To Tell You The Truth: Faking it has *nothing* to do with executive presence

High-achieving women,

You may have encountered the idea that executive presence relies on your ability to “fake it till you make it.”

I hear people talking about faking it till you make it all. the. time. Not only is it a common idiom, it’s a common belief: if you are doing something new, you should pretend to be proficient and capable and confident until you get used to it. And then, voilà, you’ve made it!

I’m not discounting that sometimes, it’s a helpful mantra. But, I do want to push back on the belief that it has anything to do with executive presence and leadership skills.

To be honest, it makes me cringe when people assume that executive presence skills require you to fake ANYTHING. I would never want anyone to fake something—not their personality, not their leadership style, not their communication skills…the list goes on.

Because executive presence asks you to present yourself in ways that might not feel entirely comfortable…lots of people equate that with “faking” it.

But to tell you the truth…this is falsely equating “discomfort” with “inauthenticity.”

Are some executive presence skills a little uncomfortable at first? Sure, they can be.

Skills like:

• Learning how to stop people from interrupting you (Interruption Armor)
• Giving feedback to a team member when you normally wouldn’t
• Dressing for the workplace in a way that’s more put-together

But when you do these things, you are not being inauthentic.

I like to call it “trying something on.”

As in… let’s try on this skill. Let’s practice it and see how it feels. Let’s access this part of your persona that you usually don’t show at work and get comfortable with it.

As you’re trying on a skill, you do want to feel an inkling of authenticity. A feeling like, “Ok, this isn’t a skill I have right now…but it’s not something I could never see myself doing.”

If a skill does feel completely inauthentic, that’s not executive presence. Executive presence is all about flexing your leadership skills, not forcing yourself to be someone you’re not.

Take Interruption Armor as an example. Interruption Armor goes like this: when someone tries to interrupt you, you drop a phrase that allows you to keep the mic. Like: “Excuse me, I’m speaking.” Or “Please let me finish.” Or “I’ll be done in one moment and then can take comments and questions.”

Using Interruption Armor is hard for a LOT of people at first. It causes discomfort because women in particular aren’t used to asserting themselves in this way.

But here’s the trick: You have to pick a phrase to use that feels authentic to you. If you don’t pick a phrase that feels right, you won’t use it. But if you pick something that can roll off your tongue in an instant, then…BOOM. You’re not faking a thing.

Executive presence is hard at first, but then it makes everything else easier. If you want to call that “fake it till you make it,” that’s okay with me. I know it’s a well-intentioned phrase, and maybe it works for some people.

But just know…I’ll never ask you to fake a thing.