Tests

Life is full of tests, and honestly, I am tired of taking them. Every time I turn around it seems like I am taking another test…but this blog is not about the tests we take. It is about the test we should have taken.

Think about it, we take tests for just about everything: driving, school, jobs, etc. What is the one thing that we DON’T take a test for that should be on the list? Marriage! There needs to be a mandatory marriage test that is required for everyone even considering marriage, and you have to score 100% to pass.

I broke down the test into two sections, one for men and one for women. I would suggest that you answer both sections yourself before going to the answers below. Let’s see how well you know the opposite sex and how well you know yourself.

Questions Men Have To Answer About Women:

1.    When a woman says, “We need to talk.” What does she mean?

2.    When a woman says, “I will be ready to go at 6 PM“ when will she start getting ready?

3.    When a woman says, “I have nothing to wear” what does she mean?

4.    What are the 3 things you should never ask a woman?

5.    What is the 1 thing that every woman needs?

Questions Women Have To Answer About Men:

1.    When you ask a man, “What are you thinking?” and he says, “Nothing,” what does that mean?

2.    How many times should you remind him to do something?

3.    You have some big news to share with your husband who just got home from work. When should you tell him?

4.    What are the 3 things you should never ask a man?

5.    What is the 1 thing that every man needs?

Ok, if you are already reading this, you are cheating. Go back and answer the questions on your own!

Validation: The answers to these questions have come from decades of experience, observation, and too many hard knocks to count.

Disclaimer: You will find that there are sometimes multiple answers to the questions, and your answers may or may not correspond with the ones below. That is because in most cases, it is not black or white. Depending upon your sex, age, experience, and how thick-headed you are, the answers could be quite diverse.

Answer Key For Questions About Women:

1.    When a woman says “We need to talk,” she means you are toast. It is about to hit the fan, so it is best to take your beating like a man and then apologize regardless of whether you did anything wrong or not. Don’t interrupt her. Let her vent now or the volcano will just blow up later with greater intensity.

2.    When will she start getting ready? When she wants to! It will probably be a two to three hour ordeal to bathe, fix her hair, do her makeup, and change clothes half a dozen times. Don’t make the mistake of asking, “Are you ready yet?” That will cause her to give you the evil eye. Trust me. You DO NOT WANT the evil eye.  Ask her again and you will hear, “We need to talk!”

3.    When a woman says she has nothing to wear, it is not to be taken literally. She has a closet full of clothes. Some still have tags on them. It is your job to remind her of “that black outfit” she wore a couple of weeks ago and how pretty she looked in it. Don’t go venturing into her closet without her there as a tour guide. She will gladly tell you quickly all the reasons why an outfit won’t work for the occasion.

4.    3 things you should never ask a woman: 1. You never ask her about her age. 2. Her weight. 3. What’s for dinner? While you probably got the first two pretty quickly, let me explain the last one to you. If you come home from work and you don’t smell something good coming from the oven, there are two questions that are acceptable to your wife. 1. Would you like me to cook for you tonight? Or, 2. How about I take you out for dinner tonight? Anything other than that is going to open a can of worms, and who wants THAT for dinner?

5.    The one thing that every woman wants is………….drumroll please…………money! You might be saying security, but how do you have security without money? If you want your wife to be happy, you better have a job and make more than enough to pay the bills. Don’t expect her to make up the difference. If she works, that is her decision and has nothing to do with your responsibility to take care of her. Yes, love is pretty high on the list too, but how do you show a woman you love her? Money! Ok, seriously, you need to learn her love language (in addition to having a job and making more than enough money). Once you know her love language, you will be able to show her love in ways that are meaningful to her. There really is such a thing. Google it.

Answer Key For Questions About Men

1.    When you ask a man, “What are you thinking?” and he says, “Nothing,” he really isn’t thinking anything. Let it GO! Men don’t think a lot of the time. You do realize that, don’t you?

2.    You can ask a man to do something once or twice, but beyond that you are crossing the line into nagging. You need to find a different way to get him to see it as something important. I am not suggesting manipulating, but you can think of some creative ways to help him see the light. Pecan pie works for me.

3.    I don’t care if you won the lottery, give the man some space. When he walks through the door he needs time to unwind. That is why so many men go to their “man-caves.” They just need to do something mindless for a while before their brains can engage in any meaningful conversation. I realize you have to get out your 50,000 words before the sun goes down, but you might want to consider sharing the news with your best friend or your Mom first. Either that or get a dog. Give him some space and you will see him much more attentive. I hate to say it, but there are some similarities to training your dog. Be sure to ooosh over them when they do something right, like put the toilet seat down or remember to take out the trash. Do it and watch the grin that comes to their face. They did something right!  LOL.

4.    The 3 things you should never ask a man are a little more subtle than the ones for a woman: 1. “Do you know how to get there?” That is irrelevant. He WILL get there and does not need you to tell him every turn to make….unless you were going to Washington and find yourself in Florida. In that case, you need to speak up sooner than later. 2. “Can you fix this?” Of course he can. Men are wired to fix things. The real question is, “Can you fix this correctly?” That question will make him at least think before he responds. 3. “Are you listening to me?” A man can be looking you right in the eyes and be thinking about going fishing on Saturday. Sorry ladies, but men have great difficulty with listening. Our minds are constantly thinking about other things of great importance like fishing or checking out the new cars online. We do care about what you are saying. We just need you to help us redirect our thoughts periodically. You can resort to the frying pan method, but that is not as socially acceptable as it was 50 years ago.

5.    I bet most women will get this wrong, because they think that men only think about one thing. While that one thing is quite important to men, it is not the most important thing. Every man needs respect. Some people argue that respect has to be earned. I don’t think so. I think it is something we should give to someone regardless of whether they deserve it or not. Giving respect to a man is part of validating who he is. It is a bigger deal than most men like to admit and something that every man needs. Try it and you will see what I mean. Try NOT doing it and you will see what I mean too. LOL.

So, how did you do? I hope you made a perfect score. If you didn’t, guess what? No problem; you get to take the test again! You will keep taking it till you pass. Might as well pass the first time, right?

Shalom!

Dan Skognes

www.danskognes.com