Ten Years of Grief: A Journey of Love, Loss, and Resilience After My Son’s Death

Grief is an intricate and deeply personal journey. It doesn't follow a linear path nor adhere to a timetable. Instead, it ebbs and flows, sometimes overwhelming, sometimes quietly present, but always a part of life after loss.

For me, navigating grief has been a nearly decade-long journey since the sudden loss of my 22-year-old son, Drew, in September of 2014. Over this last decade, I've learned that healing isn't about moving on, but rather finding ways to carry the weight of loss while still living a meaningful and fulfilling life.

The first year was undoubtedly the hardest. Shock, disbelief, and profound sorrow consumed my days. My wife and I were so focused on helping our other children navigate their grief and the grief we each shared, we really didn’t process our own grief for the first few months.

Each moment in that first year felt like a battle against an insurmountable tide of pain and just putting one foot in front of the other was challenging. But amidst the darkness, there were glimmers of light – memories, shared stories, and the support of loved ones and friends – that provided solace in the midst of despair. It was rare to have any positive feelings for a while.

I share this journey closely with my wife – then and now. We both share the burden of grief and the joy of love we have for Drew and his memory. Our children (now adults) also carry that onus load of grief as well. We are all on this journey together, but managing it in our own individual ways.

As the years passed, I’d like to say the intensity of grief lessened, but some days that’s not true. Other days, yes and is more manageable. However, it transformed into a quiet companion – a scar – always present but no longer as raw. I found solace over time in honoring my son's memory – through photographs, letters, keeping his things in front of us, and rituals that keep his spirit alive in my heart.

While grief brings the full spectrum of emotions you don’t expect, it raises its head out of nowhere. It hits you like a roller coaster some days – from anger and guilt to acceptance and peace. There’s no true healing as grief is a path with no destination. Some days can still be filled with sadness, while others bring moments of laughter and joy. Each emotion is a testament to the depth of love and loss that is Drew.

Obviously, one of the most challenging aspects of grief is learning to live with the absence of my son. His absence echoes in empty spaces and moments of silence, a constant reminder of the life that once was. There are still days, we see something that we know Drew would be interested in and think “we need to tell Drew about that”.

In the midst of grief, I also discovered resilience – the ability to find meaning and purpose in the face of our unique tragedy. In giving voice and confirmation to my grief, I experience a sense of purpose while still dealing with the pain of loss. You have to acknowledge it to move ahead.

As I begin marching into a decade – ten long years -- since my son's passing, I realize that grief is not something to be conquered or overcome. It is a part of who I am – a testament to the love that continues to bind us. And though the pain may never fully fade, I take comfort in knowing that my son's spirit lives on in the hearts of those who loved him. So many memories and so many important moments in life that Drew brought us to remember keeps us going.

Living with grief for ten years, has also taught me that healing is not about forgetting but remembering with love and finding hope in the midst of sorrow. And though the road ahead may be challenging at times, I walk it with courage, knowing that there’s not going to be anything more difficult to overcome – the biggest challenge in my life has already been experienced. Our family’s love for Drew endures beyond the boundaries of life and death.