“Thank You For My Life” - Wendy’s Journey With ALS

After 34 years of marriage, my wife, Wendy, recently passed away following a hard-fought battle with ALS, commonly known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease. Most people have no idea what a horrific disease it is. The diagnosis, itself, was so devastating that even her neurologist from the Mayo Clinic cried as she delivered the news.

Despite the challenges, it was an honor for me to serve as my wife’s caregiver throughout her four-year battle. Several have said to me that I was a great example to them, or that they couldn’t possibly have risen to the challenge in the same way. As her husband, and as a disciple of Jesus, who pledged to her, “in sickness and in health…until death do us part”, how could I not have cared for her! It was God who got me to that point, working powerfully through Wendy by the way she lived her life both before her diagnosis and then along the difficult road to the end.

Wendy loved people. She never “judged a book by its cover,” loving them no matter what. No, as with all of us, she didn’t always like everybody, but she loved even the unlikeable. Loving was not optional for her, and her door was never closed. Wendy had a welcoming face that said, “I see you, and you matter to me.?I’m listening.” And then she listened.

Wendy believed that if you don’t love others selflessly, you aren’t truly Jesus’ disciple.?Yet, that very principle propelled Wendy to love, not just people, but life itself. She had a special way of making every situation fun, drawing everyone into the conversation or the activity at hand. No one was an outsider when Wendy was in the room. There were no lonely people in Wendy’s world.?Reaching out to them was a natural outpouring of her gratitude for Jesus’ own love for her.?

People tell me that they want to love like Wendy loved. If she could speak at this very moment, she would tell them to simply fall in love with Jesus. Do that, and we will naturally love like Jesus loved. His loving spirit will invade our very being.

Despite the indescribably difficult challenges she faced on her journey to the end, Wendy remained steadfastly upbeat and hopeful. Various ones in the ALS support groups had warned me that this disease could transform even the kindest, gentlest person into someone mean and angry. This was far from true for Wendy! All I ever heard from her was, “You’re doing a wonderful job” (even when I probably wasn’t!). And “Thank you,” “Thank you,” “Thank you.” After hearing her say “Thank you” so often, I told her she didn’t have to thank me all the time. “But I am thankful,” she insisted! Her heart of constant gratitude was not simply a response to the Bible’s call for gratitude, but because she genuinely felt so grateful for what her Lord and Savior had done for her.?

Naturally, Wendy had some anxiety about how the disease would affect her—especially near the end—but she never once feared where she was going when she died. She prayed that she wouldn’t have to endure great pain and suffering, but that, even if she did, she would handle it with faith and grace. Which she did beyond measure. I recently read her prayer journal for 2021 and 2022 (for as long as she could still write).?Throughout her journal, she would close out each prayer entry with, “I love my life.” As she began to accept God’s decision not to heal her in this life and realizing He had already healed her for eternity, she began closing out her prayers with, “Thank you for my life”.?With His unending mercy and love, God answered our prayer, taking Wendy’s hand as she entered her perfect rest, gently and peacefully.

Because Jesus’ own life and death meant so much to her, Wendy was able to teach us how to both live and die. With Jesus, she lived well. With Jesus, she died well.

If we believe Jesus is who He claimed to be, everything in our life must be different. It’s not about going through the motions of some formal “religiosity,” but about who we genuinely are, and how we live, 24/7. If we’re truly walking with Jesus, there’s no need to ask the popular question, “What would Jesus do?” We just naturally do what the One walking next to us is doing.?If he celebrates, we celebrate. If he cries, we cry. If he suffers, we suffer. If he triumphs over death, we, too, triumph over death!?

When Wendy passed away, many people said, “I don’t understand why God would allow Wendy to be taken from us. Why would God let her beautiful light go out in this world?”?But it’s the wrong question. Why not Wendy??We live in a broken world where death looms for each of us. It’s just a matter of timing. And because this world is not our ultimate home, death is the doorway to our true home where there will be no more dying or the parting of loved ones…or questions!?In the meantime, Wendy’s special light should live on in each of us. If her love illuminated the way for someone in particular, I urge them to not let her light go out. In her memory, make it shine brighter and brighter!

People graciously ask what they can do to help me, now that Wendy’s gone. Thanks for asking, truly, but please just go and be like Wendy! Share God’s grace, love, and light with the people around you. And, take it from Wendy: Don’t back away from the “messy” which so often defines relationships. By humbly submitting to our God, even in our own marriage, Wendy and I took whatever became “messy”, turned it over to God and God made it magnificent.

For fourteen years, Wendy and I taught a Bible study for college students in our home. One of the most memorable lessons was from James, chapter 4, about how our life is like a vapor. That particular study is especially memorable because, when I would get to that passage and read those words, Wendy would spray her plant mister into the air as an illustration. “That’s it,” she would say. “That’s all the time you get. What are you going to do with it? What are you going to spend your time on? Are you going to be more concerned about personal, fleeting cares, or the things that count for eternity?” She had no idea then that her life would be a vapor lasting only 53 years.

So many of the “kids” we taught (now with their own families) came to her memorial service and expressed the impact that lesson from James made on their lives. They said they would always remember that night in our home, with Wendy spraying her plant mister!?Even now, it helps them live intentionally and authentically, not just punching a clock, and not just “playing church.”

If the Church had thousands of “Wendy’s,” we would be doing what we’re commanded to do— loving others the way God first loved us (1 John 3:16-18). We would love people without question, regardless of their flaws, sins, or weaknesses.?And—by that very approach—we would be making disciples (Matthew 28:19-20).

Choose to be like Wendy. Give up yourself and fall in love with Jesus. Then let the light of Christ shine through you brightly, loving those around you who are hurting and in need of the Savior. That’s what Wendy would want us to do, and I can think of no better way to honor her life.