Telescopes, the Cosmos and Anxiety spirals

What do telescopes and anxiety spirals have in common?

First let's think about telescopes...

This relatively small piece of kit can be securely attached to the floor with the lens pointing at the skies and you can literally look back in time through the stars.

They can make objects millions of miles away become accessible and even easy to see. As there is still somewhat of an amateur astronomer in me, I dream one day of going to observe the cosmos through the huge telescope in Hawaii (if anyone has a spare ticket?!)

But a telescope has a very specific function.

If when you're trying to cut the grass in your back garden, I come along and hand you a telescope, you would be less than impressed.

The telescope can be an incredible piece of kit, but only when it's used correctly.

Little do many people know language is the same way.

More specifically, questions function in the same way.

Questions can either lead you on a journey of discovery and help you transform the way you see yourself and the world...

Or they can trap you in spirals of anxiety and slowly cause your confidence to ebb away and be totally useless in the quest for better mental health.

The question in focus for today is the question 'WHY?'

Searching for and finding the 'why' of things has been a key tenet of many gurus in the personal development space for decades.

It's also highlighted as one of the key questions every business owner should ask themselves - and remind themselves of - on a regular basis.

But what most people don't tell you is that if you use the 'why' question poorly, it causes a world of unwanted emotional turmoil.

Let me explain...

If you ask a 'why' question in a curious, open-minded, exploratory way when in a positive frame of mind, you'll likely receive new insights and reflections that help you grow and accelerate your journey toward your goals.

BUT...

If when you're feeling anxious, in a negative state of mind, overwhelmed, embarrassed or even ashamed, why questions cause you to spiral down deeper into despair.

Here's why...

We've talked about your Visuo-spatial Sketchpad many times, which is the jargony name for the part of your mind that stores all your mental movies and pictures.

When you ask a why question when in a negative state, questions like...

"Why am I feeling so anxious today?"

"Why can't I move on from this?"

"Why me? Why am I going through this?"

And any number of similar alternatives...

Your mind has to search through all the databases of your memories and find ALL the POSSIBLE reasons that could answer the question.

Your sketchpad then gets overwhelmed with negative images from the past which then drives even more anxiety.

Because none of those possible answers can actually give you a concrete answer to work with, you can't take action on any of them so they cause you spin even faster.

As a result you open up what's called a mental loop, and so your mind keeps working to try and close the loop. But this requires you to dig through even more reasons why you might not be good enough or smart enough of whatever options come up for you.

After you're unable to find the answer to your why question, it usually gets followed up by another why question..

"Why can't I figure this out?"

"Why won't this feeling go away?"

"Why am I thinking these irrational thoughts"

And so the why spiral continues and deepens.

If you've been praticing this for some time, it becomes an almost automatic thinking pattern.

What can we do?

I invite you over the next 30 days to ELIMINATE any why questions from your vocabulary.

Just for 30 days.

Any time you catch yourself asking a why question, replace it with a how or what question (solution seeking questions)

For example:

Instead of 'Why am I feeling anxious today?", shift it toward "How can I feel calmer now?

Instead of 'Why am I thinking these irrational thoughts?". shift it to "What can I do to refocus my thoughts?"

Just like a telescope, a why question can be incredibly valuable. But if it's deployed in a poor environment (a negative state), not only does it not help, it actually makes things worse... Much like when I tried to cut my grass with my telescope!

Give it a go and I promise in 30 days you'll notice a huge difference in how you think and feel.

Until next time,

Danny