#THEMTOO

Apologies for the lengthy post as I can't find an alternative solution. It's a topic very close to my heart and if i inspire one person to think and take action, mission accomplished. Please bear with me and i hope this message from the heart resonates with you. Here we go: -

#themtoo

On my way to the airport yesterday morning, I was doing one of my favourite pastimes; thinking and dreaming and I got thinking about International Women’s Day that the world celebrates tomorrow, 8 March.

As I began to think, really think, I gave myself the challenge to distill into a few lines what it means to me and how I can influence positively Women’s lives and be a change agent in the very small planet that I live in called “William Costley”. I will conclude my thoughts and distill it into a few lines at the end. Until then you need to read on J

For those who maybe haven’t did a quick “Google” of International Women’s Day it was first observed on 28 Feb 1909 in New York, March 8 was suggested by the 1910 International Woman’s Conference to become “International Women’s Day”. After women gained suffrage in Soviet Russia in 1917, March 8 became a national holiday. The day was then predominantly celebrated by the Socialist movement and Communist countries until it was adopted in 1975 by the United Nations.            Source “Wikipedia”

Oh how the world has changed since then; after all the west was still in the grips of the first industrialized World War and millions of men fought and died on the battlefront; numbers range from 11 to 19 million soldiers and civilians! Many women in those countries had to take up roles, responsibilities and jobs that traditionally were “men’s jobs” out of sheer necessity not by choice! Ironically, women in the UK just celebrated the 100th year anniversary for the right to vote making it 1918 and that was limited to 40% of women making the criteria; those over 30 years of age with certain property rights! It was not until 1928 that women over the age of 21 could vote; 10 years later! https://www.standard.co.uk/lifestyle/london-life/how-women-got-the-vote-uk-suffragette-timeline-a3756811.html

Tragically, between 1939 and 1945, the Second World War propelled us into another tragic moment in history and again women by sheer necessity not by choice took up “Men’s Jobs”. Before and after those tragic wars, women in many countries and cultures around the world went back to normal lives whatever normal was and were not treated equally once again. A sweeping general statement to make; albeit in most cases the truth. I know countless men around the world are advocates and have treated women equally in the past, or in the present and definitely in the future. I applaud you and continue to do so!

Having being blessed with travelling and living in several countries in my 52 years young life, I have had an opportunity to see first-hand, with my own eyes the roles, responsibility, opportunities, challenges and struggles women have to endure. From  pre-birth, female infants, girls’ pre- teen, young adults, mothers, grandmothers and great grandmothers have to undergo in their daily lives and reflect on its impact in today’s society. This is critical because today is our tomorrow, it is also our future if we do not have desire for change.

I wanted to highlight that in some countries and cultures it is very common to abort the child as it is not a boy so when you think about it, women are even murdered, marginalized and treated differently even before they have the opportunity to breath in the air of the outside world just because they have been born as female! There may be excuses or reasons; poverty, culture and economic reasons why people use this to justify the decision to abort. I am not judging the person or people or culture or country or a single parent or married couple who made this choice, what I am stating is FACT;  a woman in certain countries and cultures are treated differently even before birth!

Ironically, the joy when they find out their baby will be a boy is a reason to celebrate and rejoice! Again think about it, just because you have been identified to be of the female sex you are killed, aborted not being given a chance to live L

Mothers and wives are sometimes berated, ostracized, condemned, marginalized, physically abused in the event they cannot give their husband a “boy”, the next in line to the dynasty even deemed not a proper women only because they cannot give birth to a boy. They are the problem not the man, although it does take two to tango!

In a nutshell, it really is different for women. It’s a tough gig and in most cases when a women needs to work she doesn’t get any respite at home, has to take up most of the household chores and tasks, needs to take care of their children, big child (HUSBAND) as well as extended family members which his particularly prevalent in many Middle East & Asian cultures.

Again, men, before you get emotional and start to attack, I know there are many out there who do assist with housework. I did too, however if I am honest, my wife did more than me even if it was 51% Shereen v 49% William doing the house chores and looking after the kids when they were young when both of us needed to work. My wife would definitely concur; especially the pregnant moments we went through together. Reality is women normally do most of the heavy lifting. FACT. Do not go there guys its true!

So where am I going? Well first I am going to stop off at #metoo and what is my take on it. From the outset, I admire and respect every woman who used this platform to empathize with those who took the plunge and publicly stepped out and said enough is enough and people need to be aware there is a fundamental problem in society. Like many taboos, there is always a tipping point; in this instance, it was the outing of the alleged behavior of Harvey Weinstein, apologies for being so legalistic however I am not privy to the facts of every individual case; those who experienced this man know for sure what happened to them.

I cannot imagine the impact this had had in their lives and I genuinely applaud them for revealing to the world what did take place. For me it has not been a ripple affect but a Tsunami and has led to many other famous and infamous male celebrities being outed; mostly to date in media, film, music and the corporate world predominantly abusing their positions of power against women.

This has manifested itself in some form in physical, sexual or mental abuse and tragically for some all of the above. #metoo provided a public online platform to women across the globe to identify with them and show their support. Let us remember also that on a few occasions, men have also been physically, sexually or mentally abused by men in positions of power however, it has and was in the vast majority of instances against women.

This is where the struggles of yester year, today and sadly tomorrow come together; men abusing their positions of power and authority, at home, in the community and in the workplace. Not all Men but many, many men, reaching no doubt into the billions, yes billions!

For the #metoo campaign and those famous female powerful and strong women, don’t let this time go by and let it join Elon Musk’s Red TESLA Roadster orbiting planet earth and disappearing into nothingness; use it as a catalyst to drive real change in every aspect of society. You can become the catalyst to drive the change. We will help you! I will help you! Oprah, Meryl, Michelle and the rest of you global women let us make it happen. Make it sustainable, be strategic and go for it. Expand even more your very large circles of influence!!

Having been on a personal journey in a leadership role in the amazing company I work for, Diversity in all aspects is something we are laser focused on right from the very top and I am proud to be part of this journey. I am truly blessed to have lived, worked and still travel in the UK, Europe, Middle East and Asia and have identified a few key areas that need to be addressed for real change. It will take many brave men and women to make this change a reality; many will lose their lives for this cause as they have done in the past. The areas I mean are cultural barriers, unconscious bias and abuse of power; we mostly behave and are moulded and shaped and formed into the sum of our environment, access to information, education, knowledge and the choices we have made in life.

Whatever you can do to drive positive change make it happen, I will definitely be doing my best; albeit I am a very imperfect human being who has and will continue to say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing and not treat everybody the same just because I am exactly that, a human being who makes mistakes. It will not stop me attempting to be a better human being and striving for equality and provide everyone who I can influence to have equal opportunity. I want to be a change agent, a servant leader and inspiration as much as possible in my small little planet of “William Costley” So anybody that has access to it my goal is to inspire and challenge you to become the very best YOU, you can be J

Cultural Barriers

Wow what a topic! Endemic in scale, it is one of the main reasons for inequality in this world today. Where politicians and governments globally mostly fail, large companies and strong men and women in positions of power and influence in society need to stand up, move into the vacuum and be strong and be the change agents that are required today!

I work for a company that in the Middle East has represented in our business sometimes 40+ nationalities working in one hotel. The world tells us we should be at war with each other, hate each other, and have more differences than similarities. However we live, work, eat, drink and prosper together. Why? Because we have a common goal, a common objective and a set of rules that breaks down what should divide us and builds up wonderful diversity that is powerful when aligned to a formidable set of values and common goal. This is underpinned with dignity and respect that are the fundamental pillars of our coexistence.

Yes, of course, there are rogue leaders, rogue team members and for sure, we are not perfect however, I would like to think over the years we are striving for this to be the exception and not the norm. We have a long, long way to go for true diversity to be tangibly visible throughout our business worldwide, we admit it, and however we are doing something about it. What are you going to do about it?

How does that relate to me? Well I would say that you could start with treating each other with the fundamental basic of treating each other with the dignity & respect that every human being deserves; no matter, creed, colour, race, religion, sexual orientation, position of authority they are in. Child, Youth, Adult, Man, Woman, the elderly everyone to be treated with dignity and respect. Throughout my adult life, this has been a way in which I have been able to live and work in other people’s countries. It has assisted me to seamlessly integrate into a new culture and ultimately result in making many friends and acquaintances from all over the world.

Unconscious Bias

A fancy couple of words that simply means we are programmed to think and behave in a certain way due to the influences of the world around us. So much so that we think or do something without even thinking about it. From a business perspective it is my responsibility to  create an environment to awaken our unconscious and become conscious so that you know that it doesn’t need to be like this and those bias’s we have can be addressed once we are aware they exist. That is where you and I come in. Let us wake up everybody. At home, in the community and in the workplace. Once you and I know something is not impossible or can be changed, it is amazing what can happen next. Those colleagues who have worked very closely with me over the years know that first hand and have been part of an incredible journey of waking people up, giving opportunity and helping them on their personal walk in life! Both men and women are susceptible to Unconscious Bias and we need to help both.

Abuse of Power

To use a millennial online abbreviation, OMG this really drives me crazy. Responsibility and Accountability goes hand in hand with a position of power. The more perceived and actual power people have the more responsible they must be. It is as precious as health, gold and diamonds or for those more aligned to today’s assets, BITCOINS: cherish them, cherish it and use it wisely!  Over many, many years starting as a captain of my football team at the tender age of 6 to my current role as a Vice President, I have strived to articulate what it means to be a leader. About 4 years ago, I concluded my 42 years of leadership roles and distilled it into two words SERVANT LEADERSHIP. What leadership is and how it should be demonstrated, at home, in the community and in the workplace. I was even surprised when I finally put together a session for many team members in my organization regarding servant leadership then looking it up on the internet and realized there was books and a ready-made concept that was many years old! A very simple definition of servant leadership that I developed and strive to follow as a simple Scotsman is as follows: “waking up every morning and thinking of others before your own self needs & interests; at home, in the workplace and in our communities” WILLIAM COSTLEY. I like to keep things simple. I have failed miserably many times in my career and in life however it will never stop me to strive to be the best person I know God has planned for me. The only barrier to that is sadly me!

Semi-Finally, I get to the more personal part of this lengthy train of thoughts that started as a fleeting “what do you think William moment” until deep thinking took over. What does International Women’s Day mean to me and what am I doing about it? Well this is where I want to help you think more, really think dig deep, do not scratch the surface and win your hearts and minds. Again, my close workplace colleagues will know where I am coming from when speaking about winning hearts and minds and what it means to me. So here we go. First, I want to aspire to win your mind – I want to inspire thought and encourage movement, I would like to think positive movement J Let me know how I do! Here we go- THE MORE YOU MAKE SOMETHING PERSONAL, THE MORE IT HITS HOME, THE MORE CHANCE YOU WILL DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT AND THE MORE MEANINGFUL THIS DAY WILL MEAN TO YOU AND MAYBE TO OTHERS WHO YOU MAY WANT TO THANK!

I only want you to think about the most important women in your life. Those in the past, in the present and those maybe who you can influence their future. Reflect and only think about the positive impact they have had or are having in your life and then ask yourself how can I say thank you to them? This is a day to celebrate women, go on think about it, think hard and take your time so you can be really treasure those moments RIGHT NOW, as you are reading this.

As you think deeply you will have flashbacks of childhood, flashbacks of a few years ago or even this morning. You will have many emotions running through you mind, sounds, smells, tastes, places that will no doubt manifest itself with smiles, tears of joy, tears of sadness or simply wanting to go and be with your loved ones and give them a hug. I know because all of the above happened to me as I was writing this because I am flesh and blood just like you.

If you find it difficult to focus, go away, find a quiet place with no phone, no distractions to give yourself some quality time. I am reaching out to men and women, go on have a think. I am blessed writing this on a plane with no distractions and WOW so many thoughts are running through my head right now. To keep this personal and relevant and to assist the few or many who will have the patience to read all of this I want to distill your thinking to only a few of the women who have positively impacted your life in some way.

For me, I have been thinking about my two grandmothers, my mother, my sister, my wife, my daughter and actually my Son also. I am so, so blessed to have had them or still have them in my life today.

Now I am going to attempt to win your heart and share with you what is on my heart right now. Most likely mother, sister, wife, daughter and son will kill me for not asking their permission to share this but sometimes you have to live dangerously ha-ha!!

I am consciously and deliberately exposing myself and becoming vulnerable by sharing very personal thoughts however my goal is to inspire you to maybe do the same minus sharing it on a public platform! I know the pleasure, the pain and for some of you maybe the overwhelming relief you will feel at the end of this small exercise.

Let me share my thoughts now: To my “two wee grannies” as we call them in Scotland. My Granny Costley and Granny Clark. Both sadly have passed away however, I still have vivid memories of both.

Granny Costley -I have so many memories of going to your house with my father walking with him late in the evenings for his night shift duties and stopping at your place. You were never blessed materially however between you and Granda there was always joke, a smile, a laugh and a cup of tea and toast waiting for me. Life was very tough but you were always there for the family. Your sense of humour and independence are wonderful memories. Going to the bookies in Drumchapel Shopping Centre late into your 70’s to put on a bet or lottery ticket with your toothless grin still brings a smile to my face today.

Granny Clark - Like my Grandma Costley, life was very tough and you made little go a long way as you brought up 3 daughters and two sons as well as being the Big Boss of the house; small in stature but mighty in deeds. As I write this, I can hear your wonderful loud laugh and the Sunday family days at Bassett Avenue where as many as possible family members would gather.  Your sense of humour, your careful managing of the little money you had, treating everyone as equals, no favorites apart from battering me when I used to “fake” attack your wee daughter, my mother when I was 30 years of age and she was almost 50, was always so funny. I can still feel you nipping my skin and punching me ha-ha. A wee diamond that was polished through trials and tribulations, good times and bad times. Oh how I wish I could still be able to sit down and have a wee chat with you right now!

Ma wee Maw – English translation: My Mother - Ma, I know I have shared this before but words can never express the gratitude and admiration I have for you. Your hard work, sacrifices, selfless deeds and on many occasions putting Karen and me first as loving parents always do. I know life was tough but you never gave in, you never gave up and I am so proud, honoured, and blessed to have you as my mother. I could never have dreamed of where I am today and a big part of it is down to you; and Da of course. You could never give me too many riches of this world but you gave me values and principles that set me on the right path. A couple of things I love about you also that are hand me downs from your Wee Ma – your sense of humour, BIG laugh and being able to make little go a long way.  Not only that but like Da you have been a mother not just to me and Karen but to Mark & Martin as well as looking after Great Grand-Children also. There is so many wonderful memories and I pray many more will be created in the years ahead.

Ma wee sister Karen – most the women in my life are vertically challenged J - Karen, I know we haven’t spent much time together since I left school as distance have kept us apart. I really admire you for bringing up Mark and Martin single handedly; with a little help from Ma & Da and overcoming the many challenges, you have had to experience. I can remember many times, you “fake” cry, getting me into trouble with my Da in particular, and getting VIP treatment from him. I really admire you overcoming your natural lack of self-confidence and now holding down two jobs and carving out life after being a single parent. You make me laugh when you always say you want to be on a diet and bring bottles of coke, desserts and snacks over to the house and then complain you cannot lose weight. In addition, your newfound fondness for a Malibu & Lemonade. Ha-ha, lucky you are still skinny though! You are also a wonderful caring and proud Granny with 3 grandchildren.

Shereen – my wife - Well where do I start? As you know, I have already shared with you my true feelings and how I cannot really ever put into words your impact on my life. I will keep this short and sweet. Your total selflessness, sacrificing your professional working career to bring up Hannah & William, to being an amazing mother, caring friend to many and simply a bright star in a dark sky that is there for anybody at any time. You are my inspiration when it comes to being such a selfless human being in this world. I know you hate me sharing things like this but allow me to inspire others to maybe think and thank those female loved ones who were or remain part of their lives. Behind every successful man, there is a more successful woman and as you say, I may be the head of the family but you are the neck and wherever the neck moves the head follows J Yes BIG BOSS I GET THE MESSAGE J

Finally – Hannah – my daughter - Baba, there is one trait that both you and your brother got in the Costley & Silva genes and that is a big laugh, quirky sense of humour and a caring heart. You keep dreaming big dreams and I have no doubt you will become the next Amal Clooney and more as you set out to fight for those who can’t defend themselves. I am with you every step of the way and one day we will celebrate you being not just a Human Rights Lawyer but one who will positively impact thousands if not millions; especially fighting for women and children. Like your mama you bring sunshine into the dark and I love your tenacity, your drive, your resilience and also your independent spirit as you become a beautiful strong young and mighty woman of God and not someone else’s copy. Go for it!

Finally, Finally – William my son

I cannot leave without saying Son I am so proud of you and in particular how you treat all women that have been part of your life. You are a great example of how a man should treat women and I pray that you will continue to do so especially in the years ahead. I was not surprised when you decided your thesis would be about Diversity and lack of women in senior roles in the workplace and I challenge you to do something about it even when you are not in a perceived position of power. Remember our debate over a beer last weekend in Ras Al Khaimah; it is not what you read, what you research and what other people have said, it is what you do with that information and more importantly what are you going to do about it! Be a great example and leader in your own home, in university, in your workplace and in your community. Like Hannah, you bring sunshine into the dark and I love your tenacity, your drive, your resilience and also your independent spirit as you become a beautiful strong young and mighty man of God and not someone else’s copy. Go for it!

In conclusion and my executive summary, distillation of the past few pages of reading, make this International Women’s Day really personal. I encourage and plead with you to share with as many people as possible. For one and only good reason, the more we personalize an issue the more we think about it and with a positive mindset, I know it will lead to some people taking action on a personal or larger arena. If only one person is touched or inspired by reading this then mission accomplished.

There is multiple thousands if not millions of #metoo’s out there but remember the silent and many more #themtoo’s. The ones who are afraid of retribution, the silent, the ones who don’t even know they are unfairly treated because they have always been treated like that, let’s not forget them. You never know one of them may be your grandma, mother, sister, cousin, aunty, daughter, work colleague or even sadly YOUTOO… For those men in particular, have a think, are you causing it and if so why and what are you going to do to change that?

Women around the world, I thank you and celebrate you today for your amazing contributions and positive impact on the world we live in!