Ten Steps to Living a Happier Life

Article and photo by Nancy Cozart

Happiness is Within Your Reach

If you have experienced a major life changing event, such as the loss of a loved one, a divorce, or the loss of a job, then you may know what it is like to feel sadness and despair. You may feel that you will never find happiness again. But happiness is always within your reach.

It may take some time until you feel happy again. Start by taking baby steps. Soon, you will find your way back to the path of happiness.

The Depths of Despair

Personally, I know what it is like to hit the depths of despair. There have been times in my life when I felt like I was drowning in a sea of sadness. I thought I would never find happiness again. When you have hit the rock bottom, there is no place to go but up.

In October of 2012, my entire world was turned upside down. It started out a day like any other day. My husband left to go to work one morning. But my husband never came back home. He collapsed at work. An ambulance was called and he was rushed to the hospital. He suffered cardiac arrest when he was in the hospital. I lost my husband. He had just turned 52. I became a single mom and a widow. I was only 48 years old.

That was a devastating blow. I felt like I had been struck by a tidal wave. I thought I would never be happy again. Grief can become all consuming. It can take away the sunshine from your life. I felt like I was walking under a dark gray cloud. Not even a ray of sunshine could permeate that intense cloud of darkness and despair.

After a year, I realized that I needed to do something to try to move forward. While grief never really goes away, it is possible to move forward and be able to find happiness again. Out of necessity, I needed to devise a plan to move through the grief and try to bring a ray of sunshine back into my life.

Just as things were starting to get better, I lost my 14-year-old nephew. Another tragedy and terrible blow for our family. Then, my beloved mother-in-law who suffered from Dementia/Alzheimer's Disease passed away.

In 2015, I got laid off from my job of 13 years. I faced another major blow to my happiness and well being. Again, I had to put an action plan in place to cope with despair and get back on track.

More recently, my father had a life threatening emergency. Miraculously, he survived emergency open heart surgery...three times. He has been struggling with health issues.

It seemed as if life kept throwing me one lemon after the next. I tried to duck, but the lemons kept hitting me.

I had to find a way to bring happiness back to my life. I will share some of my strategies with you.

Listed below are some suggestions to help you get back on track to living a happier life.

1. Try to Stay Optimistic. See the Glass as Half Full.

If you are going through a difficult time, always remember that it won't always be this way. Your life will get better in time. Life is full of ups and downs, and twists and turns. The key is to hold on tight and ride out the storm. There will be sunshine on the other side. After the rain, the sun shines again. As a rainbow stretches across the horizon, we are reminded of hope, inspiration and beauty in the world.

Always stay optimistic. Train your mind to see the glass as half full. If today is not a good day, remember that tomorrow will be a better day. With each day comes new opportunities and a new chance. Life comes with mulligans. They are called "tomorrow ". By focusing on the positive aspects of your life, you can start to see the silver lining. Every day that you wake up breathing is a good day!

If you are feeling unhappy, try to focus on all the good things in your life rather than dwelling on the negative aspects of your life. There is something good in every day.

2. Surround Yourself With Positive People. 

If you have been feeling sad, try to surround yourself with positive people. They will lift you up. If the people around you are negative, it is time to step outside the circle of negativity. Find some new friends who will surround you with positivity.

3. Build a Support System

Build a support system of family and friends to lean on. Turn to your family and friends when you are feeling down. When times are good, celebrate with your closest family members and friends. When times are not so good, turn to your family and friends for support. You don't need hundreds of friends in your support system. Just a few close friends and family members will be enough. If you have family and even a few close friends, you are very fortunate.

Also spend time with pets. You can gain support from the unconditional love that a pet provides. Petting a dog or a cat helps to lower blood pressure. Spend time with beloved pets to reduce feelings of loneliness and increase levels of happiness in your life. If you do not own a pet, consider adopting a pet from a local shelter. If that is not possible, consider volunteering to walk an elderly neighbor's dog or volunteer at a local animal shelter.

4. Build a Network 

Your happiness at home and at work is important. Build a network of business acquaintances that you can turn to for support. You never know what lemons life might give you. Be proactive and start building a network now. If you find yourself in a situation in which you get laid off and you need to find a new job, your professional network will be a valuable resource. Gather written letters of recommendation from your managers and colleagues. Ask your managers and coworkers if they will serve as references for you. Turn to recruiters, employment agencies and staffing agencies if you find yourself unemployed or searching for a better job.

Use tools such as LinkedIn to develop a professional network. Join business groups and networking groups such as Chamber of Commerce organizations to build and expand your professional network. If you are self employed, use professional networking to get business leads.

5. Spend Time Doing Things that Make you Happy

Go shopping with a friend, watch a movie, meet a friend for lunch...or take a walk in the park. Find happiness in every day activities that you enjoy doing. If you enjoy painting, take an art class at a local community college...or set up an art studio in a room in your home. If you enjoy music, go to music concerts. If you enjoy musicals and plays, go to the theater. If you like to read, go to the library and check out some books. If you enjoy writing, start a diary, start a blog or write a book.

Spend time with nature. Take a hike. Explore the trails at a local park. Go to the zoo and enjoy seeing all of the animals. Go to the beach and listen to the ocean waves crash upon the shore. Explore the beauty in the world.

Try a new restaurant for dinner. Go on a road trip. Travel and explore the world. Go sight seeing. Visit a local museum. Try exploring some place new.

Search your soul to discover what makes you happy. When you have determined what makes you happiest ...make a list. Make a consciencious effort to do the things that make you happiest. Don't put your happiness on the back burner. Make happiness a priority in your life.

6. Laughter is the Best Medicine

Laughter is the best medicine. It's the key to happiness. Find humor in your life to increase your happiness. Watch a sitcom on cable TV or Netflix such as "I Love Lucy", "Seinfeld", or "The Office". Go to the movie theater and watch a comedy. Watch funny excerpts such as "America's Funniest Home Videos". Read a humorous book. Call a friend on the phone and reminisce about funny moments that you shared. Find ways to incorporate humor and laughter into your life.

7. Stay Active

I discovered that by staying active and focusing on physical activities, it helped to take my mind off the grief. I went back to the gym and started working out again. I went back to Zumba exercise classes. I swam laps in the pool. I discovered that the more physical activities I incorporated into my life, the better I began to feel. Happiness started coming back into my life. Feelings of sadness started to diminish.

Exercise is beneficial for your physical health, your mental health and your well being. When you exercise, it increases the endorphins in your brain, which results in increased feelings of well being.

8. Step Outside Your Comfort Zone and Try Something New

About a year after my husband passed away, I decided to quit going to Grief Support Group and started taking country line dance lessons. I discovered that taking country line dance lessons diverted my mind away from the grief. I had to listen to the instructions and carefully pay attention to the line dance steps. I was not able to think about the grief when I was paying attention to the instructions. I listened to the music. It lifted my spirits. It made me feel better. I made new friends.

I joined a new trivia team through a local Meetup group. Playing trivia helped me to focus on the questions and answers, which diverted my attention away from the grief. I made new friends that will last a lifetime. I even made a new best friend!

Staying active and finding fun new activities is very beneficial to finding a happy new life. Rather than staying home and feeling sad and lonely, try taking a new class, joining a new group or trying a new activity. Step outside of your comfort zone and try something new in order to incorporate more happiness in your life!

9. Be Resilient

Stress management and building resilience are key factors to living a happier life. Life will always present challenges and stressful situations. There are certain variables in your life that will be beyond your control. Challenge yourself to develop resilience to better manage stress and overcome the obstacles in your life. You may not be able to control every aspect of your life. But you can choose how you respond in any given situation. How you react is key. Your resilience and reaction is where your true strengths lie.

Always remember to forgive others, even if you are not able to forget. Forgive yourself for any mistakes you made in the past, too. You are only human. Holding on to negativity and grudges will only hurt your chances of living a happier life. Break free from the chains of being unable to forgive.

Live in the present. Don't live in the past. Yesterday is behind you now. Don't live with fear of the future. It hasn't happened yet and there is no point in being anxious and stressing about tomorrow. Live for today ...and make it a beautiful day. Obsessing about the past will only ruin your happiness in the present. Let go of the pain and turmoil of the past. You were given a gift called life. Make the most of it. Cherish it. Embrace your happiness today. You never know what tomorrow will bring.

10. Pay It Forward

Consider volunteering for a nonprofit charitable organization. Pay it forward. Give back to your community. Do random acts of kindness.

There are so many nonprofit charitable organizations that need volunteers. By focusing on helping others instead of focusing on your own problems, it will lead to greater happiness in your life. It helps to put things into perspective. You may have problems and issues in your life, but there are other people who are less fortunate than you. By helping others, you can give back and help to make the world a better place.

Consider serving meals at a homeless shelter. Volunteer your time at a food bank and help prepare food packages for needy families. Lead a charity walk team. Volunteer at a charitable event. Volunteer your time at an animal shelter. Volunteer at schools and in the classrooms. Coach a youth sports team. Visit terminally ill children in the hospital and volunteer to read books to the patients. Volunteer at a nursing home. You can live a happier life by helping others.

Throughout my life, I have been very passionate about volunteerism. When I was in high school, I served as a volunteer Art Therapist at a local nursing home, working with elderly patients.

As a parent volunteer, I was the head room mother for all three of my children's classrooms. I planned and coordinated their class parties and volunteered in the classroom, in addition to volunteering for field trips.

I have served as a volunteer for charity trivia nights, golf tournaments and charity walks. I have led charity walk teams. I have volunteered at food banks, as well.

I once planned and coordinated a family Mini Golf Tournament to raise funds for the victims of Hurricane Katrina.

I enjoy doing random acts of kindness. While going through the drive through at Starbucks, I often pay for the order for the car behind me. I believe in Karma. I also believe that performing random acts of kindness makes the world a better place!

By volunteering, paying it forward and performing random acts of kindness, you can help to increase your own levels of happiness. Bring a smile to someone elses face and see how it brightens your day!

Happiness Starts From Within

Rather than looking to somebody else to make you happy, realize that true happiness starts from within.

Never let somebody else hold the key to your happiness. If you rely on someone else to provide you with happiness...you might be devastated when that person leaves your life...through divorce or death, for example.

If you are a mother and you look to your children to bring you happiness, you will be devastated when your children grow up and move away.

You need to look deep within yourself and realize that your own happiness starts from within. You are the keeper of your own happiness. You hold the key. You have the power within you to be happy. You have had it all along.

Life is a gift. Do not put off pursuing your happiness. Do not assume that someday you will have the time...maybe when you retire. If there is something that you want to do...do it now. You never know from one day to the next what might happen. Unfortunately, I have first hand knowledge of that.

You can live a happier life. Start today. Make every day a great day. Time is ticking. One day, you will run out of time.

Visit my blog "My Wonderful World of Words" at nancycozart.wordpress.com

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