Teenage: Battle of the fears!!

Teenage: Battle of the Fears

Who are teenagers and what do we do with them?

I would say “A group of highly misunderstood people as long as they are not YOURS!!”

Parents often wonder what happened to that sweet little baby of theirs, and so quickly dismiss those harrowing sleepless nights as possibly the best days of being a parent.

The effort then was more physical, the effort now is more mental and emotional. That is the only difference; the effort required per se has just moved spaces within your own body as a Parent.

Teenage if you remember, is actually a strange stage when you begin to realise that you don’t belong in the little people world anymore and the big people world will not give you complete entry just yet.

Parents of teenagers are a set of people who are constantly battling the boundaries between being a friend and being In- charge. They are often reminiscing the risks they took as teenagers and are in complete denial, often telling themselves that “their little babies are not there yet”

A spiritual master said that a teenager’s role is “to expand”. As parents we unintentionally want to contain that expansion, because foremost in our mind we fear for their ‘safety’ and lurking in the background is the fear of ‘their failure at creating a good life for themselves.’

The fear of a teenager however is quite different; at the base, the fear of this young person is ‘not being accepted in the world they see as important.’

The conflict then truly lies between these fears. Battle of the fears it is!!

The solution therein lies in the ability of both parties to work through their fears respectively and be authentic enough to communicate these when in a war zone.

Parents feel and are seen as the more powerful of the two parties for various reasons, most importantly the dependence these young ones feel on them for their basics and exxxxxtras!! But as Spider Man was told “with power comes great responsibility” 

A reminder to self and other Parents housing teenage souls is that it is our responsibilty:

v To give them unlimited hugs and kisses!! (HACK- a great time to steal these are when they are asleep or sleepy enough not to react badly)

v To say “SORRY” when we let our fears overtake us and say things that are unfair and hurtful.

v To communicate honestly without any hidden agendas

v To be playful and goofy (like you are on your college/school reunions) so that we can bridge the ever-increasing gaps (let them see the child inside you)

v To share our world with them, the failures at work/home, the crisis, the decision making, the bad relationship (let them start walking the bridge to the other side)

v To seek their opinions and give it a fair listening.

v To lose a battle or two!! Show them how being kind is more important than being right.

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY…….To always remember the Prophet who said

“And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you!!"

Easier said than done dear Prophet, and yet that’s what a teenage parent must prepare to do.

And in the end we all know, This too shall pass!! (just like those sleepless nights)

Sanah Singh Tomar 23/02/18