Thank you

The 2nd half of 2024 has been quite challenging for me. I can't even recall all the things which have happened. I only remember at the end of the summer at one of my therapy session, my therapist wishing me, that hopefully after difficult summer, I'll have easier months ahead.. and they weren't exactly easy. Zuzka's passing has changed me...

I miss who I was before Zuzana's passing. This person who thought that is going to change the landscape for people with disabilities and that the care for rare diseases won't be foreign word in Slovakia or world wide. Here I am ..writing first article after many weeks of quiet and zero progress in this endeavour.

I've been asked by one of my friend, if I had recovered from my burn out which peeked 3 years ago. It caught me quite off guard. I realised one thing and that is that I won't be who I used to be.. ever. There is not going back. I can only be someone else.

In many ways I believe I learned something valuable. Yet, I miss the person I used to be. My friend found it interesting, because we have regular deep conversations for many years now and she knew me way before my burn out manifested. I am now more confident, more stable, more myself, yet I miss this overachieving anxious person I was and am for little glimpses of time.

It's the same feeling of nostalgia like when you look at the pictures from your childhood and teens ..and you thought you were too fat, or that you had big nose..now you look at those pictures and you wonder why you thought this about yourself ?The same way I am looking at who I was "before".

Even though things look still gloomy and I am still grieving, I received one (many) massive gift. That gift is the people I work with. I didn't want to go to the party my work organised for the employees, even though I signed up for it many weeks prior. I had a lot of pressure and annoying issues at work. I didn't find it appropriate to celebrate so quickly. My colleagues began to ask what we dress for the party where we meet etc. I told in the group chat I am not going. They began to pry why. I tried to be short, but my annoyance skyrocketed . Someone nagged me for more details why I wouldn't go, I lost it. I told them I am fed up with everything and many other things among which I admitted that I am behaving like asshole but can't help it and they should stop adding to my aggravation.

They started to write me individually. ...long story short they convinced me to go and treated me like a piece of delicate porcelain. I was driven to and from the event They even brought me chair to the dance floor. They told me how much I mean to them. They listened to me. They danced with me, even though my dance skills right now are like the 70 years old aunt with osteoporosis and arthritis. They surrounded me and lifted me up.

This is the best testimonial of how I changed.. 20 years ago when I lost someone very close to me, I had zero support system. Now I am rich, because I got help immediately much more than I've written here about. I am treasuring it.

Thank you