Thanks, Mick. A Merry F-ing Christmas To You, Too!

My late Jewish Grandmother, Marjorie Katherine Dora Adele Strawson Vandamm (Mick), who I was incredibly close to while growing up, had a decidedly understated British sense of humor.

Around this time of year, she would always wish people with a half wry smile, and the remnants of a moderately posh London accent 30 years on after moving to America, “a Merry f-ing Christmas.”

It would have been like watching Meghan Markle embrace and make up with the late Queen – unexpected, strange but oddly comforting.

Growing up, Mick and I spent nearly every day at least partially together.

But during the holiday season, I never once heard her say Happy Hanukkah.

I think she saw celebrating Hanukkah during Christmas as pointless as reading a classic novel at a rock concert – both activities drowned out by their surroundings.?

“Merry f-ing Christmas” was sort of her Happy Hanukkah to people, I suppose.

A Jewish British Stiff Upper Lip

Mick was not religious. In fact, she was in charge -- and you can’t make this up -- of bacon rationing in her section of London during WWII.

It's like having a vegan in charge of a barbecue contest.

After her death, I was shocked to learn that my DNA on her side of the family was 100% Jewish given how "un"-Jewish she tried to behave at the holidays.

It's like finding out your Spotify Wrapped is exclusively Gregorian Chants despite only listening to Daft Punk and DJ Shadow.

I suspect Mick’s atheism/agnosticism (I was never quite sure which) and her common holiday refrain was perhaps a reaction to living through a time in history that would challenge anyone to believe in a higher power.

Indeed, Mick was a survivor of the Blitz in London (in which a bomb fell through her house but never exploded, while she was home). It's like she won a twisted lottery where the prize was not getting blown up.

And her husband (my grandfather, Bruce Vandamm) was a member of the British Expeditionary Force who somehow managed to survive the entire war. Bruce miraculously escaped from Dunkirk, wounded on the beach, only to go back to fight for the remainder of the war after he recovered from his wounds in the hospital following the famous evacuation.?

Bruce was more resilient than a Tesla Cybertruck protecting its inhabitants against an army of Chicago carjackers.?

Merry Christmas!

To this date, in the office, I always wish people a Merry Christmas, perhaps influenced by my grandmother.?

Sure, I’m Jewish.

But “Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah” just doesn’t capture the season in a tidy way.

And don't get me started on "happy holidays" -- it's as bad as asking Santa to go on Ozempic.

So for now, it's just Merry Christmas, everyone.?

Maybe when I lose all of my hair, I’ll be able to get away with adding the modifier in front to my closest colleagues.

And as Mick might have added, with a touch of cheek, “Do have a splendid New Year as well, won’t you?”