“In theory there is no difference between theory and practice, but in practice there is”

Self-Help Books Alone Won't Change Your Life

Originally published on Substack

?? Greetings, it’s Michael. Welcome to my reflection on self-help, habit-building, and the gap between knowing and doing.

In this article, we’ll explore:

• Why reading self-help books alone won’t transform your life
• The three reasons self-help often falls short
• How to move from theory to practice in personal development

Read Time: 6 minutes

This quote is attributed to both Einstein and Yogi Berra. It highlights the stark difference between theorising and the reality of putting ideas into practice. There doesn’t seem to be any evidence that either of them ever said or wrote this quote. Still, it serves as a useful reminder that planning to do something and actually doing it can be worlds apart.?

If you're like me, you probably bought and enjoyed Atomic Habits by James Clear. And, like me, then proceeded to fantasise about becoming a billionaire-conglomerate-master-of-the-universe type with a habit stack built from something as simple as brushing your teeth.

I am in no way deriding the good work of Mr. Clear here. In fact, over 20 million people have bought this book. If you haven’t already, you should get yourself a copy right away. My only thought on it is this - if 20 million (or thereabouts) people have bought this book (including me), why have our lives not changed for the better??

I suppose I can only speak for myself on this as I’m not intimately familiar with the inner and outer lives of the other 20 million purchasers. But I feel that, given my own experience, the book itself has not helped too many people in a way that is necessarily noticeable.

It’s more that reading a book, replete with evidence and success stories, is not enough to make progress in the particular realm one is looking to achieve in. Perhaps (hear me out here) it’ll take some actual elbow grease to see results.?

The theory is that we;

1. Read the book
2. Do the thing
3. See improvement

But is that how it actually goes??

This brings us back to the title of this article. The landscape of your immediate future looks ready to yield to you almost instantaneous positive results whilst you’re reading the book. And you’re definitely ready to eschew instant gratification for the sake of long term results (again, whilst you’re reading the book).?

And it’s not as if the author is lying to us. Often, they’ll outright tell us that this will be a long, painful journey. And if they don’t, then they’re pulling a scam and probably have a tidy little (read massively expensive) upsell.?

So, when it comes to actually adding the habit of donning one’s running shorts after brushing one’s teeth, reality has a tendency to let us down. In fact, reality outright tells us that this will get very boring, very fast.?

But why is this? People write self-help books with good intentions, I think. Sure, they want them to sell and to make money, but, outside of a few malicious actors, they are writing genuine books for genuine reasons. So this begs the question - why don’t they work?

In my view, there are three main reasons why self-help books often fall short -?

1. Expectations vs. reality - self-help books create a sense of excitement and possibility. Some go further and promise massive results. But they can gloss over the tedium of consistent practice, and leave you hanging when it comes to the inevitable doubt that comes when things don’t go as expected.
2. Behaviour change - sweeping changes sound great. They get you fired up to go all the way. But if you’ve got deeply ingrained detrimental behaviours then a slap-dash coating of self-help is not going to fix anything. And you find yourself quickly reverting to your old habits, feeling frustrated that the initial enthusiasm didn’t last.
3. You’re by yourself - self-help often isolates the individual. You set off on a personal journey to improve your life. It doesn’t necessarily involve others. But most successes involve the support and input of others.

The onus to develop is on us, not the author of a book. They may (and do) offer useful knowledge and experience that we can use on our journeys. But, it’s still on us to actually do what is necessary to make changes to our lives.

Many of us are simply sitting on a pile of books, adding to our knowledge in theory, but developing no knowledge in practice. It's time to stand up and put what we've learned into action.

Read more on my Substack here