Thanks, Mom!

My Mom turned 80 last Friday.

It’s a surreal thing to think about that number. Last week my daughter showed me one of those apps where you get to see yourself age from infancy to old age in 10 seconds. I don’t know if that would work with my Mom. In my eyes, she basically looks the same as she did half a lifetime ago.??

When you grow up as the youngest of two boys, your role models are pretty simple: your older brother and your Dad. So much of the man I wanted to become was based on the conscious effort to emulate these two as much as I could.

As I look back on my life, what’s also extremely evident - as I take a closer look - is the profound impact my Mom has had on my life. So many of the key lessons I learned and the priorities I value come from her.

Mom, here’s a shout out to you in the form of three stories on this milestone birthday!

PREPARE TO WIN

When I was a sophomore in high school, our house had a big transition. My brother John went off to college, leaving me as the lone child in the house. An equally big move was that my mother restarted her career as a teacher at Kings Road School, my elementary school home.?

From 9th to 10th grade, my routine didn’t change much. But I certainly learned something that year watching my mother in action. She was gone by 7:00 AM each day, and when I got home around 4:00 PM on this bus, I usually beat her home by an hour. We would have dinner together, and when I went to start my homework, my Mom went into the office. I would usually have my homework taken care of by 8:00 PM, and I would catch an hour plus of quality TV. My Mom? She was plugging away in the office amidst a mountain of papers, projects, and artwork deep enough to fill the Library of Congress. When I went to bed, she was still in there, hard at work.

One night I asked her. “Mom - what do you do every night? These kids are in 3rd grade!”

Her response was simple: “I have work to do, and I want to make tomorrow a great day.”

I shook my head in disbelief, not quite understanding.

Thirteen years later at the age of 28, I found myself in a transition of my own. After a career change, I was living at home with my parents in Mendham as a first year teacher. Each night I spent upwards of three hours preparing lessons to get ready for the school day ahead.

I was working at the kitchen table one September night, and my Dad said, “Mark, what the hell takes you so long every night?”

My Mom jumped right in and said, “This is what teachers do, Jerry.”

I couldn’t speak for all teachers, but I just looked at my Mom and nodded. This is how Faccianis do it, I thought, remembering those nights of her holed up in the office.

Thank you, Mom, for showing me what it takes to prepare to win.

LET IT OUT

When I was in 4th grade, I had a crush on this girl in my class, Emily Merrill. Crushes didn’t officially become a thing until 5th grade at Kings Road, but I guess I was one year early. I’m not sure what possessed me to share this at the time, but with Valentine’s Day around the corner, I decided to tell my mother this news.

What happened next? There we were, off to the store to buy a box of chocolate and stationery to write a note. The next day, there I was, ringing Emily’s doorbell to deliver the chocolates and the note to confess my feelings.?

I don’t remember her reaction; I vaguely remember Emily being under the weather, and I don’t really know what I was expecting to happen. What I DO remember was how happy my Mom was with the effort. “If you feel it, you have to let it out,” she said.?

Here’s the thing - from my teenage years through most of my 20s, I wasn’t exactly a regular heartthrob. I had many more embarrassing stories than love connections.? But I will say this - I am happy that more often than not, I did take the courageous step, and though it usually did end in embarrassment that would be more Farrelly Brothers film-worthy than a Hallmark special, eventually my efforts did pay off when I decided to go talk to this girl with beautiful brown eyes across the bar at the Famished Frog (who became my wife). Who knows, Mom - without you planting that seed early to "let it out," life may have turned out differently!

PLANTING SEEDS

One thing that I truly appreciate about my Mom is her effort to focus on the little things. When Dara and I became homeowners, she started talking about planting flowers. On my list of priorities as a new husband at that time, flowers ranked somewhere around 997th on my list of 1,000 priorities.

After ignoring her please for a week, one day, she shows up in my yard and starts planting. Well, don’t you know it, a few months later, these beautiful daffodils sprout, and they totally make the whole front of the house come to life!

The same is true with so many other seeds my Mom has planted. She gave the suggestion - more than once - that Dara and I should read to our twin girls every night before bed. For the first six years of their life, we did exactly that - and what started out as something we just did as a routine turned into a special moment when the girls would cozy up next to us each night. When Annie and Lily started to sleepover her house, she would sing “Close To You” by the Carpenters before bed. To this day, when Annie and Lily sleep over, they still request that song before bed.

If I look back into my childhood, I realize my Mom did all kinds of little things to make my life special - from surprising me by bringing pizza for lunch occasionally at Kings Road School or taking me to Volume One bookstore to buy a Choose Your Own Adventure book on a rainy summer day - she understood that these little moments help to create a memorable life.

In our house, we have so many little traditions that our family shares - from cooking nights to board game nights to snow day rituals, and everything in-between. I used to simply pat myself on the back for these traditions as a by-product of my creativity and originality. When I reflect a little further, I realize I am simply taking a page out my Mom's book, following the path that she set for me.?

Thank you, Mom, for planting these seeds in my life!? Congratulations and happy birthday to you on this incredible milestone - and to creating many more memories with you!?