#themfirst to combat #metoo

“Do you have the right tools to do your job?” is a familiar question. How about asking “Do you have the respectful culture to do your job?” Without the right tools, the productivity can be impacted. However, mistreatment of employees can cause physical and mental health problems. Sadly, about 90% of the survey respondents have experienced workplace bullying (ref). This armed and dangerous behavior is on the rise (ref). Without a regular pulse on this matter, many systems can be at risk of developing herd immunity towards the unprofessional behavior, called workplace bullying.

Bullying can be physical, social, or verbal. Bullying in a verbal form can be described as making criticizing comments to humiliate someone or attacking someone’s self-esteem in a demeaning and aggressive manner. Cyberbullying, remote bullying or virtual bullying can include sending insulting emails, talking over the attendees or not allowing the attendees to talk at all in a meeting. This behavior is not illegal unless it constitutes unlawful harassment based on the protected characteristics such as race, sex, or religion (ref). Oddly, the core of this type of bullying does not have to be a master game plan to destroy someone. It can be an unrecognized bias, insecurity or a deliberate facade to advance one’s own work.

Bullying is not healthy. However obvious as it may sound, condemning this behavior can be extremely difficult at times. There may be department rivalries, revenue or reputation of always being right at stake. Some may feel entitled to bullying because of their title, position, seniority, employment status (contractor vs. employee), education status, location and so on. Sometimes, the bullish behavior is considered a sign of steadfast leadership and is promoted. In such cases, it is easier to turn a blind eye to the incident(s). For victims, the thoughts of job security can take precedence over protecting their dignity. As Figure 1 suggests, pursuing the HR policy to report bullying can be daunting and can result in quitting or accepting the health consequences.

Figure 1. Typical Life-cycle of Aggressive Behavior

In a well orchestrated system, though, there are people’s advocates who take actions to support the victims. Some take it upon them to bring the matter to an amicable resolution regardless of the reporting structure. As soon as they are made aware of one incident, they speak up to stop it from becoming a toxic culture. On one occasion, where I spoke in an improper manner "as part of the job", my management ensured trust and relationships were given priority. My performance review had reflected that one heat-of-the-moment rage. That accountability is not forgotten. Remarkably, my apology did wonders. Had it not been for the righteous management, I may not have found an ally.

“Egotism is the anesthetic which nature gives us to deaden the pain of being a fool.” Dr. Herbert Shofield

According to one HR training program, people leaders can reinforce positive culture by exercising these four characteristics; empathy, trust, zero tolerance and confidentiality. Leading with these principles can address unprofessional habits at their nascent stage as well as prevent them. Awareness and vested interest in team's well being can be important contributing factors in proper actions taken against perpetrators. An upstander, as compared to a bystander, can help HR in triangulating the information from various vantage points. That way, the target, whose self-esteem is already shattered, doesn’t have to defend himself/herself continually.  When there are upstanders, the life-cycle for the aggressive behavior can be shorter and there can be more opportunities for mutual respect, as shown below.

Figure 2.0 The Role of an Upstander in Aggression Life-cycle

Bullying is the repeated mistreatment or abuse of someone. That pattern has to stop. To denounce bullying from its root, a major differentiation can be people leaders looking out for everyone's well being. Once the team puts the team member’s self-respect over other measures (#themfirst), #metoo can be stopped from being a norm. In conclusion, let me ask you, “How often do you check if your team feels respected to do their job?”