Thanksgiving, comfort, and anti fragility

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger"

-Friedrich Nietzsche

It is nearly Thanksgiving, and my first question is, “where did the time go”. My second thought is “this year has been tough.”  

These are both unusual thoughts for me, or at least I think they are. I think of myself as resilient, some may even say tough, other may chime in and say “unaffected”. So to have the experience that a particular period of time has been exceedingly challenging is a bit strange. I also don’t have much of a concern about time. I have always seen time as something we all have and don’t worry too much about it. We have the time we have and don’t have the time we don’t.  

I have a practice of gratitude that I do every day, and I am present to the amazing blessings I have had granted to me. I have had a blessed life, some might even say privileged and that is not exactly how I see it, though I understand that perspective may occur.  

Lately though, the events of the environment around me, are impacting me. I noticed it during the recent political campaign. I did something I have not done in years, I campaigned for a candidate in my congressional district. She is not someone, that if you knew me, would think I would jump in and support, and I did. I began supporting her in the primaries. Maybe that is the source of this incredible discomfort.  

In supporting someone who was so uniquely different than myself I had to look at the issues, the challenges, and the points of view of others that I normally do not. I did not always agree, and I did begin to understand.  

As the year continued, I noticed the incredible polarity of the conversation, and the more and more I was involved the further away I felt from actually being aligned. Toward the end, I told a brilliant woman who I became close too, that I will support the candidate, and her position, I can no longer be aligned with the process and the other alliances that have been created. The candidate I supported went on to win, and since has achieve a very high profile nationally. (She was well on her way before the election).

Though I am using this experience canvassing for a political candidate as the narrative this is not about politic’s, or agendas or any of that. It is about being uncomfortable, and how I have dealt with it and what I have learned. It is about looking at what really matters to me, and what really matters to each and everyone of us. I think I am really understanding Brene Brown’s book, Braving the Wilderness.

See the increasing polarity of our social conversation is forcing many to choose up sides. Sides they don’t really fully believe in, yet are close enough that we can align. That alignment provides cover, protection, a sense of community, and with that safety and comfort.  

It isn’t just political. This can occur in other situations, social organization, churches, clubs, and definitely in our workplaces. We create alliances to get things done, to create a social structure, and in part to create safety, and also power. This creating of tribes provides for us the ability to have voice bigger than our own. The issue at times becomes though, the voice of the tribe may not be our authentic voice. 

I think that is what happened to me this year. I was involved in a number of “tribes.” And in doing so I received the benefits, the social currency, the “support”, and the protection and belonging that each of these had. Being in a tribe can be comfortable. And I began to lose my voice, my connection to that part of me that is sourced by something greater.  

I noticed this recently on a motorcycle journey, how much being comfortable has impacted me, and how comfort is a driver in my decision making, and like anything else too much of a good thing is not a good thing.  

That brings me around to my gratitude practice. I am really uncomfortable right now. I was profoundly impacted by the events in Pittsburg. I was making being uncomfortable a problem, something that should not be. Then I realized the real problem is being TOO comfortable. And how completely full of BS I was about me getting outside my comfort zone.  

Nassim Nicholas Taleb wrote what I believe is one of the most powerful books on organizational development and actually life, called Anti-Fragile. Taleb defines it as: “Anti-fragility is a property of systems that increase in capability, resilience, or robustness as a result of stressors, shocks, volatility, noise, mistakes, faults, attacks, or failures.” 

This year has been filled with stressors, volatility, noise, mistakes, attacks and failures. It also has been a year filled with breakthroughs, success, and untold opportunity. As I am putting this together I am thankful to have had the comfort that I have enjoyed, yet also incredibly grateful for the events that have knocked me out of my comfort zone. I am sure this is a precursor to the next chapter of my journey.  

One of the many lessons I have learned in the past few years, is leadership is not a point of arrival. It is a journey, and there is actually no end to it. With no end, the points of comfort, or arrival are only temporary or foolish. I believe it is time to get moving. As always thank you for your time. I would really appreciate if you would share where you are comfortable or uncomfortable. Or anything else you may have gotten from this.