The Teachings of Fear

What you fear the most is what you should be doing

It seems paradoxical. And yet, it's often our greatest fears that hold the keys to our most profound personal growth. The impact these unknowns can have on our lives is huge, not only in preventing us from doing certain things but also in challenging us to overcome and grow.?

Our fears, our insecurities, our nagging questions – they present a mirror to the work we must do on ourselves. These emotions are a gateway to challenge our limiting beliefs, dismantle unhelpful narratives, and break the chains of excuses we use to maintain a comfortable yet stagnant status quo.?

This realization has been my most profound learning throughout this year. Allow me to share with you what I've discovered along the way…

In truth, two big fears in my life fueled each other: financial insecurity and losing control over my existence. These two fears feed off one another in the weirdest ways. I developed these fears during my upbringing by observing and living in the family business. I witnessed the effort, the dedication, and, equally, the financial stress that comes with it. I followed its influence, for better or worse, on our family dynamics and how it ultimately shaped a somewhat unhealthy relationship with money for me.?

This led me, since I was young, to promise myself that I would never own a business. The allure of a secure job with a secure paycheck seemed far more comfortable. Yet, there was another layer to my thoughts that continuously nagged at me. I've always found authority to be an oppressive force and have issues with rigidity and rules. I have a certain discomfort when told what to do, a feeling that only gets worse when the orders come from people I disregard or do not respect.

Employment did indeed bring financial stability, yet it also came with a lot of compromises. I wasn't merely trading my time for money. I was giving up control over significant parts of my life and decision-making. It felt like a bittersweet compromise. I was secure, yes, but at what cost? For fifteen years, I was convinced that the alternative was too risky. The thought of having my own thing was exciting, but I was quick to drop it due to my fears.

The possibility of finding myself without money or facing financial difficulties was terrifying. Such was the intensity of my fears that didn't seem a viable option to have my own business. Until one day, it didn't.

I learned that what I was always afraid to do was the thing I should be doing because only then would I face my fears and grow as a person and professional. And this is what changed for me.

1. Reframed my relationship with money

Navigating the troubling waters of self-employment has taught me a lot about money and income. I realized that I had sacrificed countless opportunities and experiences at the altar of an illusory sense of security, an illusion repeatedly proved wrong and inaccurate.

This realization opened my eyes, enabling me to tackle deep-seated misconceptions about money. I looked at these beliefs in this regard, attacked the origins, and challenged their hold on my thoughts and actions. The experience was transformative, not just professionally but also on a personal level.?

As it turns out, my weird relationship with money was but a mask for deeper issues, ingrained beliefs that had silently scripted the narrative of my life for far too long.

2. I trust my gut more

Building and having your own business is a nerve-wracking process. It's like a labyrinth with infinite twists, turns, and hidden challenges. The sheer amount of decisions, each with its far-reaching implications, can be overwhelming.?

To control the chaos of uncertainty, I initially intellectualized every decision, rejecting my instinct and intuition. But that's insane because we can't rationalize and intellectualize everything. And a lot of our decision process actually happened in the guts - literally. The turning point came when I started trusting my intuition. Was it the burnout from constant over-analysis? Or was it a deliberate act of faith because nothing was certain? It was a bit of both.?

The majority of my instinct-driven decisions proved to be right. Sure, some didn't, but those are part of the package. These slight misjudgments did not shake my faith in intuition. Instead, they cemented it. The lesson was clear: I had learned to believe in my instincts and, consequently, myself.?

Do you see the pattern? Fear often is the backdrop of our most significant opportunities for personal growth.?

3. Normalised parts of life I dreaded and couldn't deal with

German has the word "briefkasseangst". It literally means "postbox fear". For me, it extended beyond having a fear of opening my mailbox but extended to anything legal, official, or institutional I had to deal with. Taxes, landlords, insurance, you name it.

As you can imagine, you can't run a business and not deal with official stuff. That was a very clear blocker I had to never run my business, a deep fear of dealing with anything official and fucking it up. Mind you, I'm someone whose electricity got cut twice for avoiding open letters and had to pay extra fees of many kinds for not being able to deal with opening the box.

The experience of running a business helped me understand that there will always be some unpleasant things we have to deal with and face. But for the most part, they are better than we imagined. Through experience, exposure, and the relentless support of my life partner, I learned how to deal with this, to make my brain understand that the worst is always in our heads, and as long as I have a system and stick to a process.?

Every obstacle I faced, every bureaucratic letter I reluctantly opened, and every intricate legal document I had to decode made me stronger. It showed me that I'm capable of more than I'd ever thought.?

Embracing fears as growth opportunities?

It took me a while to recognize that our fears are proportionally big to the rewards beyond them. They exist mainly in our heads, showing us where the work on ourselves can go. We can start to dismantle them, bit by bit, and carve a better life for ourselves.

What you are scared of is your gateway to a better version of yourself, a happier and more authentic life.

What fears are holding you back?

Find out what's on the other side of fear. Let's talk.