The Test

I was nervous anxious and feeling jittery … trying to gather my nerves just before the surprise test . Tests are supposed to be surprises, unknown…. another dark alley… how you see it is how you vision your life at the moment. I see myself stepping into the unknown every moment so for me…Its pure nothingness
The test was about to start and irrespective of my logic ….I went down on my knees to pray. Prayer has a sudden power which grips you at the fag end of your tethered courage. It did the same for me… soothed me… calmed my senses and gave me an extra bounce of courage … I felt I am not alone everybody is invited in this …we are together in this…
The test was to start …I still had 3 hours ….in anticipation I packed my paraphernalia and made my move to calm myself physically as if I believe in the silence I seek the divine. When I say physically it means rest all will follow first the stillness has to be there..
I marched back home …I cooked but it was a jiffy affair … nothing elaborate only a quick fix meal… all this while my mind still thinking about the test… I missed the present moment and here I recall doing nothing but think of the future “surprise test”. This habit of living in anxiety for what will happen in future is unconsciousness and to break the pattern one has to be conscious. I ate my lunch in silence … today I needed you “silence” but why because may be my being thought oh U might want to meet God. I know what I ate because I was present there with my food in divine silence so I was present… I can say that .. I broke the pattern of livening in future to my amazement…small efforts go a big way…
I was confused thinking what makes sense now ….I was quick and decisive (another conscious move not hesitant) cold shower or a nap.. I chose to mingle with water and why …. I again knew with wetness you become receptive… receptive to grace all around you … as if grace left me… no it never left me I was unavailable… I had shut the doors tight … thinking the outside noise is solace….the logical nuisance makes sense and I have to be a part of the same show.
I fell silent… so I fell asleep …rather dozed off… because that’s where my calmness meets my ease .. I checked my watch there was a little time left ..
I battled to switch to YouTube and surf but I bit my lip and made the conscious effort to stay in silence not losing the zone.. why ?? I have no idea may be I always knew to be focused is the best way to be prepared and in silence the focus is still there while the surfing can make you lose your zone. These are those random times when you realise the essence and power of being in silence by yourself.
The time came and the test started … I was shocked… it was new but then what did I expect .. it was a test after all.. I settled while I read … my eyes twitching and my mind playing games… the timer chimed and I settled more… something was nagging me…lets see what was it…
As I read through the questions the sinking feeling was putting its arms around me … I felt I will never pass … I knew I met my fear in this space …I was looking forward to outcome (unconscious habit)….. I looked at the time I have few hours to pass … what came up was “ok what’s the harm in trying “ …..I congratulated myself in silence I made it …out of my usual pattern of thinking of results..
I started as I worked through half way I don’t remember.. I enjoyed the test … yes odd but I did enjoy…the present moment ….I was out of it in a snap…. then I got stuck ….in the usual thinking mindset
Stuck because I became competitive with my unknown competitors and I thought how else can I do better and I realised do what you can do best.. I made some headway… I made my mark at some other section and then I heard myself say in the head “ this is subjective” . U do what you do best… I progressed..
I checked the watch … the end was near … I did what I do the best … I revised … yes revision is a must to understand what you could have done you absolutely did it .?
I submitted my test . I sat down… exhausted… how was it … I don’t know but I lived every moment of the test and will I ever forget it … the answer is yes I may not recall the questions and these answers but I certainly will remember this effort … that’s what living the moment looks like … how about you .. what’s your story ????Happy Coaching? #Shambho #leaders #leadershipdevelopment?#motivation #success #consciousplanet #people #leadershipdevelopment #leaders #coaching #stress #consciousness #innovation #future #creativity #digitalmarketing #entrepreneurship #careers #socialnetworking #startup #futurism #europe #travel #mindset
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