Ten Minutes Fast, Chapter 36, "As Seen Across The Universe"
My cousin Joe speculated once when we were in high school that all the words we speak must go somewhere. He theorized that they all go up into outer space and are forever heard across the universe. Since he was a student smart enough to attend Brooklyn Technical High School (Brooklyn Tech) and I went to the local high school, Bushwick, I figured he was probably right.
Our friend, Frankie Sorrentino, however, whose father, an Italian immigrant and who owned the corner grocery store, was a student at Westinghouse High School, an electronics and technical school offering careers in broadcasting, told us that he didn't know about the spoken word, but that radio and television broadcast signals did traverse the universe once emitted.
Hmmm ...
Did this mean that our top 40 radio hits and favorite television programs would live forever in the vast reaches of the universe ... reaching far away galaxies, planets, and other life forms? Would 'I Love Lucy' be seen and heard forever, everywhere? And all the reruns too? How would the famous and hilarious (to us) "Chocolate Factory Scene" play to a perhaps humorless alien audience somewhere in a dark black hole nebula? Would they laugh or would it piss them off?
... you can see this famous comedy bit on the link at the end of this chapter ... the U.S. Postal Service even made a commemorative stamp depicting this scene. See it in the above photo.
If the Universe had a clever marketing department, and it might just have one, it would promo the 'I Love Lucy' show with, "Broadcast live from planet Earth! Seen across the entire Universe!"
What in Heaven's name would they think of us? What would they think of us in Heaven?
Would Telly Savalas become a god called 'Kojak' to a planet in a hidden galaxy in some far corner of the universe?
And what about Elvis?!
These things must be considered, and their ramifications a concern, especially now to Thomas Baker and George Phillips who are also traveling through time and space in some yet unknown frequency. Is their mission to save America even in more jeopardy than they realize? They don't have to worry about a meteor shower, but would some electronic "broadcast shower" somehow interfere and alter their trajectory? They could end up on 'Gilligan's Island' ...
(Author's Note:?This Thomas Baker novel is largely based on true events. Some chapters are preordained with creative license in order to move the story along. This story follows Baker's 'Sunset Playland', 'Sweet Land of Liberty', 'Something for Nothing', 'Exodus Afghanistan: A Personal Story', and his 'Burnt Bridges and Loose Ends'. All of these books can be seen, posted chapter by chapter in their original and unedited manuscript form in search of a formal publisher, on this LinkedIn web page in the "Featured" and "Activity" sections. Some names and places, and dates, have been changed for privacy, personal protection, and national security)
... instead they're on this island in the Bahamas on October 12, 1492 with the Italian explorer Christopher Columbus and his three famous ships, the Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria and their crews, as he discovers America.
Baker and George have just been asked by Columbus, who has just set foot on shore and has encountered Natives, to retrieve a chest of gifts from the good ship Santa Maria which he has stored in his cabin anticipating such an event. They row back to the ship, and Baker brings the chest up from the captain's quarters as George waits above on deck trying to recalculate their coordinates to put them back on their original trajectory for Valley Forge, Pennsylvania during the winter of 1777-1778. George is just beginning to get the hang of this new time travel tech.
Considering the current crossroads crisis in American regarding the 2024 presidential election, their idea, as outlandish as it sounds (but just play along and go with it ... for the sake of the story), is to catch the General George Washington in his crossroads moment of an imposing defeat against the British troops who far outnumber his Continental soldiers who are freezing-cold, ill-equipped, hungry, and demoralized. Somehow, someway, they need to encourage him to move forward, undaunted, and let him know the future of America is counting on him ... and that he owns the future.
When Baker returns to the main deck of the Santa Maria carrying the chest, he discovers that George is nowhere to be found. He calls out but there's no answer. He fears that George has somehow mistakenly gone off in time and space leaving him behind in ... 1492.
"Oh, my God!" ...
As the reality of this nightmare within a dream wrapped in terror manifests itself, Baker thinks of Ilene, his daughters ... that he will never see them again, nor they him. The last Ilene knows is that he and George have gone for a run at the Logan High School track and they'll be back in an hour or so. She has cold lemonade waiting for them.
Baker also thinks of Hennessy, the President, and Jerome Little Wolf who are all counting on him ... to not let them down. Not let America down. He is beside himself with fear as the stark reality of this seemingly unreal yet extraordinarily omnipresent situation overwhelms him.
He thinks of George, and where he could possibly be in time and space right now. Is he aware of what has happened, or is he now caught up in some other dilemma somewhere out in the universe, or here on Earth but in a different time?
As Baker sits on the chest he's just retrieved from Christopher Columbus's cabin aboard the Santa Maria trying to think through his situation, and as Columbus and his crew await his return with the chest, a strange sensation suddenly gripps him ... and no, it's not the feeling that there is no one else on board the ship. No sentry or guard to watch the ship. Strange, yes, but maybe that's the way they do things. Not advisable, but who is Baker to question Christopher Columbus? He can, however, see men on the other ships anchored offshore, the Nina and the Pinta. So, there's that ...
And maybe it's luck, as scarce as it has been, that he is alone on the Santa Maria. Seemingly ...
The sensation that has taken over Baker is frightening. It's like a dream where you can't move your legs or arms, you try to run but it's in slow motion ... you can't scream although you try ... "Oh, what fresh hell is this?", Baker thinks to himself.
Suddenly, sitting next to him on the chest ... is Ray Hennessy. Not George. Ray Hennessy ...
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Hennessy is as confused as Baker. They are both well past confounded. But in his typical style of exploiting the moment, Hennessy says ... "Tommy boy, I don't remember if George told me to shut my watch down or leave it on ... BUT WHERE THE HELL ARE WE?!?!?!? ..."
Baker is trying his best to keep a level head. You, as a reader, should try to hang in there as well. This is complicated and frightening enough, being "cold, wet, and hungry, and far away from home", but being centuries away is almost unbearably uncomfortable. So, please, hang in there ...
Baker is happy for the company. Happy to see his partner and best friend. But he's concerned about the new complications that now exist. Hennessy did not experience the short time warp with Baker and George in the hotel room with Kahil in San Diego. But his watch was activated at the time and he did experience some discomfort. That dreamy, nightmarish feelling. Baker and George described what had happened, so, Hennessy does have an idea of what is going on now ...
... but still he wants to know and asks Baker again, "WHERE THE HELL ARE WE?!?!?!?!? ... AND WHAT ARE THESE STUPID CLOTHES I'M WEARING?!?!?!?!? ... WHERE'S GEORGE?!?!?!? ..."
As Hennessy is saying this, they both realize that he is indeed wearing different clothing. He is curiously dressed in what looks like a Revolutionary War Continental soldier's blue uniform. But it's faded old and worn, coming apart at the seams. He's wearing a beaten-up tri-corner hat with a scarf over his ears. Hennessy's boots are in shambles and his feet are wrapped in rags. He realizes, and then says that he is cold.
Stick with me here ...
Back in the Oval Office, the President and Jerome Little Wolf are open-mouthed awestruck at what has just happened. Ray Hennessy has just disappeared right before their eyes. Just like that ... poof! Well more of a "Scotty, beam me up" kind of a disappearance. But either way, they may have some idea of what has happened ... but they really have no idea ...
Time travel is tricky. It is not an exact science. In fact, it's not a science at all. It is way beyond science. It actually defies science. It teases science with its ramifications and potential. But it's as elusive as death itself because no one has gone there and returned to report on it.
There are jokes about time travel, as anyone who has seen Kip and Uncle Rico's time machine in 'Napoleon Dynamite' will remember ... and there have been some serious and some not so serious attempts to introduce the concept of time travel as seen in the film 'The Time Machine' and various episodes of the TV series 'Star Trek'.
But what George and Baker, and now Ray Hennessy have discovered is a totally different and realistic medium venue to this incredible transformation into, through, and around time.
What they are learning is that by using whatever forces or bio-technical and AI-GPS powers the wristwatch George has found produces, it's a thought process and verbalization that activates the technology. Think it and verbalize it on the right frequency while wearing the watch set ten minutes fast, and countered ten minutes slow on a reciprocal watch if traveling in tandem to create an exit and entry time portal ... and then you go there. It's just that simple.
It's like Alexa hearing you and reciprocating with actionable data. And it works every time. No joke. And it's not funny. But interference with broadcast frequencies in space is something that is yet to be understood ...
... what is funny, however, is the Lucy "Chocolate Factory Scene". And you can test your sense of humor and Earthly origins against anyone else in the universe by viewing the scene in the link below here. If it makes you laugh, you have a healthy sense of humor and you are most likely a solid multigenerational Earthling. If you don't laugh, and you don't see the humor in the piece, or you don't get it, then you may be an alien with roots somewhere in a dark black hole nebula ...
Lucy and Ethel, Chocolate Factory Scene,?'I Love Lucy', Season 2 Episode 1, 1952?
... either way, Baker and George, and now Ray Hennessy are about to embark upon the most exciting and significantly important mission of their careers ... and in the most astounding and compelling way, the greatest adventure of their lives, or anyone's life, ever, in all the history of mankind. In the balance hangs the American presidency and the future of America ... and very possibly, the future of planet Earth.
John Kushma is a communication consultant and lives in Logan, Utah