TEL #005: Breaking Free from People Pleasing

Read Time: 3 mins?

People pleasing

We all struggle with it from one degree to another

We feel great when someone likes us?and

can feel deflated when someone actively dislikes us

Often what separates those who are leaders in the everyday and those who go with the flow?as followers.

Leaders are people who can overcome the riptide current of people-pleasing in their daily lives.

Here are 4 ways to take action to begin breaking free from people-pleasing in your life

1. Intentionally disagree with someone and vocalize your difference in opinion

Disagreement doesn't have to be mean or?

Disagreement is actually a way to differentiate ourselves from others

Often we equate disagreement = dislike

In reality, people respect individuals who have convictions, can stand their ground, and are not swayed by the opinions of others

For myself, I would hear things I disagreed with and typically find ways to convince myself that I had more common ground than I really did.

Important to note, you don't have to be vocal about every little disagreement you have

And you don't have to be dogmatic and debate someone at every turn.

However, to begin breaking free from people pleasing,

Find one way to share your opinion from someone in a conversation today and share that you disagree and why you see it differently.

2. Sometimes, speak first in sharing your opinions and beliefs?

I know this can go counter-intuitive to introverts or people who like to listen.

However, it's easy to guise listening for people pleasing when listening turns into "fact finding" to tailor answers based on their answer.

I learned that in group discussions or when asked a question about something I believed in.?

When I went first, I was "flying blind" and had to share what I believed and thought rather than diminishing or shifting my thoughts on what the previous person thought

It doesn't have to be every discussion, but switch it up, go first and then listen well to other people's answers.

3. Focus on setting the tone vs. reflecting the tone by setting "Who" goals

The typical image associated with this is "be a thermostat, not a thermometer."

I.e., a thermostat sets the temperature, whereas a thermometer merely reflects the temperature present

Easier said than done when you've trained yourself to adapt and mold to the people you are present with.

We do this to get them to like us and not "rock the boat."

To shift, start setting "Who goals" as you step into social settings

Go in a plan of who you want to show up as?

It could look like, "I want to be someone who is inclusive and start conversations with 2 new people who are alone and by themselves tonight."

So when you go to a party and start to gravitate toward your friends, the "Who Goal" sets a different course where you are committed to talking to new people.?

You start to operate based on your values vs. the values of others

4. Carve out time for solitude and silence once a week

In our busy, hectic lives, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and constantly surrounded by people 24/7.

We start to feel like we "lose" ourselves in the lives other others and don't feel separate.

We need times when we can pull away, spend time in solitude, to reflect on what is most important, create calm, create differentiation, and come back into relationships with others refreshed and less prone to giving into people pleasing

A simple challenge would be to create just 1 hour of silence and solitude (i.e., away from people and away from the noise) and reflect on the following questions:

-15 mins sit in silence and do nothing, simply be

-Journal: What is the state of my well-being? How am I doing? (physically, mentally, emotionally, relationally, spiritually) (2 min for each category)

-Journal: Who am I becoming in this season? (present) (5 min)

-Journal: Who do I want to become? (future) (5 min)

-Journal: What am I thankful for this week? (5 min)

-15 mins sit in silence and do nothing, simply be

That's a simple guide; feel free to create your own way to spend the 1 hour in solitude.

Hopefully, these suggestions are helpful to you as you start to make small steps towards breaking the people pleaser and becoming the leader you were created to be.

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