Thank You, From All of Us Here at Tiuas.
A Heartfelt Thank You to the Lazy Elites and Texting Titans
Oh, how I must extend my deepest, most sarcastic gratitude to all the lazy, self-righteous souls out there who’ve somehow cracked the code to living without jobs or money. You know, those enlightened beings who scoff at the idea of working for anything less than a CEO’s golden parachute, or who are simply too refined, too exquisite, to sully their hands with anything resembling real work. Bless your hearts, you paragons of modern virtue. Truly, thank you.
And let’s not forget the special shoutout to those who couldn’t be bothered to pick up a phone to call me for a sales job interview because, heavens forbid, texting is just so much easier. Your Herculean effort to tap out a few characters instead of risking actual human interaction has saved me from the unbearable burden of hiring you, only to fire you later when you inevitably spill my good coffee and creamer all over the break room floor while whining about the Wi-Fi speed. So, cheers to you for sparing me that drama—I owe you one.
Out of sheer desperation—nay, necessity—your glorious inaction has forced me to unleash the colossal, world-shattering power of AI. Cold calling? Done. Creative writing? Nailed it. Website management? Flawless. Media production? Picture-perfect. Heck, I’ve even got it handling my grocery lists and telling me when my dog’s giving me the side-eye. The measly few days a month I spend tinkering with this tech—while you’re presumably perfecting your TikTok dance moves—saves me thousands in salaries, untold hours of petty office squabbles, and the existential dread of explaining “deadlines” to someone who thinks “ASAP” means “After Some Additional Procrastination.”
Now, I can do everything faster, better, and exactly how I want it, without a single whiff of backtalk or a passive-aggressive “per my last email.” No more wasted coffee runs, no more creamer conspiracies—just pure, unadulterated efficiency. So, thank you, you noble slackers and texting trailblazers. Your refusal to step up has pushed me to heights of productivity I never dreamed possible. I’d send you a fruit basket, but I’m pretty sure AI can eat it for me now. Thanks again.