Ten Life Lessons For any Season of Transition

I stumbled upon this note I wrote in 2016 during a career transition from full-time employment to consulting. Like most transitions whether personal or professional in nature, things can seem daunting and scary. The uncertainties involved with new and bold challenges can create limitations that result in negative experiences and potentially negative outcomes. This note was an intentional letter to myself to honor the lessons I had learned, and principles to serve as reminders as I moved forward in that season.

Now several years later, even with deeper understanding and experience behind me, I find some of the ideas still hold true. So I am sharing them as is to maintain the integrity of its time and context. Please feel free to share, expand on any, add, challenge and share yours as well. Leave a comment on what resonates with you! Happy New Year!

1. You are your choices, choose consciously! The most powerful thing to realize is knowing that you can make a choice. I sought guidance from the closest entrepreneurs I knew personally at the time - my brother and his wife. They own a few thriving pharmacies in College Station and Houston, Texas. They reminded me that ultimately life is a series of Choices, each with its own fork and paths. There is no wrong choice as long as you learn, and you’ll never know what the other choice would have brought (See opportunity cost). And if you are fortunate to be confronted with multiple options (personally or professionally), I have found that choosing opportunities that lead to profound learning rather than incremental ones are those that have been most transformative. The potential may sometimes not be apparent, but give it some time. So, choose wisely, and trust that your choice will help you learn and grow. 
2. Fear as a signal, embrace it! Fear is your friend, don't shy away from things that make your heart beat faster or make you uncomfortable. In the right doses, fear is a catalyst to massive action. It is a healthy emotion if you don't let it paralyze you. We all have to face it in one form or another, whether it's moving away from friends or loved ones, starting a new career or not having a job for that matter - let it scare you because you are human & it means things matter. Now, take positive action. Call your friends often, search and apply for jobs, say hello to people at your new office, ask to get coffee and get to know them, go to a movie by yourself. Action is all that matters, take one tiny action to counteract that fear every single day and in the long run you would have conquered its power over you. In the end, remember - it's not that serious, give yourself a break. See #10.
3. Its Ok to Cry! By cry, I mean let yourself experience how you feel, and learn to express vulnerable emotions. Accept the emotions you know deep down are happening and preventing you from truly expressing yourself. I learned from my sisters that if something hurt bad enough, crying helped relieve the pain, and a good sense of surrender (letting go) overcomes you after. I had lots of work to do here because traditional notions of masculinity conflicted with this notion. So, no matter your gender definition - feeling or crying doesn't make you weak, and it may help you heal faster.
4. Sharpen your Peripheral Vision! Sometimes we get too focused on a singular goal and path, that we forget to see the many other ways of achieving the goal. Here the old adage that "the road to success is a winding road" rings true. I urge you to seek for the alternative ways to accomplish your goals and to focus on the essence (Why are you pursuing this?) of your goals rather than the goal itself. It'll save you time, heartache and pain.
5. Play the Long Game! With overwhelming information overload through various forms of media, you may find yourself wishing you had the life of others, questioning why you’re not as ‘happy’ as others appear to be or doubting if you would ever be this or that. STOP THAT MESS! Your journey is yours to live, in whatever form, shape or appearance it presents itself. LIVE IT well and gracefully. Pursue goals that resonate with your ‘true self’ – you know, that person inside you who’s weird, odd, happy sometimes, sad sometimes, messes up sometimes, thinks too much sometimes (or all the time like me), etc. Change careers, grow in other areas of life, develop a healthy questioning attitude, and be courageous to pivot. Celebrate your accomplishments so far, they took real effort. Be happy and celebrate others’ successes, and then return your complete focus on your journey. In time, you will find contentment in focusing your energy on your journey than those of your friends, family, society or media.
6. Develop and Guard your Self-Confidence! I believe the only real power you need to embark on just about any challenge or endeavor is a healthy and generous dose of self-confidence. I also believe that many more times than I cared to admit, some of my most trying times resulted from diminished levels of self-confidence. For example, you make excuses as to why you won’t quit a job that’s no longer serving you or leave that relationship that’s holding back your true potential. Over time, in that job or relationship (or whatever ‘situationship,’) your excuses become institutionalized, that is, your tolerance for sub-par experiences is greatly increased. And now this is your new normal. You can convince yourself that you need to wait till … (fill in excuse(s) here). Do what you need to gain better perspective of your circumstances but don’t wait too long. Because the subtle underlying erosion in your self-confidence may take longer to reverse.
7. Learn to serve! That’s all you are called upon to be and do in whatever capacity you find yourself. Serving your customers needs, your employees needs, your needs, your families needs, and your community. Do it well. Do it wholeheartedly because your people perceive the quality of your service by your attitudes, behaviors and presence.
8. Be Gracious and Mindful! Our actions matter, even when we don’t know that they do. You will encounter many personal and professional trials and qualms, endeavor to extend grace to others and yourself no matter the situation. People take cues from us however small or large, positive or negative. These cues signal to others what we value, dislike, etc., and in so doing we condition/teach others. So be aware of the type of example you’re setting for your family, colleagues. As a leader, which you always are – Example is the only thing.
9. Be an Instrument! As a young lad I attended boarding school and became fascinated with a prayer attributed to St. Francis of Assisi. The person saying this prayer is asking to be used as an instrument for good virtues. Virtues like peace, hope, love, understanding etc., are mentioned and I believe they underlie most innate human desires. For example, one line asks the reader to ‘seek first to understand than to be understood.’ Absent the religious leanings of the prayer, I believe these virtues can serve as a framework for living a peaceful fulfilling life. Maybe you might find it worth the read.
10.  It’s really not that serious! So, smile, forgive, love, and enjoy learning as you go.

These are principles to ponder as you go, and I hope you find them useful. Be open to put them in the context of your life. They are in no particular order except for #10. You have an opportunity to be, experience, and do whatever you Choose every day.  

Thank you for reading!