Ten Life Lessons from my Commencement Address to UC Berkeley Legal Studies Graduates

I was grateful to give the Commencement Address to UC Berkeley's Legal Studies Graduates.  Although my remarks were mostly about ways to improve access to justice, I'm posting here instead -- by popular demand -- the 10 life lessons that I shared first.

It has been a while since I graduated college.  But I remember it well enough that I suspect I know what you all are thinking.  You are thinking: “how long is this guy going to talk?”  

So I will not do what you probably expect -- which is talk about some success that I had and then offer you my unsolicited advice.  Instead, I'm going to cut to the chase and give you my unsolicited advice right away.  And then I'm going to tell you about something that I feel we've failed at, and offer you a challenge.    That's it.

        So first here are my top 10 pieces of advice:

        First, find something you care about passionately and make it your career.  As long as it is legal.  And as long as it does not involve being a mime.  No one likes mimes.  So do what you are passionate about, unless it is being a mime.

         Second, use your money for things that matter.    Paying interest isn't one of them.  Don’t use your Visa card to pay off your Mastercard.    After you've covered the basics, always save something to give to worthy causes.  You make a living from what you get, but you make a life from what you give. 

            If you are going to be extravagant, spend extra only on the things you will touch every day.  Most things you buy are just clutter.  But the computer you use every day, the pen you write with, the bed you sleep in, your desk chair, the razor you use to shave, your toothbrush, the things you touch every day -- make sure you like those.  It will mean that even on your worst day, you will be doing something you like.  

        Third, floss every night.  At home.  Not in public, which is disgusting.  But in your bathroom.  The only thing more disgusting than flossing in public is the nasty gum disease of people who never floss.  Don’t be that person.  Floss.

        Fourth, the same goes for sunscreen.  A good life is mostly the accumulation of good habits.  Using sunscreen is one of them.

        Fifth, make New Year’s resolutions that you can actually keep.  Like flossing, or using sunscreen.  Don’t say your resolution is to write a best-selling novel, make a million dollars, or win the Nobel Peace prize.  That will just make you feel badly when your novel is not a best seller, or you make less than a million dollars, or, like me, those so-called “ judges” in Norway inexplicably overlook you year after year after year.  Pick a resolution that matters that you can keep.  Floss.  Use sunscreen.  By the time you are my age, you'll have at least 50 good habits.

        Sixth, never, ever, ever, ever text and drive.  Seriously. 

        Seventh, don’t do anything else with your phone that you will regret later.  In fact, before you take a picture, ask yourself, “is this something that I should only share on snapchat?”  And if the answer is “yes,” don’t take the picture.

        Eighth, in whatever you do, never give up.  Things rarely work out the first time.  That isn’t failure; its learning a way that did not work.  Winston Churchill said that "success consists of going from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm."  Everyone gets knocked down.  The difference between success and failure is that whatever number of times you get knocked down, get back up just one more time than that number.    

           Ninth, be a good friend and don’t reveal other people’s secrets.  Every good thing that has happened in my life has come from being a faithful friend.  So if a friend confides a secret in you, and you absolutely have to tell someone, then tell a mime.  Because they can't talk.  And then kill them.   Just to be sure.  And because they're a mime.     

        Finally, don't marry a Kardashian.  After nine seasons, it's pretty clear that this only leads to bad outcomes.  In fact, beware of reality t.v. actors in general.  Particularly this year.  Especially in November.  And really, don’t ever take advice from celebrities.  Fortunately Ambassadors are not celebrities.  So take my advice.

        That’s my advice.