Thank you for being a friend...

My mom died without any real girlfriends.

We didn’t notice it until after our father died and we, my siblings and I, looked to help our mom stay active and vibrant in her retirement in her new life.?But what we realized is that she had no friends to hang out with, do girl trips or widow cruises, book clubs, shopping, nothing... All she had was us.

That's not a flex.

She hadn’t taken the time to cultivate girl friendships, or perhaps she simply didn’t know (or forgot) how.

When you are younger you could just pass a note to someone you wanted to be friends and ask…

“Do you want to be my friend, check yes or no”.

They would check their answer, pass the note back and you either had a new friend to eat lunch with or a reason to sulk until you moved on and chose someone else to ask.

But as we get older, and our lives begin to revolve around, work, home, marriage, and children, nurturing real friendships and finding room for them “at this age” has become more complex.

The hit sitcom, The Golden Girls, graced our TV sets for years. As you know, it chronicled the midlife-style of 3 women and the mother of one of those women, living together in Florida. Based on cues in the show, the characters (not the actors) except for Sophia, were just past mid-life.

·??????Blanche was between 53 to 60 years old.

·??????Dorothy was between 54 to 61 years old.

·??????Rose was between 55 to 62 years old.

·??????Sophia was between 80 to 85 years old.

What’s interesting is that if you didn’t see the first episode, you would think they grew up together and had been friends forever! But in fact, Rose & Dorothy responded to Blanche’s roommate ad and moved in a year “before the show started”. They were joined by Sophia when her retirement home burned down. Watching them nurture this late in life powerful friendship is a lesson for all of us.

Unpopular truths:

1.????Spouses come and go.

2.????Children grow up and leave.

3.????Jobs change and career paths shifts.

4.????Your parents will pass away.

5.????No matter how much you work on your house, there will be more to do.

We make these things a priority during a season, and I believe that is in order. However, we must be careful that it isn’t at the expense of our friendships. The older you get, the more you may need your girls who get you, allow you to be vulnerable and are going through peri-menopause too. As you transition through midlife, being able to have guys in your circle that you can decompress and talk shop with is critical to your balance and wellbeing.

And when the grits hit the fan (an old saying I know lol), your family will be there, and I get that. But there is nothing like having your friends show up through life's transitions. I would not have survived managing a business, helping to take care of my parents through end of life, my kids getting married, having children, moving away or even my divorce years ago…with my sanity intact had it not been for my friends.

So you're thinking, ok Camille, I get it. The message is--I need friends. But how do I build a circle now??I’m too old, busy, rusty, suspect…insert your excuse here [????????].

Here are 3 quick ways (that I am actually PERSONALLY working on too) to begin the effort to rebuild your circle and get your “golden girls (or guys)” squad together now for your golden years.

1.????Look backward. You may have some old friends that you have lost touch with and can rekindle that friendship and see if there is something left between you to salvage and rebuild on.

2.????Look laterally. Who enjoys your hobbies, books, art, golf, shopping, cars, wines, traveling..? Get involved in groups that socialize around your hobby and you have a sure-fire way to find people who have at least ONE thing in common with you.

3.????Look inward. If you want friends, simply put, show yourself friendly and BE a friend to the ones you have. Work on your social skills. Greet people, strike up a conversation, work through your fear of rejection and your awkwardness. Let people see and know you. Build your new circle on who you are now.

Gonna try to nurture or begin at least ONE friendship this Spring? Let me know in the comments....c'mon...you can do this. You're Gen-X baby. Midlife doesn't know who its messing with.

“And if you threw a party, and invited everyone you knew…you would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say, Thank you for being a friend.”

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Life at the Half?is a mid-lifestyle brand and community for GenXers. Founded by Camille Jamerson, CEO of?The Camille Company, Life at the Half is a part of her?Sage Creative?subsidiary. To reach Camille for consulting or for speaking...contact HER boss, her assistant Reema at [email protected] who is in charge of 88.6% of her life!