Thank You, McChrystal Group

BLUF - I am grateful for McChrystal Group supporting my #sabbatical to the 美国军队

An Unexpected Home - The Army & MG

I doubted I would ever identify as a #veteran . I #joined for many, many reasons, but the public profile piece never interested me. I wanted to learn how to #lead , extend my #limits , and determine if I was worthy of the intense camaraderie that classifications like #rangertab bestow. On that score, I learned from those much more capable, thankfully exposed my shortcomings frequently (still am), and found earning your "tab" is an open-ended commitment, not a static quest.

When I left?#activeduty ?in 2018, I evaded the formal pomp and circumstance of?#army ?farewells. Like many of my fellow?#infantry ?officers, I felt inadequate and even cowardly. The combat arms selection process purposefully sets ever-escalating tests for those who wish to follow Alice down the rabbit hole. First, the Army told me I was worthy of the Ranger label. Then it said I was special because I was a Best Ranger participant. And instead of going to Battalion or SF selection, I left. To the most ardent and loyal, I quit. To the spurned, I validated their exit. Neither characterization is invalid, nor are they accurate. The Army is an economy-of-scale institution, purposefully impersonal to be?#meritocratic ?(as much as any system can be). When I departed, it didn't care. I mean that with no malice. It was neither ecstatic nor saddened because it deals with large numbers, and no matter how special my ego tells me I am, there's always another eager officer ready to backfill me.

I departed because many people told me I had a particular blend of skills that could benefit the country elsewhere; service elsewhere. While I stand by my decision, inadequacy stands next to me and is a little too close. Some friends went to Bat, others donned green berets, and some even outpaced Alice herself. However, they are not?#satisfied . Not because they're ungrateful, anything but. Instead, because we're?#addicts ?who want to be ever more competent and useful to our teams and the nation.

Those in these communities are more predisposed to multiple standard deviations from the mean behavior, and the environment that molds us amplifies these predilections. When you leave, even for a fake Ranger like me, the absence overwhelms you. The standards are less precise, the camaraderie forced, and the complaints rage invoking. Where is the hardship, and how do I know I am worthy if someone isn't timing me?

From Fort Drum, I went to Ireland as a Mitchell Scholar . A surprise to me, I was also now a?#veteran . In my mind, I played?#Army ?four for years, so upon hearing such a label placed upon me, it felt like?#stolenvalor . But it stuck. I felt drawn to literature and research topics involving the military. My thesis became a reimagining of?#civilmilitaryrelations . I also remained a fraud. When others solicited my input as the?#tokenvet , I over-prefaced my remarks such that people stopped asking. They wanted a spokesperson to distill the complexity of a 1.3 million person organization into a soundbite. I barely could speak for my own experience, let alone everyone's.

In Ireland, I professionally flailed.

Recruiters told me (not a fabricated quote), "so this is basically your first job."

Yes, the Army was play, and I am now ready to grow up.

I had a college degree, pretty ribbons and medals from four years of service, and a prestigious fellowship. All that earned me the honor of being an "advanced" entry-level candidate. Mom was so proud.

McChrystal Group ?got it. Mostly because General McChrystal demanded our culture translate and honor less traditional experiences (military, academics, NGOs, etc.) on their own terms rather than diminish them through a force-fitting. So after a brief,?rewarding experience ?with?The Urban Leaders Fellowship , I became an "MGer" and haven't doubted a day of my three-and-a-half years.

My tenure involved a year of?COVID response ?in Missouri, still the most rewarding 12 months of my life with some of the most admirable public servants I will ever know.

It also cobbled together myriad experiences for which I cannot adequately thank my firm and my teammates. In short, I adore our culture, admire my teammates, and passionately believe in the work we do.

However, I now identify as a soldier.

And as a soldier, I know our Army must adapt to meet today's demands. So over the next eight months, I will help the Army's Recruitment & Retention Task Force re-imagine our accession and retention enterprise.

Unsurprisingly, McChrystal Group enthusiastically endorsed this decision, and I'm grateful for their support and preparing me to assist with an issue that has far-flung future consequences.

Being back in uniform amplifies my inadequacy. There's some obstacle I should traverse, PR I should crush, and test I should pass.

But I'm doing what I advise clients to do: Focus on what you're uniquely capable of doing and empower others to do everything else.

David Foster Wallace explains why that advice is so hard to follow: “Everything I've ever let go of has claw marks on it."

Reluctantly, I eventually embraced my service's evolution. Ultimately, I'm here to be of use, so let's get to work.

Thank you, McChrystal Group