Tell Me Why I'm Wrong: Resolving Disagreements with Your Direct Reports
Respect for the feelings, wishes, rights, and traditions of others is something we owe to every human being; it is not something that needs to be “earned.”
The kind of respect that is the birthright of every human being is crucial to a healthy culture. We don’t have to respect a person’s opinion on a particular topic—we can disagree, vehemently.
We don’t have to respect a particular action a person took—we can still disapprove and hold them accountable.?
But we do have to respect that person as a human being if we want to be able to work together productively while also leaving space to disagree and hold each other accountable when necessary.?
But what happens when a direct report consistently disagrees with your feedback? This can be a challenging situation, especially for new managers. Giving and receiving feedback is crucial for team growth and success.
Here are seven ways to respectfully challenge directly when you and your direct report don't see eye to eye.
1. Invite them to persuade you
When faced with disagreement, invite your direct report to convince you why their approach is better. Use phrases like, "Tell me why I'm wrong." This acknowledges that you're open to changing your mind while still maintaining your position.
2. Listen and be open to being wrong
Make a genuine effort to understand their perspective. Look for instances where their approach may actually be better than yours, even if only slightly. This demonstrates that you truly value their input.
3. Provide context and data
If you have guidelines or past experiences that inform your feedback, share these with your direct report. This helps them understand that your perspective isn't purely subjective.
4. Run experiments
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Propose trying out your suggestion as an experiment for a limited time. This low-stakes approach allows both parties to gather data and make an informed decision.
5. Address underlying issues
If you sense a pattern of resistance to your feedback, there may be deeper issues at play. Perhaps the direct report feels disrespected or undervalued. Have an open conversation about how you can work together more effectively.
6. Maintain quality standards
While being open to input, remember that part of your role as a manager is to uphold quality standards. Be clear about where the quality bar is set and why it matters.
Follow the "Listen, Challenge, Commit" model
7. Solicit feedback on your feedback
Ask your direct report if there's something you could do differently in how you deliver feedback. This shows you're committed to improving your management style.
Remember, the goal is to find a way to work together effectively, not to always be right. By fostering open communication and demonstrating respect for your direct report's ideas, you can build a stronger working relationship and ultimately produce better results.
Even in cases of strong disagreement, it's crucial to maintain professionalism and address any disrespectful behavior promptly. By tackling these issues head-on, you can prevent the deterioration of the working relationship and create a more positive, productive environment for everyone involved.
Radical Respect is a weekly newsletter I am publishing on LinkedIn to highlight?some of the things that get in the way of creating a collaborative, respectful working environment. A healthy organization is not merely an absence of unpleasant symptoms. Creating a just working environment is about eliminating bad behavior and reinforcing collaborative, respectful behavior. Each week I'll offer tips on how to do that so you can create a workplace where everyone feels supported and respected. Learn more in my new book Radical Respect , available wherever books are sold! You can also follow Radical Candor? and the Radical Candor Podcast more tips about building better relationships at work.
Growth can happen in the most surprising of places. Seeing people develop and grow is what I thrive on, because when you grow, we all grow.
4 个月This is a really helpful reflection Kim. As I regularly discuss our approach to feedback within our organisation, its not uncommon for leaders to question 'what happens when they don't agree'. Although disagreements don't happen very often, it's surprising how the thought of that happening can hold leaders back from providing it in the first place.
Chief Executive Officer at Along The Way, Inc
4 个月Shania Kelly, MSW, LSW Sara Sanders Candice Sierzega
Park Operations
4 个月Thanks for sharing
AR Collections Manager
4 个月Absolutely ?? communication is absolutely the key to success !
Executive Coach | Professional Development Champion | Strategic Thought Partner
4 个月Great advice for a potentially uncomfortable situation.