Tell It Like It Is

“Yea just got this way bout you that pisses people off.” My Dad says from his chair.?

He’s got his shirt off and a cigarette hanging from his mouth. My mother is on his right penciling a word search puzzle.?

I’m 25 or 26 and I had just got back from the Press club banquet where I was awarded a plaque and carelessly dropped it on their sofa.

My Dad picked it up and made a whispered grunt.?

“You got something at least.” my Mother chirped. My Dad shook his head.?

“Yea, a participation plaque. What am I ten?” I retort.?

“What did you do?” My Father asks flatly. He knows my answer but sits silently waiting for my reply.?

“I told them it was junk. I wrote over half of those pieces, not including my editorial, and got a congratulatory plaque. It’s bullshit is what I said.”

“And that is why people don’t like you.” He replied. “You couldn’t have just taken the damn thing and said thank you?”

“That’s not the point.”?

In my defense, nothing I would have said would have made a difference. My ole man always faulted each of his sons no matter the circumstances.?

We were always the ones in the wrong. There could have been an act of nature two states over and my Pops would find a way for my brother or I to be responsible.??

Sure he was right in this instance, but come on now throw me a bone. I worked hard, but in my Dad’s eyes, I didn’t work hard enough if all I got was a “thanks for being here” award.?

He handed my mother the plaque and told me to get lost because the news was on.?

She smiled in her doting way and handed it back to me. She suggested I hang it up back at my apartment.?

It found its home in a box in my roommate's closet. Eventually in the trash.?

And in classic Judy fashion, she told me that she had a stack of cards on the table she wanted me to write since I have such a beautiful way with words.

The funny thing is, my Mom didn’t disagree with my Dad. She just changed the conversation.??

That’s not the only instance someone I love has told me that I tend to be a bit too much.?

A friend of mine told me in no uncertain terms that I was just too hot to handle sometimes. I just didn’t know when to stop or shut up.?

That I couldn’t just leave well enough alone. Not that I needed to get the last word in, but that I had to take every slight and blow it up like a nuclear bomb.?

“Sometimes I just don’t like telling you stuff.”?

Another time, a different friend said to me that I have this uncanny way of insulting and chastising people with such subtlety that they can’t help but agree.?

And not because it warranted a reaction, but because chances were good they were scared of the next thing that would come out of my mouth.?

“Which is why Jason, you could never go into politics or become a counselor. Rubbing people's noses in shit is not the therapy or truth they need.”?

I would be a liar if I said that this didn’t bother me. For the longest time, I thought that maybe I was too much.?

I mean if my closest friends and family said it, there has to be a truth to it.?

Right?

This one time I was over at my sister’s house. Her husband's family was over and we had gotten on the subject of race relations in the USA.?

More of a long-winded history lesson on what we all thought or experienced.?

None of the topics we discussed would be considered controversial by any means, but leave it to me to push the envelope right off the table and into the mailbox across the street.?

My sister’s husband turns to me, and matter of factly says; “Jason! Stop!”?

I can’t help it. My brain turns into this vast expanse of verbal artillery that is ready to aim and fire.

A tsunami of diarrhea with the intent of drowning everyone in shit.?

As the years passed, I became more self-conscious of my mouth and the trouble it could get me in. Yea, I did feel anxious about speaking about certain things.?

I was scared I would say the wrong thing.?

It only got worse with age. I did, however, come to realize that not everything that needed to be said should be spoken. All of the time.?

I would just have to be more tactful. A little less blunt.?

What I can’t do is make myself small so that I can make other people more comfortable.?

That is just not me.

This last new year I was invited to a friend's party. He asked, no he pleaded with me, to just keep my mouth shut. I asked him what was the point of me coming if I had to stay silent.???

To clear up any misconceptions I may have already insinuated, I am not running my mouth at every turn. I am not calling people idiots.?

I can have a normal conversation.?

If the people I am conversing with are normal. And not idiots. I will not placate people, let alone gingerly respond if what I hear is complete and utter buffoonery.?

The party went rather well until someone said that they moved into their new neighborhood because they wanted to experience diversity.?

I scoffed and asked them if they thought they were participating in a social experiment. I mean really, who says shit like that.?

“I moved to experience diversity.”?

“You’re a head case is what you are.” I replied. “The average median income in that neighborhood is 38,000 dollars a year. Did you want to try poverty on for a size?”

My friend, ever the diplomat, interrupted the conversation suggesting we all have shots to celebrate the new year.?

“I’m going to go find the dog.?

Hopefully, he can explain to me the finer points of licking one's own ass.” I replied sarcastically and went into the other room.?

This person tried to sell downsizing by disguising it as an experience to mingle with poor people because the truth was their financial illiteracy forced them to live in an area they would otherwise not.?

Sell your nonsense somewhere else. I have a huge inventory of crazy locked and stocked right here. ?

The night turned out rather well I think.?

It’s like this. I have come to understand that pleasantries are not always the best course of action when talking to someone.

Let alone glossing over things to make us all feel better.??

The intent isn’t to hurt or maim but to clear up any misconceptions. The baseline for truth is always up for interpretation now that we all have access to the internet.?

A one-and-done mode of thinking need not apply.?

And if the off chance you or I have to make some waves, then I believe we would all be the better for it.?

To clarify, I am not mean or crotchity. Just don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining.?

The hardest lesson I had to learn in life was accepting a truth that made me uncomfortable.?

So my ole man was right. I have this way of pissing people off.?

I’ll never fault anyone for telling me like it is, but I will be all the more volatile in verbs if you are not being straight up.??

And as the old saying goes, if you have nothing but the truth to say, come sit by me.?

Let’s piss people off together.?

Just don’t pat me on the ass and tell me I’m a good boy. Sell that shit to someone else.