Teachable Moments

#PDER - Parental Digital Emotion Regulation. Yup, that’s a thing.

We can all picture ourselves in the situation - your kid is ready to throw a tantrum, so you give them a phone or tablet to play with. To calm down. Given our own lived experiences as parents, we all know there are times when this is all that one can manage. However, it may not be a shock to many that, in the long-run, phones for kids can rain down some pretty negative consequences.

Of course, Jonathan Haidt’s latest book goes into immense detail and recommends not giving your children phones till the age of 16. As well, the Surgeon General recently recommended warning labels for social media, the kind you find on cigarette packs. Can you imagine…“This social media site is crippling your ability to think for yourself!” You think this is all a joke, or overblown? Wait for it...

Research published just last week has concluded that parents who, instead of teaching their child how to self-regulate when upset, consistently opt for digital emotion regulation strategies (handing their kid a device), end up with kids who struggle with self-regulation in the long run, leading to poorer “effortful control” (which means, they’ll have poorer internal decision-making around the possible actions and responses they may take in their lives), and poorer anger management skills. The report goes on to warn pediatricians, child psychologists and other health and social welfare professionals to be on the lookout for this within the families that they care for.

As an EdTech professional, I freely admit that I often approach the world through a lens of, “What is the optimal technology that can be applied to facilitate a positive outcome in this situation?” It is all too easy to reach for the digital crutch in our purse, pocket or backpack. The harder path is to consider what’s really called for, and then to pursue that solution despite any personal trepidation, lack of time, or other perceived barriers.?

Technology is often not the best solution, especially for humanistic challenges. Child psychologists recommend various strategies to soothe a child who is emotionally dysregulated, ranging from quiet time, to calm conversation, to hugs and humming, to energetic physical movement that can release pent-up energy. Above all, what is most important is to be present for our children and allow them to feel heard and understood in that moment, and to model our own positive if imperfect strategies for self-soothing. Our parents were not trained in this, nor were we. We each just do our impeccable best.?

So the next time you feel inclined to shove a device in your child’s hands to keep them quiet, give a second thought to ask, ‘Is this a teachable moment?’, and don’t fear that you don’t have the time or the skills to help your child through what appears to them like the end of the world. You know that it is not and, with your care and consideration, they will come to learn that their world will continue onward just fine. It’s like that old adage, give a person a fish and they will eat for an evening. Teach a person to fish, and they will eat for a lifetime.

?#SEL begins at home, #EdTech, #PDER, #teach #teachablemoments