THE TEN DELUSIONS

And Other Brutal Relationship Realities:  The Book of Relationship Answers Only a Divorcé Could Write

Below is a draft TOC for my next book. It is intended to be a simple, blunt, snarky, and honest take on relationships. Since I believe that professional relationships are often very similar to personal relationships, it's worth sharing this work with LinkedIn as well.

The basic premise is that all relationships go through three phases: the honeymoon, the reality, and the reaction. During the honeymoon we are lost in love. Everything is rosy. Problems are few and far between.  

Of course, that never lasts and we enter phase two: the reality. Here we come to realize that nothing is perfect. You didn’t know them as well as you thought. Marriage is different than you imagined. To cope with this new reality, you begin to indulge a few unproductive delusions such as, “I can fix him.” Or, “This too shall pass." 

Eventually your coping efforts become insufficient and you hit a wall. The breaking point. Welcome to phase three: the reaction. You can throw gasoline on the fire and make things worse: fighting, the cold shoulder, the blame game. Or you can start something new and positive within the relationship. It’s hard work but entirely possible. Defining a new reality as a couple begins by admitting that you both played huge roles in creating the mess you wish to fix. You will find success when you commit to making regular investments in the relationship. Time to start talking and touching. 

However, for some, the most productive solution is divorce. A divorce does not mean the end of the world. They are only nasty when the participants choose to be nasty. For the select few who choose to embrace positivity, a divorce is just a mechanism that allows a new form of relationship to emerge. A new chapter and a new type of friendship that can benefit all involved. Adult dating is similar – you really do get what you ask for.

For each chapter, I’ve tried to craft a funny or useful quote to encapsulate the chapter’s message. Here is the first pass – enjoy!

Chapter 1 - Welcome to your mess

“There is something enchanting about a good relationship. Why else would we endure a thing so fraught with peril?”

[Phase 1 - the honeymoon] 

Chapter 2 - Inhaling the chemical cloud

“Love is the strongest narcotic, and it’s free – of course we’re junkies.”

[Phase 2 – the reality]

Chapter 3 - The toxic cycle

“You never truly know a person until you marry them, but then it’s too late.”

Chapter 4 - Destructive delusions

“Just because you don’t think you’ve done anything wrong doesn’t mean you’re not guilty.”

[Phase 3 – the reaction]

Chapter 5 - The breaking point

“Sometimes you want to go on a rampage or crawl in a hole and die. You’re not crazy. You’re just married.”

Chapter 6 - Kick-starting change

“You can’t fix them. But if you’re brave, you can fix yourself and then maybe they’ll do the same.”

Chapter 7 - Defining the new you

“Honestly doesn’t have to be brutal. A small sting will do.”

Chapter 8 - Feeding the meter

“One great conversation doesn’t fix anything. One thousand, maybe.”

Chapter 9 - The positive divorce

“Divorce isn’t about ending something negative. It’s about beginning something positive.”

Chapter 10 - The single adult

“Kissing frogs only guarantees bad breath.” 

Closing…

Wish me luck! I hope to have it available before the end of the year.

www.drdewett.com