Ten Things Every About-To-Be Published Writer Needs To Know

So, you had an idea and got an agent who landed you a deal and now you've written and edited the thing you dreamed about for years - The Horny History of Unicorns, The Girl In The Window On The Train, The Big Idea We Need To Worry About. It's done. Whatever your book is, it's about to come out. My debut novel is published next week but I've been working on it for years--five years. I feel like I've been pregnant forever. You Will Be Safe Here is my first novel but it's not my first book so I'm casting my mind back to the before and after of 'Maggie & Me' coming out in 2013 (the week that Maggie--Maggie Thatcher, died). How did I feel then? How do I feel now? What do I wish I knew then that I can share with you now as publication day draws closer?

Here's a list of helpful hints based on what I learned then and snippets shared with me by the writers I interview at my Literary Salon.

1. Nothing will change. You will wake up a bit earlier on publication because you're nervous and excited (unless, like me, you help yourself to one of the pills your husband takes for his back). You will not look like a Published Author and your neighbour still won't raise a smile. But you will have secret knowledge: as of publication day, you are an author. AN AUTHOR!
2. Everything will change. Because you are now 'a writer' (I decided between points 1 and 2 that I really prefer writer to author because I don't spend my life on a chaise dictating). You will be referred to as such. People can now google you and find good reviews, bad reviews or no reviews. People will expect you to be thrilled that they got your book for 99p in a charity shop. People will be surprised that you do not live in a golden castle and us JK Rowling as a footstool. All this aside, you remain a writer. You have done the thing you set out to do whatever price your book is sold for and whether it gets good, bad or no reviews. You are a writer.
3. Get paid. Some advice borrowed from Elizabeth Day and her brilliant book How To Fail. If someone asks you to talk about your book or teach a class about writing or the subject you've mastered and they're selling tickets, you need to get paid. In fact you need to get paid whether they are selling tickets or not (school talks, literary events, anything). This needn't be money (though money is never bad). Day says: 'Divide your work according to the three Ps: passion, prestige, pay. Whatever you take on, ask yourself if it’s fulfilling one of those criteria. Only say yes if you’re doing it because you love it (passion), because it’s good for your reputation or brand (prestige) or because it’s good money (pay). If the project in question isn’t ticking any of those boxes, then say no.'
4. Stop looking at amazon rankings. It's perfectly natural to obsess about these before, during and after publication. But you need to stop checking to see if they have changed after that person you met on the train said they'd buy your book to see if they did buy it or not. Really. Stop. You wrote the book and you got it published and that was your dream. PS I am looking at my amazon ranking right now.
5. Buy new underwear. If you're going to go away from home to speak at festivals or bookshops or conferences you will always forget to pack enough clean pants. I once garrotted myself in a hotel in Sydney after washing pants in the sink and then hanging them to dry on that invisible cable thing. Just go to M&S.
6. Listen to your readers. On twitter, on insta, on goodreads...all of that online stuff but also in person--at readings and in shops and in libraries and anywhere really. When I toured with Maggie & Me I was humbled by the stories readers shared with me of their own abuse and survival, of loss and of love. Readers complete the book you have written whatever that book is. So listen to them (but make sure you know when to stop).
7. Thank people. Your mother told you this and I'm saying the same--nobody worked as hard you, they didn't sit at a desk for years pulling words from their head. But chances are you haven't done the lighting, fixed the sound, lifted the chairs, sold the tickets, packed boxes of books. So get in the habit of noticing what other folk are doing to help make you look good and thank them. It's nice.
8. Never, ever respond to a review. No matter how bad it is. No matter how unfair or inaccurate. No matter how much it makes you hate them. NEVER EVER RESPOND TO A BAD REVIEW. Especially not online. Instead, take the review and wrap it round a voodoo doll and get busy with some pins. Or, spend hours constructing increasingly elaborate and violent fantasies in which you MAKE them understand that your book is not only brilliant but TRUE AND RIGHT and they are WRONG AND VENAL AND SMALL. I have friends who do not read any reviews in order to avoid this but personally I'm too nosy not to. REMIND ME OF THIS WHEN I GET A STINKER!
9. Start writing your next book now. Seriously, I know. But the thing is, if you really a writer you're missing the writing by now. It's been months of editing and fretting and marketing and stuff. You need to get back to putting one word in front of the other and alright you don't know where it's going but you didn't know that when you started this one and now look where you are: About-to-be published!
10. Enjoy it. Really. Just enjoy it.