Ten Signs your Child is Being Bullied

One of the biggest problems we have found in our work with families, which is echoed in the feedback from the thousands of interviews we have carried out with parents, is that it’s rarely obvious that your child is being bullied.?

Often, the subtle changes that occur go under the radar. The trouble is that when we do finally discover that our child is being bullied, they have already been experiencing it for a long time. While bullying is a transition and a learning opportunity that a child can grow from, they need us to implement practical steps and mentoring right from the start (and even beforehand) to help them get through this transition quickly.

Based on our experience, these are the ten most common signs to watch out for:

1. Your child is depressed

Children who go through bullying often show insecurity, depression, loneliness and low self-esteem. They may say they are tired and want to sleep more or stop enjoying activities they previously got a lot of joy from.

2. Your child has aggressive outbursts at home

When a child is going through bullying, their emotions can build up over time and outbursts are likely. They act in this way because they feel comfortable showing their emotions at home. This is a clear sign of built-up tension.

3. Your child doesn’t want to go to school or a club/class

If your child suddenly shows a lack of interest in school or their clubs/classes, this may be an indication of bullying. They may want to avoid school entirely because they know they are likely to be bullied.

4. Your child’s behaviour gets worse or their grades go down

If your child is typically well behaved but you start to receive reports of bad behaviour, or if their grades inexplicably decline, this can be a clear sign that they are being bullied.

5. Your child has unexplained injuries

When bullying becomes severe, it can turn physical. If your child is displaying (or trying to hide) injuries or bruises, this is a sign of bullying. Don’t be tempted to brush this aside, thinking ‘kids will be kids’. Make a note of any injuries and see if a pattern emerges.

6. Your child’s self-talk is negative

When you talk to your child about their day, how do they speak about themselves? Can you observe any negative self-talk? How do they analyse their performance? One of the saddest things about bullying is that we often listen to the bullies, accepting their negative comments about us without challenging them and, after a while, come to believe them. Their comments become our thoughts. By listening carefully to your child’s self-talk, you will have a good indication of if they are being bullied.

7. Your child self-harms or talks about suicide

Sadly, we have had dealings with dozens of children, especially adolescents, where the subject of self-harming or references to suicide come up in conversation or in their diaries or social media comments. It’s vital that this is taken seriously. If it is a sign of bullying, removing your child from the harmful social situation is the most important immediate step. However, teaching them to overcome these challenges is equally important so that it does not repeat in the new social circle.

8. Your child prefers to be alone

If your child suddenly prefers to be alone, this may be an indication that they are being bullied. If we are constantly picked on in a social setting, we will find comfort in our own space. Note that this self-isolation can occur at school rather than at home, e.g. by hiding in the library during lunch breaks, so it is important to communicate with teachers and school staff as well as observe what is happening at home.

9. Your child’s eating habits change

If your child’s eating habits change, this could be a psychosomatic response to stress. Stress impacts our appetite. If you notice this and it continues for a prolonged period, look carefully for other signs and open up a dialogue around bullying with your child.

10. Your child starts shying away from challenges

If your child is reluctant to try new things or push themselves to go further in one of their existing activities, or if their progress in a particular activity slows down, this could be another sign that they are being bullied.