"Territory Unknown - The Unconscious Leap During Teenage Years" By Bitasta Roy Mehta
About Bitasta Roy Mehta
I am Bitasta Roy Mehta, and am based in Singapore. I strive to be a better human being and then a trusted professional. I believe we all are born with the divine kindness in our souls, and somewhere along the busyness of life and social distractions, we are far moved from our souls.?
I’m delighted to be a part of?PalUpNow!?to make this world a better place.?Having served in the corporate world and in the community, I have decided to get onboard as a coach for young adults, who have just stepped into the corporate world. My goal is to teach them how to be a mindful contributor to society, and be kind and uncompromising to integrity and personal excellence.?
I have specifically chosen this group to start with, because I recognize that they are stepping into a whole new world phenomena and may be at a loss to navigate their path. Today’s youth is mindful, community conscious and it is important to be a sounding board so that they stay on course. This is a new beginning and a humble contribution of my time.
Many of us long to help others but fall short either due to paucity of time or due to the lack of an opportunity. PalUpNow! is a forum which gives you the space to do service. May it be helping out elderlies with their chores, or teach someone in need online or provide a niche service which you would love to share with the broader community. It’s a voluntary service or at a reasonable service charge - choice is yours. Please make an?online appointment?so that we can meet virtually. Follow?A Mindful You on Instagram. More on A Mindful You later in this blog.?
It All Began With “Red”
No sooner than I started showing signs of recognition and ability for fully “functional” senses, I was surrounded by toys. More than toys, they were conduits of mini learning capsules. Has anyone bothered to think whether it is “fun” - they are nothing but physical forms of video games, aimed at keeping my attention and giving that extra time to the caregivers for their schedule. Nothing wrong with that, really. The intention is noble, getting the child prepared for “real” life adaptability. The wheels have begun to turn.?
And then came the recognition of colours, numbers, alphabets, animals, clothes. This is “RED” - it has been red forever, and it will be so till you live ??. This is “what, it is”. Again no harm done; in fact, more good done than harm. Strolled in the pram, I am taken to “play dates” - and with that came the next level of social learning - sit, stay, share the toys, do not throw, do not hit. More directions to be socially adept. The journey never ends really. From social “to-dos” to classroom “to-dos”, and now with expectations of me performing, as per the world’s expectation.
It all begins with “red” - and see if that holds good for you.
Is It All About Resentment?
The short and sweet response to that is an emphatic “NO”.
If one truly takes the time to understand with awareness, one may come to realise the universal and acceptable “way”. The fundamentals have not changed, and it is up to us to respond to the internal and external world.
I’ll break it down to a few challenges which come to my mind as we navigate the path through the “teenage” years.
1. The rigorous grind of the school system
a. It is important to pick up the skills which speak to us, to be prepared to make a living when we become adults. But what we might not be prepared for is the systematic “grading” and judgment that come along with it.
b. The labels of “intelligence”, “attention”, “eye for details” etc
c. The regimented way of assessments.
2. The need to be “sociable”
a. From the playdate scenario to the “go figure it out”, the journey is not that simple.
b. The diverse set of energies (read, people) around us, and an innate expectation of “goodness” - more from others than from ourselves.
c. The judgmental ego of self.
3. The race of getting to the top college
a. Prestige for parents and society drive the decision more than thirst for learning.
b. The long hours of preparation, and not to mention the anxiety of failure. The definition of failure is very narrow, just like assessments - pass or fail.
Assuming this is not going to change. Then, in a simplistic scenario of the above-mentioned challenges, what does one do? All the while, I was being prepared for life, but in reality, am I ready? Unfortunately, none of the builders makes it their business to understand that complex reality. And now comes the real education of life: the art of?living.
5 Simple Yet Difficult Facets To Navigate
1. Watch your thoughts?
a. If we sit still for even a few seconds and close our eyes, we will be exposed to the inner workings within. The thoughts cross our minds at an incessant pace. You try to stop them from coming and you find yourself against an uphill task. It gets from bad to worse. So what do you do?
b. Acknowledge the presence of the thoughts and not the content. Watch them like a movie. And over a period of time, you’ll notice that the thoughts are pretty random. Or, one thought is triggering the others, or, an incident is playing in your mind in a loop. It could be many varieties.?
c. You learn to simply watch the thoughts rather than engage with them.
2. Learn to dissociate
a. This is one lesson that we are never taught by parents, elders or by the community at large. In fact, we are taught just the opposite in an organised manner, since we were born. It almost has a negative connotation.?
b. Dissociating in effect, allows the individual to look at things objectively, in their material sense. It does not mean “apathy” or a “disinterest”. It means to dissociate one’s senses and prevailing energy to be able to “see” the individual, incident or object. For example, when we see a table, our minds immediately try and associate adjectives to the object - “beautiful, ugly, pricy, polished, broken”. These adjectives in a simple sense are “stories” that we throw on the table. The things we associate the table with. The thoughts which come to our conscious mind. And with these adjectives, comes another train of thoughts of “affordability, workmanship, and aesthetics” and from there the association to us. It is complex, but the entire chain of thought takes seconds. It happens in a flash so to speak.?
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c. When one watches the table objectively, one sees 4 legs and a top, made of wood or not. In case, there are 3 legs one notices it and then maybe, further investigate out of curiosity if it is by design or by accident. An objective investigation thus proceed.
d. In a similar fashion, when one looks at individual thoughts, the only constant feature one observes, is that they come and go. One thought replaces the other, and the process continues. It's only when we attach stories to that, ( refer to the adjective example), we prolong the process.
e. Easier said than done - but this is the way to objectively view any matter. If one can do that, the inner self takes over to ascertain, what action needs to be taken. Remember, the decision to not act is also an action.
3. Focus on your effort
a. Learn to control your own actions and words. We have already established that you cannot control your thoughts. However, you can learn the practice of observing them.?
b. It is a popular belief that one can change oneself. Maybe, and maybe not. What we can definitely do is to make the choices in our lives. Every choice comes with a consequence and has a full domino effect. The result might not be apparent immediately. It is true equally for every action. But why should that prevent us from doing the right thing, at present moment?
c. Focus on your effort towards good( in whichever terms you define for yourself) and the results will ensue at some point in time.
4. Know your triggers
a. Through the journey of the teenage years, we experience more individuals and with that comes the presence of more sensory matters. That triggers us to take certain actions. Be aware of the triggers.
b. Self-awareness need not be developed or learnt in a classroom or from a self-help book. Not everything can be condensed as you are as special as I am. There are thousands of things that have shaped the thoughts in our minds and none of them is the same. They may be similar but not the same. And hence, an observation of your thoughts and allowing them to rise and fall, which give you an idea which one sticks the most - and the triggers thereof. Be aware - and do nothing to take that away. Just watch. Over a period of time, magic happens. They simply disappear and in the process, the person who is saved is your living self.
5. Understanding the relationship between social media and you
a. I’ll simply say, that do not allow others to push yourself to be unkind to others and to your being.
b. Understand the intent of the platform objectively and I trust you to find your own response to it.
About "A Mindful You"
I’d like to say that no matter what you are going through at present, your understanding of self and interactions thereof with external matters, will shape your experience with your living years. Your experience with a person is as real as their experience with you. Please make an?online appointment?so that we can meet virtually, and follow?A Mindful You on Instagram.
I am as neurotic as you are in our own ways. Once you develop the skill and time to watch your thoughts, you will surely approach your life with more awareness. That in turn will help you to understand the missed opportunity of several others who behave and act the way they do.?
In Biblical terms, “They do not know what they are doing”. But before you take on the view of the world, take on the project of “viewing yourself”. You might come to the conclusion that “Red is red”, “Red could be orange”, it may as well be black (with some significant challenges to be overcome, scientifically) - but what matters in the end is,?
It’s just a colour. If that brightens up someone’s life, it will be nice.
I wish you well.?
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