Teaching Kids to See the Good: Practical Tips for Building Trust and Resilience

In the holiday season, many of us reflect on the state of our families, our relationships, and the world around us. Lately, I’ve felt the weight of the world—the apathy, the distrust in the people around us—and I see how it trickles down to our kids. This sense of heaviness can lead to overprotecting our kids and fearing the worst. (While also instilling our kids a negative, anxious view of the world.) It's part of why I wanted to use the holidays to explore how we can counter this and build trust, resilience, and hope in ourselves and our children.

Why We Focus on the Negative

Our brains are wired to notice and remember negative experiences more than positive ones. This bias exists because it helps protect us – identifying threats has been crucial for survival.

But today, it often distorts reality.

For example, participants observing economic games shared negative gossip about selfish players three times more often than acts of generosity. This instinct to protect others can skew our perception of the world, leaving us thinking the worst of others. Over time, this can distort reality, making us underestimate how generous and kind people truly are.

The bright side? This pattern isn’t permanent. We can rewire our perspectives by challenging assumptions and seeking out the good.

The Ripple Effect of a Negative Lens

Social media, news, and daily conversations amplify negativity. The more we focus on the bad, the more likely we are to see the world – and the people around us - as hostile. In one study, researchers found that college students vastly underestimated how empathetic and kind their peers were, leading to fewer social connections and increased loneliness. For children, this can manifest as disengagement from school, mistrust in friendships, emotional withdrawal, and an inability to experience joy.

When those same students were shown real data highlighting the generosity of their peers, they became more socially active and built stronger connections over time.

How Negativity Develops in Kids and Teens

Kids aren’t born distrusting others. Early relationships shape their worldview. If children experience insecure attachments, exclusion, or bullying, they may begin to see the world as unsafe. Media exposure can compound this, presenting a skewed and fear-driven perspective of reality.

Social media rewards outrage and negativity, creating an environment where distrust can flourish. Over time, this shapes how kids and teens interpret the world.

Fostering Trust and Curiosity

The goal isn’t blind optimism. It’s about balancing skepticism with openness and modelling curiosity. When children experience trust, collaboration, and kindness, their belief in humanity is reinforced.

Here are practical ways to nurture this mindset:

Model Acts of Trust and Kindness. Perform small, visible acts of kindness and involve children in these interactions. Encourage them to perform simple gestures—like sharing, helping, or offering compliments—to strengthen their connections with others. When kids see trust being reciprocated, they learn the power of positive relationships. Afterward, talk about how it felt and why it mattered. These experiences shape their perception of others.

Focus on the Positive Daily. Mindfully pay attention to the positive moments you share with others, no matter how small. Point out when someone holds the door open or when a stranger offers kindness. After all, these everyday acts of kindness inspire more good will than grand, dramatic experiences.

End each day by sharing one good thing that happened or one act of kindness you noticed. This simple routine helps children develop a habit of seeking out and valuing positive experiences. And, it helps rewire their brain to notice the good.

Encourage Social Risks. Research shows that we often underestimate how positive these interactions will be. Take the leap and strike up a conversation at the grocery store or engage with someone who has different views. These small moments build bridges and reminds us that most people respond warmly to kindness and friendliness.

Reframe Media and Social Feeds. Curate your family’s social media to include uplifting stories and positive content. Balance negative news (or filter it out completely) with stories that highlight kindness, progress, and community building. Be intentional about how much time you spend consuming negative content. ?Take regular breaks from screens to reconnect in person.

Collaborate and Problem-Solve Together. Create family projects that involve teamwork—cook a meal together, build something, or plan a family outing. Collaboration fosters trust and reinforces the value of working with others.

Celebrate the Helpers. When discussing challenges in the world, highlight the people who step up to help. Point out problem-solvers, leaders, and everyday people who make a difference. This instills hope and trust in humanity.

Strengthen Attachments. Warm, responsive caregiving forms the foundation of trust. Take time to connect with children and teens through shared activities, open conversations, and expressions of affection.

A Simple Daily Tradition to Start Now

Consider starting a "Kindness Jar" tradition at home. Each day, write down or encourage kids to write about one kind act they witnessed or did themselves. At the end of the month, read the notes together. This simple exercise shifts focus towards the positives that often go unnoticed, reinforcing the idea that goodness surrounds us.

Distrust isolates, but trust builds bridges. Take small steps toward fostering hope and connection in your home this holiday season. Strike up a conversation with someone new, and encourage your children to do the same.

Let’s remind our kids—and ourselves— that there’s far more good in the world than we might think.