Will they tell you their story?

I once had a mentor/coach who told me he thought I talked too much to the wrong people at networking events.

"If you're going to get the very most out of a network breakfast or mixer, get your 30-second elevator speech memorized, ask five key questions of each person you interview, and do not spend more than a minute ascertaining whether that person is a potential customer. If they do not pass the test, he told me, I should move on. Otherwise, I would be wasting valuable time."

I tried it. I fired off my five key questions! I got my answers. I thanked that person and moved on to the next, and in short order, I discovered that almost everyone in the entire room of 100+ people were not who I was looking for, by my mentor's standard.

That was the first and last day I followed that system.

It was also the day I decided I would one day teach people how to 'Slow down your process in order to speed up your progress', which is what I have been teaching ever since.*

You have a story and that story is filled with details you keep behind your eyes, which is where you will rarely go to share with anyone else, unless you trust that person you are talking with. Trust is precious. And it must be earned.

The more interesting facet to all this comes when you understand and can appreciate that the person you meet who is standing there before you brings with her perhaps thousands of singularly significant events; things they were told (quite often by well-meaning but totally lame parents, friends, relatives, clergy, bosses, reports and so on) and there they are, staring back at you, wondering the same thing: What is this person's story?

If your approach is one of loving curiosity, they might share with you more of who they are, and if they do, you should always honor that with respect. The better we get to know each other the better the chances that we can be of service to them, like introducing them to someone we know that they would like to meet.

Just because you shook their hand, handed them your business card and promised to call them in a few weeks to follow up doesn't cut it. If you need convincing, ask yourself how many dates you went on before you felt you actually knew the person and could trust them with basic information about you. With few exceptions, it required many conversations in many different conditions and circumstances before you felt you would be safe in sharing your personal information.

When you approach networking with a wonderful sense of curiosity and willingness to give it time to marinate the information you receive about that person, magical benefit can be possible for both of you.

Just look behind the eyes.

Dave Ribble StandOut Mastery

*Taken from my book, The Way of The Conscientious Connector by Dave Ribble (Amazon)