Thanksgiving and the FOO

As many of you know, Rich and I committed to engage in relationship coaching as part of our original marital agreement.?

Our first coach, Carey Dodson, a?Conscious Living Conscious Loving?coach, encouraged us to consider taking onsite workshops with Gay and Kathlyn?Hendricks in Ojai, California.

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We completed many full days of onsite workshops over a couple of years: One three-day weekend in Austin, TX, followed by a 10-day immersion, returning for another five-day immersive and a follow-up refresher course.??

One topic that always brought up exotic stories from the participants was getting together with one's "family of origin." These gatherings were labeled FOO, which stood for Family of Origin Olympics.?

Your unique FOO will commence this Thursday and will likely take place?feasting on turkey, green beans with onions, mashed potatoes, gravy, and -?if you're lucky -?pumpkin and apple pies. (Homemade if you are SUPER lucky, like myself and my seven siblings were?growing up).?

Your particular FOO could easily trip you up on one or more triggers and lead to drama. I urge you to avoid drama at all costs, but realistically, drama is predictable.?

So our hope is for better self-regulation -?less acting out, more stepping up to the plate. OR, if you will,?to "the big person's emotional table."?

I can be confident that if you are triggered and acting out, losing your sense of peace and gratitude, you are the lone ranger in your pain. You have made yourself "all alone." You have left the group and the present when experiencing unresolved feelings.?

Thankfully, I recently had an experience that created a breakthrough for me in this arena of unresolved feelings.?(And, for the record, the self-awareness movement that began in the 1960s and continues evolving to this day suggests you will encounter your unresolved feelings throughout your life even as you consciously work to resolve them).

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Step?1?

Stop and breathe deeply. Identify where discomfort is showing up in your body (see the chart below).

Step 2

Allow yourself to sink entirely into the sensation. Is it a gripping sensation in your heart? Unresolved sadness. A tight feeling in your jaw? Unresolved anger. And?remember, anger isn't "bad" unless we are threatening the people around us with that anger. (You can legit-straight up say, "I'm feeling anger," without raising your voice or throwing a chair out the window. And if you can manage this, I applaud your evolution).?

Step 3

Ask yourself the first time you remember feeling this feeling (generally it's?from a time in your childhood).?

Step 4

The Hendricks have a short-cut phrase you can repeat to yourself if you are feeling the distress of unborn pain. You say?"That was then, and this is now."?

The media all over the planet is feeding and fueling the worst and the least in us. The constant drumbeat of doom, disaster, and evil forces waiting-to-gobble-us-all-up is a manufactured story. The story YOU are living is this: you can gather with the people you love to celebrate family and all families everywhere this Thanksgiving.?

When you hit the expected snag, use the suggestions above to your advantage. May the holiday season give you many more chances to express your love and gratitude. Peace be with us all.??

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