#TheAssumptionsLife: Unpacking the Harm of Assumptions

Welcome to the #TheAuthenticLife newsletter, where we continue our journey toward living more authentically, embracing our true selves, and cultivating deeper connections with those around us. In this edition, we’re diving into a topic that has shaped so many of our interactions assumptions. These silent, often unnoticed judgments can wreak havoc on our relationships and peace of mind if left unchecked.

Understanding Assumptions: What They Really Are

Assumptions are the stories we create in our minds to fill in the gaps when we don’t have all the information. They’re those quick judgments we make based on our own beliefs, biases, or past experiences. While they might seem harmless or even helpful in the moment, assumptions often lead us down the wrong path, causing unnecessary misunderstandings and conflict. Unlike decisions based on real evidence or open communication, assumptions are built on guesswork and can easily skew our perceptions. The tricky part is that we often don’t even realize we’re making them, yet they shape how we see others and how we respond to situations. The key is to become aware of these assumptions, challenge them, and replace them with genuine curiosity and a desire to truly understand the people and situations we encounter. By doing this, we can break down barriers and build more authentic connections.

Navigating the Challenge of Assumptions

Managing assumptions is a daily challenge that requires constant attention and self-awareness. It’s all too easy to slip into the habit of making quick judgments about others, leading us to decisions based on these often unfounded beliefs. We’ve all been there, realizing too late that our assumptions were completely off base, only to find that the damage has already been done, leaving little room for repair.

But what do you do when the assumptions are about you? How do you respond when others project their assumptions onto your actions or intentions? Recently, someone shared a comment with me, curious if it was directed at either of us. I could have easily spiraled into a web of assumptions, letting my thoughts race with possibilities. Instead, I leaned on one of my guiding principles: unless something is said directly to me, I’m not going to assume it’s about me. I refuse to let baseless assumptions disrupt my peace of mind.

As a woman of color in leadership, I encounter this frequently. It often feels like people are waiting for me to fit a negative stereotype, whether it’s being labeled as mean, angry, or something else entirely. But over time, I’ve learned that these perceptions are almost always rooted in assumptions about my feelings, my words, or even the tone in which I speak. At this stage in my life, I’ve found it best to laugh it off. I choose not to take life, whether personal or professional, too seriously. Instead, I focus on what I know to be true about myself and remind myself of one of the core principles from The Four Agreements: 1) don’t take things personally. It’s not always about me; it could possible more about them than me. and 2) Often, the assumptions people make potentially reveal more about their own insecurities or triggers than they do about me and that more questions need to be asked to gain the necessary clarity of something instead of making an assumption.

Personal Reflection: The Power of Two Agreements

About a year ago, I found myself in a tough place personally. Whenever I go through something challenging, I take time to assess the situation thoroughly. I ask myself what role am I playing, what role others are playing, and what lessons I can learn. During one of these moments of self-reflection, I stumbled upon a book that has since become a cornerstone of how I navigate life: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

Of the four agreements, two resonated deeply with me: Don’t Take Things Personally and Don’t Make Assumptions. Since reading that book, these two principles have become my go-to tools whenever I find myself slipping into my feelings or questioning my reactions. It’s easy to make assumptions about why people act the way they do or what they might be thinking, but the truth is, assumptions can destroy something that was once great. They can lead us down a path of misunderstandings and missed opportunities, often leaving damage that’s hard to repair.

Assumptions are like silent earth disburbers, quietly shaping our perceptions and interactions without us even realizing it. When we assume, we stop listening. We start to fill in the blanks with our own narratives, often missing the truth of the situation or the complexity of the individual in front of us. This not only limits our understanding but also creates barriers to genuine connection.

Breaking the Cycle: Moving from Assumptions to Authenticity

So, how do we break free from the cycle of assumptions and move towards a more authentic life? Here are a few steps to consider:

• Cultivate Curiosity: Replace assumptions with curiosity. When you notice yourself making an assumption, pause and ask questions instead. Seek to understand rather than to judge or categorize.
• Practice Active Listening: Commit to truly listening to others without interrupting or planning your response. This helps you gather accurate information and fosters deeper, more authentic connections.
• Embrace Vulnerability: Acknowledge that you don't have all the answers. Be open to being wrong and willing to learn from others' perspectives. This openness can lead to richer, more meaningful interactions.
• Check Your Biases: Reflect on the biases that may be influencing your assumptions. Consider how these biases shape your perceptions and take active steps to challenge them.
• Communicate Clearly: When in doubt, ask for clarification. Don't be afraid to express your thoughts and feelings openly, and encourage others to do the same. Clear communication can prevent many of the misunderstandings that arise from assumptions.

Moving Forward with #TheAssumptionsLife

As we continue on this journey towards living authentically, let’s commit to being mindful of the assumptions we make and those made about us. By challenging our assumptions and approaching each situation with curiosity, we can create more meaningful connections and foster a life that’s grounded in truth.

This week, I encourage you to reflect on the assumptions you've made recently and consider how they may have impacted your relationships or decisions. What might have changed if you had approached the situation differently? How can you apply the principles of #TheAssumptionsLife to your interactions this week?

Let’s work together to break down the barriers that assumptions create and build a world where we truly see and hear each other.

Thank you for being part of #TheAuthenticLife community. I look forward to hearing your stories and insights as we continue to grow together.

In authenticity,

Keisha