experiences with hopelessness and what helped you through that.
• If you’re feeling scared, reflect on how you’ve dealt with fear or uncertainty in the past. ?
• If you're feeling angry, think about previous situations where you coped with that anger well.
• Track backwards to previous moments of intensity in our society that you navigated, or back to your coping with the pandemic, or back to personal life struggles you've overcome.
• When we reflect on our past times of effective coping, it increases our sense of confidence that we can get through the current moment too.

Ask yourself: what helpful kernels can I gather from my past navigation of difficult emotions?

?

? Move your body.

• Emotions bring energy with them and intense emotions bring a LOT of energy.
• Physical movement helps us to discharge that emotional energy and get it out of our bodies a bit.
• Any kind of movement is helpful. You can increase your activity by adding in some body stretches, doing more home projects, taking longer dog walks, lengthening your normal workout routine, parking further from the entrance, anything that gives your body a little extra time moving about.

Ask yourself: In what ways can I increase my physical movement?

?

? Get yourself outside.

• We’re headed into the cold season so this may require some intentional effort, but it will help you. ?
• Because we are part of nature’s system, we get automatic physical regulation when we’re in close proximity to nature.
• The natural world also helps remind us of the larger picture beyond current turmoil. It brings awareness of the legacy that was here before us and will endure after us.
• You can pop outside for fresh air, take a stroll, play with plants, rake some leaves or sit on the grass. Whatever works in your routine to spend a little time in the natural world.
• If you can’t get outside, nurturing indoor plants or spending some time in a plant nursery can offer a similar sense of grounding.

Ask yourself: how can I weave in some time with nature?

?

? Do things for others or the broader community.

• Give yourself a break from heavy internal thoughts & feelings by focusing outward.
• Consider ways you can contribute something positive to someone (send a card, check in on a?neighbor, find a cause to volunteer with).
• Helping others gets us outside of our own head full of worry and taking action gives us a sense of agency when things seem so helpless.
• Reflect on communities you can re-engage with if it's helpful - spiritual groups, affinity groups, alumni, childhood friends.

Ask yourself: what could I do that will positively shift my focus to other people?

Generally speaking, try to notice if whatever you’re doing is helping you or hurting you.?

• Watching the news nonstop? How’s that impacting you?
• Avoiding people? How’s that impacting you?
• Engaging with political discussions online? How’s that impacting you?
• Eating to soothe your emotions? How’s that impacting you?

Observe what you’ve been doing with your time & mental space and reflect on the impact. Then make small shifts where you can.

You can find more extensive ideas in this blog article about coping with dread and hopelessness.

Here’s my coping plan I’ve already started:

• For the first hour of the day, listening to audio books or music instead of news podcasts.
• Getting outside in my garden daily for 10-15 minutes (weather permitting).
• Playing with my new cat for 5 minutes while I'm waiting on coffee.
• Removing certain news podcasts from my feed for the time being.
• Increasing my morning exercise/stretching time just a little bit.
• Scheduling more social time with others than usual. Calendar is looking robust for the next 3 weeks.
• Participating in a new fun meme texting group with my siblings & spouses.
• Soothing myself by internally repeating Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s wise words "We shall overcome because the arc of the moral universe is long but it bends toward justice."

?

So what’s your plan?

--> What do you want to do LESS of?

--> What do you want to do MORE of?

--> What are you already doing well that you want to continue?

A final thought...

Even if this election goes the way you’re hoping, nearly half of your fellow citizens are going to be sad, scared, angry, or otherwise upset.

We’re going to need each other to be mentally strong if we're to usher all ourselves through this challenge. And we have a lot of work to do.

Though it doesn’t feel like it some days and especially lately, we’re all in this life & community together.

We all want to feel safe & able to freely live our lives. We just have some incredibly different ideas on what that looks like.

So please, for you and for us, start fostering some healthy coping and resilience in yourself so that we can all lean on each other for the healing we need to stay safe & healthy and simply live our daily lives.

?

If you'd like some additional tools for emotion regulation, managing sleep, or coping with overwhelm strategically, take a look at my on-demand video courses.

Explore more mental health & wellbeing content from Heather McKenzie at https://www.mckenziecounseling.org/blog

Cover image photo credit: Amy from Pixabay