Thank You, But Make It Meaningful

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Ever noticed how a heartfelt "thank you" can completely change your day? I'm talking about the kind that makes you feel truly seen and appreciated, not just an automatic "thank you" when someone holds the door (though hey, good manners are always a win!). It got me thinking about how we express gratitude, and how it can have such a powerful impact on our connections with others.

The thing is, gratitude isn’t a one-size-fits-all deal. Around the world, gratitude takes on different forms—sometimes it’s spoken, sometimes it’s shown, and sometimes it’s simply felt.

In some cultures, saying “thank you” is almost reflexive—a polite habit ingrained in daily life (in the U.S., people say “thank you” an average of six times a day, which adds up to over 2,000 times a year!). In others, those two words are rarely spoken but carry immense weight when they are.?

So, with Thanksgiving taking centre stage in the U.S. this week, I thought it would be the perfect moment to step back, take a little journey through gratitude across cultures, and rethink how we can make it a deeper, more intentional part of our lives.

What Gratitude Looks Like Around the World

Here’s a glimpse into how gratitude is expressed in different cultures:

• In India, saying “thank you” within close relationships (like thanking your mum for cooking dinner or your sibling for helping out) can feel too formal. Instead, gratitude is expressed through actions, like cooking a meal or lending a helping hand in return. When “thank you” is spoken, it’s reserved for deeply meaningful moments, often paired with gestures like hands at the heart in the namaste position.
• In Thailand, the "wai" gesture—a slight bow with palms pressed together—is a customary way to express gratitude, respect, and humility. This non-verbal communication conveys a depth of meaning beyond words.

• Similar to Thanksgiving in the U.S., Japan’s Labor Thanksgiving Day (Kinrō Kansha no Hi), celebrated on November 23rd, embraces gratitude with a collective spirit. Originally a harvest festival, this day now honours hard work and community contributions. Families write thank-you notes, and communities reflect on the value of collective effort.
• In Nordic cultures, concepts like hygge (coziness) and lagom (balance) emphasise appreciating simple, meaningful moments—a warm drink, a heartfelt conversation, or a peaceful evening. Gratitude here is often internal, rooted in mindfulness and contentment.
• Among the Nguni people in Southern Africa, gratitude is a physical act. For example, when receiving a gift, it’s customary to extend both hands in a cupped position, symbolising that the gift is so valuable it must be held with care.
• When I was working on a microfinance project in Kenya, gratitude didn’t come in words—it came in song. Every day, the 22 women we worked with welcomed us with music, clapping, and joyous voices as we arrived at the sea container where we taught. They explained that these were songs of celebration and thanks. I don't know that this is a practice more broadly held but it was a beautiful experience—to me it was a deep sign that they really appreciated us being there and what we were trying to help them do.

These are just a handful of examples, and they barely scratch the surface. Gratitude takes on so many beautiful, nuanced forms across cultures, and I find that endlessly inspiring.

If you’re from one of these cultures—or if you have a different perspective or story—I’d love to hear from you! Gratitude is something we can all learn from, and I’m here to explore it with you as much as I am to share.

“Opening your eyes to more of the world around you can deeply enhance your gratitude practice.” —Derrick Carpenter, positive psychology coach at Happify

Gratitude Languages: Are You Speaking the Right One?

This beautiful diversity in gratitude reminds me of one of my favourite books, The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. In it Chapman famously shared that we all give and receive love differently—through words, actions, gifts, quality time, or touch. His insight? If you’re not speaking someone’s “language,” they might not feel the love, even if your intentions are good.

This book was a GAMECHANGER for me. I read it for the first time on a flight on Fijian airways across the Pacific about 15 years ago now and mid-flight got into a lengthy conversation with a flight attendant who told me that the book had saved his marriage. In the years since I can say that adapting my languages to who I’m trying to show appreciation for has profoundly changed the most important relationships in my life for the better.?

Gratitude works the same way. Some people feel appreciated when you say a heartfelt “thank you.” Others light up when you show it by helping them out. And for some, it’s all about spending quality time or giving a thoughtful gift. The key is knowing how they’ll best receive your gratitude.

Chapman has extended his concept to professional relationships in The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace. It highlights that gratitude at work isn’t one-size-fits-all either. Some people light up at a heartfelt thank you, while others feel most appreciated when you roll up your sleeves and help them out. I’ve written more about this topic here.

A Challenge for This Week

Here’s your mission this week, should you choose to accept it (and I hope you do):

• Think of someone—a friend, family member, or colleague—who’s made a difference for you recently.
• Match your gratitude to their “language.” Is it a thank-you note? A helping hand? A coffee catch-up?

Gratitude isn’t just a practice—it’s a mindset. And as we’ve seen from cultures around the world, there’s no one “right” way to express it. What matters is that it’s intentional, thoughtful, and authentic—not just in words, but in actions.