"The Test"

What you're about to read is something that maybe a few dozen people will understand. But those who understand this will probably REALLY appreciate it.

Some context may be in order: Back in the early to mid 2000s, I was a business reporter, and in our newsroom, the pace of reporting news was fast and furious. Decisions that could impact markets were made in split seconds, and the email traffic that came with the territory was often equally frantic.

My colleagues and I would receive emails that were sometimes half-written, misspelled, in ALL CAPS, and sometimes missing information. To be fair, this was all done in the name of getting things done quickly and breaking news; these were professional editors simply doing their jobs.

We just found it funny.

One day, an enterprising reporter that may or may not have been me decided to circulate an inside joke-type message to a handful of colleagues. There was never any ill intention; it was just a fun way to blow off steam and have a quick laugh.

The email spread somewhat quickly and I am still asked to this day (more than a dozen years after I left journalism) whether I have a copy of the mail; "the test" that was fictitiously given to incoming editors to our news organization. I honestly didn't think I still had a copy... until a few days ago when I was going through my Gmail inbox. Thank goodness for unlimited storage!

So here, for the first time in mass publication, are some carefully-chosen excerpts from "The Test."

Question 1: A reporter calls you to say they can get a one-on-one with a prominent world leader. What do you message back with?

(A) NEED T GHET SIZEENDSCOPE.

(B) WHY DOES THIS MATTER?

(C) FINE.

Correct answer - None of the above. You don't respond.

Question 2: A reporter finds out that Merrill Lynch is about to cut two-thirds of its workforce. The source is speaking anonymously. How do you respond?

(A) TELLL HIM TO GIVEYO ON TEH RECORD!

(B) WOH IS THIS MELLIRIRRLL LYCNH?

(C) FINE.

(D) DOSE HE THINK JAB CUTS WILL HAPPENN1

Correct answer - The reporter can always cover it the next day.

Question 3: A reporter successfully breaks the day's top story. How do you respond?

(A) WHY DD YUO ONLY FIND ABOUT TIHS NOW!

(B) A COMMA IS MISSIG. U NEDE TO CHEKK COPY MOAR CLOSELY

(C) HOW DOSE HE KNOW THISS?

(D) FINE.

(E) WE NEDE HOW AHS CTHA SHFD %n IN NUT GRAF

Correct answer - All of the above, sent in rapid succession.

Question 4: A reporter tells you they are 'not sure' when a company's quarterly earnings will be announced, though they understand it will be some time between 6:45 a.m. and 9:30 a.m. How do you respond?

(a) NNED TO BE MOAR PRECISE.

(b) FINE.

(c) ^AS THE IS?

(d) SO 9 AM?????

Correct answer - Wait until after results have been announced to respond and then ask the reporter about expected timing.

Question 5: What's wrong with the following sentence: ``YUO CAN'T JUST IF TIL WIT NUBERS ARE OUT!!''

(a) Too few spelling mistakes.

(b) Needs a few more exclamation marks.

(c) Reporter may be able to decipher what you're saying.

(d) All of the above.

Correct answer - Fine.

As I said from the outset... there probably aren't a lot of people who will "get" this particular inside joke. But I'm hopeful that those who do, truly enjoyed this trip down memory lane.

If you enjoyed reading this edition of?Storytelling by Sean, please encourage your friends and colleagues to subscribe. If you have any feedback, please connect with me via LinkedIn, TikTok or at [email protected].