Tell Your Own Story

Early in my Journey into Peer work, I was approached to take part in a project that involved putting together Peer stories for the Australian War Memorial. I remember being excited to not only share my experiences but also to tell part of my story at a national level.

I was told at the time that a Narrative Therapist would be leading the project and working with us to help develop our stories as needed. I sat down that night and let my creative juices begin to flow. As is normal for me with these sort of things, It ended up being somewhat emotional reflective process & I felt like those emotions had been sufficiently transferred onto paper. I forwarded my work onto the designated therapist & sat back waiting for some positive feedback or advice around grammar or sentence structure (I did leave traditional schooling at 11 after all…)

"I still remember the bus?ride?that took me to the Australian?War Memorial?for the first time like it was yesterday. A few weeks prior to that I had been on a very different ride, one that dropped me at Kapooka for the start of my?military?journey.?

I remember that visit being overwhelming, there was so much to see in this huge building, so much history. I was surrounded by the stories of those that had gone before… Within?thosemind blowing stories I found tales of valour, honour, sacrifice and mateship. As I contemplated these foreign values, I realised I?was?surrounded?by?the faces of warriors who had walked this path long ago.?Their faces were as strange to me as the values they represented. At that time, I was just a kid from Tassie who didn’t even know what ANAZC Day was.As I sat on the bus heading back to the reality of recruit training I wondered if I had it in me to walk in the footsteps of the brave men & women who have had the privilege of wearing the Rising Sun before me.?

Before long, recruit training finished,?followed not long after by a trip to Singleton to earn my very own?“Skippy Badge”.Before?long?the rituals & traditions of the ADF became a comfortable part of my routine?as?did training & deployments. Over a 10 year period it seemed that I was either training or deployed as Australia entered?one of the highest deployment periods we had seen since Vietnam. It wasn’t until my final deployment?to Afghanistan?that?the tempo caught up with me and?things started to go wrong. As my mental health deteriorated, so did my since of pride & self-worth. I had a new understanding of the pain I had seen but not understood on the faces of?those?warriors?who?had lined the walls on that very first trip. Their tales of deployments?to strange lands didn’t seem so foreign anymore and while I had connection with those men & women I no longer felt their pride of service. You see, in the end I had been medically discharged. A choice that was ultimately made for me. This lead to a loss of identity that would take me many years to overcome.?

Around the?same time that I was discharged, it seemed that thing were falling?apart across my whole life.?My journey had come to an end so?I decided it was time to return to where it had all started.?I packed everything I owned into my?ute?and started the long drive from Brisbane to Tasmania.?As I drove past the turn off to Canberra, I made the last minute decision to make a detour to the AWM. I hadn’t visited since that first time as recruit and I now had a personal connection as the names of my brothers are?forever enshrined within?thosewalls, along with all?who made the ultimate act of mateship. I needed to pay my respects…?

As I walked the halls the Australian?War?Memorial,?I realised that the faces looking down on me where no longer only those of strangers, their ranks had grown to include the faces of my mates. Brave men I had been privileged enough to stand next to for a short period of time. The values they represented were ones that I found comfort?&?pride in.?The stories they told were ones I?had lived?alongside?them, they reminded me of the good times I shared with them. Their stories no longer seemed to be full of sacrifice & hardships, although those elements were still there, I instead saw pride, loyalty, honour and duty. I felt proud that I had spent my time becoming a part of the privileged few who earn the honour of serving this country.?

In the following days as I finished that long drive, I realised a few things. Firstly, that the privilege of service isn’t for life. There comes a time step aside to make room for the younger generations to learn those valuable lessons and secondly, I needed to live my life in line with the values that had been forged through the hard work?& sacrifice of those gone before me. After all, the only way to honour them is to live this life to its fullest. The final thing I realised is that whenever I need a reminder,?I would have this amazing facility to help me stay connected to my?defence family."

Instead, it seemed as though my co-worker was annoyed that I have taken the initiative and written something before talking to them. I spent the remainder of the hour slightly deflated but still engaging and talking through my experiences of service and time spent at the AWM. The session ended at our allotted time and I began to patiently wait for the edited copy of my story… This is what I received:

"Craig reconnects with his service and mates

I was interested in the video exhibit?Operation Slipper in Afghanistan.?My second Afghanistan deployment was 2010, which had the highest Australian casualty rate since Vietnam. This deployment was cut short for me when I was returned to Australia after only three?months due to the premature birth of my daughter in Australia.

This video was significant because it helped me to connect to the part of the deployment (five?months) when I wasn’t there. One of my best friends - my partner from our previous Afghanistan deployment - died on that operation while I wasn’t there. His name is Jared (Crash) McKinney. Jared and I had been deployed together in 2008 to Afghanistan, however this time we were deployed in separate areas. There were parts of that story I didn’t know and hadn’t seen. I got to make sense of a lot of what happened. Shortly after leaving Afghanistan, one of the engineers I was working with 'Snowy'?got struck by an Improvised Explosive Device (IED) along with 'Brownie', a dog handler. The section I had been a part of was tasked with recovering them. There was a massive period of time that I felt like I had let down a whole group of people?because I wasn’t there. I served for ten years and my discharge took the last three years, they didn’t let me back to Afghanistan. My discharge wasn’t handled well, I?was very hurt.

The difference that seeing this video made to me was helping me to reconnect with my service and my brothers - my best mate and partner - those who returned home and those who sadly didn’t. Once again, I experienced the feelings of pride and?privilege to have served alongside them. Through this sense of pride, I reconnected to the values of discipline, hard work and integrity - qualities that all soldiers and decent humans need in life.

The only way to honour those who didn’t make it?is to live a life full of these shared values and to make the most of life.

As I sat in the café,?waiting to meet another Veteran I was about to do some work with, I noticed for the first time, a large photo of Crash and myself, sitting on the bonnet of a Bush Master in Afghanistan. I realised how much a part of everything I was and?how far I’d come. I really liked that it wasn’t a formal exhibit. It suited my business meeting in the café.

If I could write a plaque I would write 'Brothers by Choice'.?This is the informal acknowledgement of who we are. Many of us have it tattooed on our body or on jewellery?bracelets. There are even a couple of cafés called Brother."

So, what’s the point of this article?

What I wanted to highlight, is that when we let others tell our stories, regardless of what their intentions are, we will always be misrepresented. We, as veterans need to be our own voice, tell our own stories and stand up for our own rights because no one else has the language, experience or right to do it on our behalf. This is tone of the main underlying principles of Peer work and just like our Brothers & Sisters from the Vietnam era, if no one is listening we’ll just speak a little louder…

~ Gresh