Tell Your Mentors How Much They Mean to You

I lost a close friend a few weeks ago. After a two and a half year battle with brain cancer, he passed away. I felt compelled?to share this story because Matt Ross wasn’t just a friend, he was the best boss and mentor I’ve had in a 30+ year career.?

Too many of us never fully appreciate the impact that mentors have in our lives, let alone take the opportunity to tell them what they mean to us. I encourage you to take a break in your busy day to think about (and call) the mentors who have transformed your career - and perhaps your life.?

HR Morning and Skynova research report ? of professionals say there’s a high level of toxicity in their workplace, with another ? reporting moderate toxicity. SHRM’s 2021 WorkPlace Culture Report shows that 53% of people have left a job due to culture.?

At 53, I’ve had many personal experiences with the kinds of toxic work cultures that drag teams down; cultures based on egos, politics, poor communication, gossip and drama. As a young CFO, I worked for a company that had five CEOs in five years (talk about stress). I’ve worked for the so-called “leaders'' who are bullies and can make one feel less-than; the kind of “I’m right, you’re wrong” executives that operate on shaming and blaming. And I’ve worked in cultures that stall greatness and grind it into mediocrity while burning good people out. I'm also willing to admit that I've played the games. When you're young, it can feel easier to go with the flow. Now I know that it's not.?

Statistically, you've probably had similar experiences in harsh work cultures that take a toll on the confidence, wellbeing and humanity of their people. With a few exceptions, that was my career experience prior to working for Matt Ross.

I had the good fortune of working for Matt on two different occasions in my 30s. In both cases, we were at global ad agencies serving Fortune 10 brands. Both companies involved high stakes, high stress and high performance environments (public companies serving public companies). In the first agency, I was lucky enough to join an existing healthy ecosystem; one that Matt helped create. In the second, I joined his team in creating a new culture during a stressful turnaround period at another global agency. Both ended well and I’m grateful to those companies for investing in leaders like Matt.?

I could fill a book with all that I learned from Matt Ross over the past 16 years. In the interest of time, I’m sharing a handful of lessons through the lens of the five aspects of emotional intelligence, made famous by Dan Goleman - and personified in my mentor:

Self Awareness: As the global head of key client accounts worth hundreds of millions in annual revenue (and billions in market cap), Matt was generally the most important person on the most important accounts in the world’s largest ad agencies. Instead of wearing that title and authority, Matt made everyone else feel important.?

At the time, I was a global COO. Matt moved my self-defined and self-limiting career focus from “hit the numbers'' and “fix what’s broken” to “Joe, we need you to be a creative and vocal leader to drive innovation.” He transformed how I thought about my role based on my personal passions for creativity, technology and innovation. He encouraged the “finance guy” to embrace leadership as a multidisciplinary opportunity to grow myself for the benefit of others - and I saw him do the same (remove self-limiting beliefs) with dozens of people over the years.

LESSON 1: Matt took the time to know us, what made us tick, and then helped to unlock our potential. He did it with intention. Moreover, he transferred the greatness and accolades that he earned and so richly deserved to the people on his team. He made us all feel great, important and celebrated - and he transformed our confidence and our careers in the process.?

Self Regulation: According to Gallup’s Global Emotions Report , “the world is a sadder, angrier, more worried and more stressed-out place than it has been at any time in the past 15 years.” How many leaders and colleagues do you know who are cracking under the pressure right now? How many are stressed, angry, burned out and can’t regulate their own thoughts, emotions and actions??What kind of work environments do they create?

LESSON 2: Under Matt’s leadership, our team worked through multiple make-or-break turn around situations at global scale. In some of the most stressful challenges in my career, Matt was always the calm in the storm. He used the power of real relationships, commitment, and understanding the long game to get us through. No matter what was going on, he was the voice of reason and partnership. He was the trusted friend and advisor to Fortune 10 CEOs and CMOs - and he raised his team’s confidence by sharing his strategic focus, calm demeanor and unwavering belief; a belief in us as individuals and as a team.

Motivation: The global ad agency business is notorious (and often mocked SNL fashion) for its big and sometimes fragile egos. To paint a cliched picture, the creatives want everyone to know where the genius comes from. The account leaders want everyone to know who owns the revenue and relationships. Production wants everyone to know they cover the creatives’ and account leaders’ butts when they overpromise (which is always). The brand, PR, direct marketing, digital, social and other siloed disciplines all want and deserve a MUCH bigger part of the global budget. Just because. And the finance folks want to be recognized for making the numbers, staffing and bottom line work around the chaos. Deep. Breath. I say this with some awareness that I was one of those big and fragile egos.?Matt was not.

LESSON 3: As our leader, Matt wanted everyone to learn, grow, collaborate and respect one another. In 16 years of knowing Matt, there were no harsh words, no politics, and no threats. There was patience, coaching, kindness and mentorship. He created an environment where we all worked as a team. Each person was heard. Healthy friction was welcome, but sharp elbows were not tolerated. He drew us into a common vision, purpose and mission with the expectation that we show up as our best selves.?

Under Matt’s leadership, we believed in each other. We focused on serving our clients, not ourselves or corporate egos. And we did it in the face of complex public companies (clients and parent companies) where competing divisions / products / priorities were often dealing with their own dysfunction, unhealthy masculinity, and ninja level politics. In the face of constant change, Matt created an environment where high expectations were balanced with taking risks, high trust and psychological safety.?

Empathy: As Goleman defines it, empathy is the ability to understand others’ feelings and perspectives, while maintaining your own. Compassion goes one step further than empathy to add the desire to actually help the other person.?

When I first met Matt, I was transferring from one division of WPP to another. I was asked to provide two months notice before the move to my new role. The week I was meant to join Matt’s team, I herniated two discs in my back. I was out of commission for another two months. The global agency had other in-house candidates that could have filled my role. It was Matt’s call. He made a commitment to me and told me that he’d wait for me to heal. “Take care of yourself. A few months won’t matter in the long run,” he said.?

LESSON 4: Matt showed how much he cared. During the two months I was recovering, Matt checked in every week. He’d just call to ask how I was doing and to give me encouragement in my recovery. He never asked about how quickly I could get back to work, or if I could pitch in on what I would later learn were very pressing business issues.

This was a new boss filling a critical role, at a pressing time of change, and I wasn’t fit for duty. In short, he treated me like, wait for it… a human being. In doing so, he won my loyalty, trust and admiration before we ever started working together.?

Social Skills: No matter what level and title we reach as leaders, it does not guarantee the ability to lead, inspire and motivate others. Too many “leaders'' still rely on the outdated pyramid and org chart to demand respect and loyalty. Too many still use the “do as I say, not as I do” management style. According to Edelman’s Annual Trust Barometer , it’s contributed to a crisis where the credibility of CEOs is at an all time low.?

LESSON 5: Matt’s secret recipe was that he treated everyone as a peer. He started with friendship. He sincerely wanted us all to succeed. He modeled the behavior that our management team was looking for (kindness, intellectual curiosity, transparency and trust) - and he set a very high bar for expectations.

Under Matt, we transformed into a connected group of friends who felt like we could do anything. We maneuvered client crisis after crisis with a hit rate approaching 90%, all while growing 350% in three years - unheard of in global agency business. Even then, we knew we were in the presence of greatness.

I think of the long list of people that worked together under Matt. It wasn’t just mutual respect and collaboration - it was camaraderie, appreciation and love. Yes, the L word in a work setting. Imagine. Lou, Guenther, Sally, Chris, Andy, Nils, John, Carolyn, Rob, Britt, Solange, Deva, Devon, and the list goes on from Ogilvy to McCann and then (I"m sure) to Bloom Energy. Colleagues who learned to work together and love one another because of the culture created by an authentic leader and mentor. At the time, I could not imagine a bigger failure than letting our team down.

It’s been thirteen years since I last worked for Matt. As is often the case, what may look like success after success on the surface has been a bumpy ride. I failed in my first business. Sarah and I had two sons. I lost three siblings to drugs, suicide and cancer. I struggled to redefine myself as an entrepreneur. My family moved four times chasing startup dreams. I consulted with some 30 startups, with a success / exit rate of about 1 in 10. And I spent the past 7+ years creating Whil before selling the company in January of this year. It’s been the most difficult, challenging and rewarding part of my career.?

Over that time, Matt moved on to become the CMO of Bloom Energy, an amazing company doing groundbreaking work in green energy. To say we both had busy lives would be an understatement. Nonetheless, Matt continued to be my mentor, a constant source of inspiration and close friend. We had countless calls during his 90 minute commutes to Bloom, hikes in the redwoods of Mill Valley, CA and family get-togethers. We saw our kids grow, our wives became friends - and he was always there for me.?

Matt Ross was the mentor that encouraged me to pursue my creative interests. He was the friend that inspired me to never give up as an entrepreneur. And he was my hero - reminding me (and countless others) that I had more fight and courage and resilience inside of me than I ever thought possible. After my wife, Matt was the next person I called when I sold my company. “We did it,” I said. “I’m so happy for you and your family. I never had any doubt,” Matt replied. I deeply know this to be true.?

Over the years, I would often tell Matt what he meant to me and so many others (“Matt, you literally made our careers.”). He’d turn the credit back to us - “No, you all made my career. All I did was help the talent that was already there.”

Matt was given 12 to 18 months after his cancer diagnosis. He made it 2.5 years, always the overachiever. During that time, he was the same man I came to know and love. Patient, kind, upbeat and focused on taking care of his wife, Tracy, and son, Sam.?

I got to see him a few days before he passed away. He was clearly nearing the end. He woke up from his hospital bed to greet me with his usual upbeat “Hey Joe!” and then immediately drifted back to sleep. I sat quietly and just thanked him for being the best mentor I ever had - and one of the best friends I could ever hope for. It’s rare to get to meet one of your heroes. I got to work for mine. Twice.?

Are you lucky enough to have a mentor like Matt Ross in your life? If so, today is a great day to tell them how much they mean to you.

Rest in peace, Matt. You made our careers, my friend. May we always strive to live up to your example. I love you, brother.