Ten Tips to Successfully Network in the 21st Century

In the age of social media and connectedness, there is ALWAYS something to do if you’re in a major city.

My friends consistently give me a hard time about me being at every event this side of the sun.

Often times it’s because I know someone putting on the event and want to make sure to show my support.

It is ironic to say that about someone who many will consider extroverted, but in fact I’m very introverted, with extroverted tendencies.

I asked what people wanted me to write about next, and this topic was the winner. So I’m going to share what I’ve done and why I do it the way that I do, and why I feel that it’s made a difference in my success in business and in life.

Networking in the 21st Century is about building relationships and finding ways to contribute to the people in those relationships.

Pure and simple.

Here are my 10 secrets that I use to grow my network and connections

Tip 1:

Be clear what your intention is before the event.

Depending on the event, you want to walk in to the event with a mindset of what you are intending to get out of this event.  What would have it be successful?

It’s like mental reps professional athletes take before games.

Do you know people at the event? Do you just want to reconnect with people and catch up? Be prepared to have them ask what is new with you as well, so have a 30-60 sec update on what you’re up to. If its a lot, could be 2 minutes, but be conscious to not babble. The power is in finding out what is up with them, not you. Even though you’ll be excited about you, it can come across as self-involved or self-absorbed. These events are more about you knowing what others are up to instead of getting word out what you’re up to.

Is there something you have coming up you want to make sure to invite people to? Have a brief description or flyer image saved on your phone, and be ready to be able to email or text it to them right away (text always best). This then gets you their info, and gets your contact info into their hands right away.

Do you have a growing business venture you are up to? Then practice how to passionately describe it in a few sentences. Be able to succinctly share what it is, the value of what you do, who would benefit from it, and who people can keep and ear out for that they can connect you with that would want your product/service.

Are you wanting to build your network? Perhaps you’re in a new city or location and want to build your network. Have your 30 second personal story down first and foremost. Here’s where it can get uncomfortable for some...go up to people. If you’re at an event, people are almost always extremely welcoming and open to conversations with people. Be ready to have strong engagements with people, and have questions that you can ask people to get to know them, their business, their passions, their vision. If you can make 1-2 strong connections from an event then it is considered a success. Which is far better than a dozen weak hello’s.

The major key here is to be memorable, remember who you talk to and what you talk about.  You can make notes of your conversations if that helps, but the best way to do so is to be present and interested in the conversations. Then when you go home after, put the people’s info in your phone and make notes of the conversations and what you learned about them under their contact info.

Tip 2:

Don’t use business cards

I’ve gotten many interesting looks and feedback on this when I tell people I don’t do cards. What I do is a digital business card.  Just a high quality saved image of my business and contact info.

Here’s an example of my card that I text over to people:

My psychology behind it is simple. If I give someone my card, what can I do after that? NOTHING. I have to sit and wait until they reach out.

If I have a digital card, and they ask for my card for what I do I respond, “I don’t have a card, but I can text you my digital business card, would that work?” 99% of the time they are ok with it, and I’ll stick out in their mind because of it.

The important part of this is that now I will have their personal cell phone, which I’ll then immediately save with their info. And now I can follow up with them directly, instead of waiting for them to reach out.

Yes, there is something to be said for having cards that you can leave places. While this is just hedging your bets, it often doesn’t produce much. BUT, it’s not a bad idea to do it, I just rather focus on only dealing with people I’ve connected to and know that I’m far more likely to close business from someone I’ve met.

The industry you are in is definitely a determining factor of the success of this method, it’s not for everyone and takes a level of tenacity and chutzpah to fly in the face of what people are familiar and comfortable with.

However, if you do this well, you’ll have the personal contact info of many people who will either become friends, associates, clients, or referral partners.

Tip 3:

Be the “Connecter” Know everyone, what they are up to, their background, and make it a point to connect people to others with no benefit for you.

This is a long term strategy. A powerful way to build your connections and network is to build a long list of people who are up to something in life, and always be looking for how to support and help them.

It could be connecting them to someone who can help them with a particular problem, or a potential partnership that you see they could benefit by knowing someone else you know.

What this does is that it makes you the one that people go to for solutions.

And as the added bonus you get the benefit of being the one that they think of more often, you get to contribute to others which has its own benefits, and they will want to find a way to pay it back to you. Which could be a referral for you, a connection for you, or maybe inviting you to an event or special occasion.

Tip 4:

Any event can be a good one

The key here is “can” be a good one. Keep tip #1 in mind. If you can create an intention for the event, tailored to the likelihood of attendees, you can get your 1-2 solid connections from the event.

There will be events that don’t produce much, or you don’t like the vibe. That’s going to happen, it’s inevitable.

How to avoid these problems?

The more the event costs to attend, the higher the quality of the people there.

My father and I were looking at going the the Mile High Dreams Gala last month. It was $250 for a VIP ticket (which also included 2 great tickets to a future Denver Nuggets game) and all the Denver sports teams were going to be there along with the Who’s who of the city, and we were discussing if it would be a good investment.

I said, I’m not going there looking for business, but rather to go there to meet people and make connections. Saw some people I know there, and even got a couple potential client leads from it too...and we had a GREAT time.

I’m also very much for free events, and people know if there’s food involved there’s a good chance I’d come.  Just be aware that the easier the access to the event, the lower the overall level of attendees will be at. This is not a hard and fast rule, as there are always exceptions, but it’s a good standard rule to keep in mind.

Tip 5:

Quality or quantity?

Age old questions.

When it comes to networking in the 21st century it’s always about quality.

It’s easy to run around the room, gathering a bunch of numbers and cards, having basic conversations with no real depth, no real connection. And at the end you have a pocket full of cards to follow up with people who won’t at all remember much about you most likely.

Just like being at a club, some people want to get as many numbers from girls/guys as they can making them feel good and feeding their ego. Problem is that no connection had been made, and even if they recall you when you follow up with them, you’re starting right at that point, from zero.

Instead, imagine you meet 1 or 2 great people you really hit it off with, can have great conversations with, get to know a bit about who they are and what drives them, and you just click.

Goes that same way with business or social networking.

You never know which event or connection will be the one that alters your life.

Maybe down the line that person has a once in a lifetime opportunity that you’d be perfect for.  Or you may have it for them.

These connections are the key to building your network in the 21st Century.

There is an exception to this rule however…

If you are at an event where you know LOTS of people well, then there will be certain times where it’s about reconnecting with everyone, and you’ll likely only have 2-4 minutes of convo per person before something or someone else comes along you need/want to catch up with.

An example is a large event I was at a few weeks ago for a charity organization called the DenverGents.  It was our last event of the year, and it was celebrating a magazine release that a few of us were featured in.

There was close to 400+ people at this event. And I knew almost half of them. There’s no way I could say hi to everyone, and develop deep new connections with people. So I just went with the flow. Got to say hi and chat with most of the people I knew and go to meet their date/spouse as well.

But I was also able to meet a couple new people there as well, since they knew people I knew as well.

And I was always looking for who I could introduce to whom. For example, a friend of mine recently got engaged to a beautiful Russian woman and she just moved here and doesn’t know many people. I knew a few people at the event who were Russian and made it a point to bring them across the venue to wherever my friend and his fiancé was to make the introduction and help her feel more comfortable with people she has things in common with and also can speak her native tongue with.

After the intro, I would move along and let their convo naturally progress and I’d bump into someone else and start a new conversation.

So Networking in the 21st Century is not just about creating relationships, it's also about deepening those relationships and friendships.

Tip 6:

As you build friendships, create ways to talk each other up, combine forces so you’re never standing alone.

Many people are scared or nervous about going alone to an event they don’t know many people.

A solution for this is to get someone you know who can be your partner in crime.

Ideally this is someone who can benefit from growing their network as well.

Now, you don’t ever have to stand by yourself at a table looking at your phone waiting for someone to approach you or vice versa.

Instead of having to talk about yourself to start, you can introduce your friend, what they are up to and they can do the same for you.

You also have a built in conversation starter, and have someone that you can immediately look to contribute or find connections for.

Be prepared that you may end up as the third wheel at times, or they might as well if one of you starts a conversation with someone that’s a great fit for you.

This is a great chance to go grab a drink from the bar, and say hi to someone in line with you or standing next to you at the bar not already in conversation.

Create this dual force with the person you are with beforehand. Make sure to know how to play to each other’s strengths, as well as know what makes them uncomfortable. Find ways to make each other look good and be there to help protect them from being uncomfortable.

You can always accomplish more in a group than you can by oneself.

Tip 7:

Have a great intro, list of questions you want to know or can ask someone, conversation starters/ice breakers, and be able to quickly describe what you do

Here are a few very simple opening lines or ways to approach someone:

• “Hi, I’m _____” (then reach to shake their hand)
• Find an article of clothing or a something stylish about them that you can compliment them on. Starting with an authentic compliment is a great conversation starter and can go into, where did you get it? Etc. And then you can easily transition into…
• “What brought you to this event?”
• “How’d you find out about this?”

If you are feeling more bold you can go into…

• “What do you do?”
• “What are you passionate about?”
• “Who are you looking to connect with?”
• “Anything or anyone I can keep an ear out for that you’d like to connect with?”
• “What are the biggest problems you are dealing with right now?”

Once you get into the conversation, focus on steering the convo towards asking questions that gets them excited and wanting to keep talking and that engages them. Now you have a relationship of service and contribution built.

Pay attention to their answers and responses. It’ll likely open up new ideas for conversations or going deeper down a particular topic.

Focus on finding commonalities with others, things that you can relate to to create a powerful rapport.

Such things could be: sports, fashion, music, travel, wine, scotch, concerts, where you’re from, hobbies.

Tip 8:

Always ask others about themselves, if you can ask more about them you’ll get plenty of info, and eventually they’ll ask what you do, and you can formulate your response in a way that is appealing to them and what they do.

This plays into tip #7 a lot.

As the old adage says, you have twice as many ears as you do mouths, so listen twice as much as you speak.

Eventually the conversation will steer to what you do. But by this point you should know what they do, and you can use them and their company/business as an example of what you do and how you solve a problem potentially using them and what you’ve learn about them.

Make sure you get their info so you can follow up with them, invite them to future events, stay in touch if you find someone they should meet.

Tip 9:

Relationships created are more important than cards or numbers gotten

This is a variation on tip #5 and goes all the way back to tip #1

Your intention should almost always be focused on building relationships, and rarely if ever about going for getting yourself business.

Why? Because many amateur networkers just go around, hand out as many cards as they can and count that as success.

If you aren’t there to get business, then you are already differentiating yourself from everyone else. And you’ll stick out in people’s mind much easier than everyone else there.

Tip 10:

As you go out more, start to be picky about the events to choose to go to. Start with ones you enjoy, and then go from there.

There are plenty of tools out there to find events, paid or free.

Meetup, facebook, Linkedin, Evite, chambers of commerce, and all over the internet.

As you go out more you’ll get better at finding events that are a better fit for you.

Start with events that you enjoy so even if you don’t make connections you have fun.

Remember that people do business with people they like, so let your self-expression shine through so they can see the real you, and as long as you aren’t a jerk or rude they’ll like you.

Then you can start finding nicer and higher level events.

Once you start going out more, you’ll likely keep running into people more and more often. They’ll become good friends, you’ll want to find out how that project went, did they find someone for the role they were looking for, how their trip went.

And now you’ve also made good friends, and good people usually know other good people and you’ll start getting invited to more specifics events or groups.

Then you can start being picky about when and where you go.

These are also tips you can use during holiday parties, house parties, and any social gathering as well.

Implement what works of these, and try with the others. Some may come easier than others, and as always if you’d ever like support in any of this don’t hesitate to reach out to me or anyone else you have available.

The main lesson from this?

Building your network is about building closer relationships and finding ways to contribute to those in your network, not about what they can do you for you.

So go out there and contribute!!