Taylor Swift was right... the problem is me

Hello friends, we are up to edition 51 and there is plenty to unpack in this instalment. I'm going to share an exert from my new book (yes, it is still going, 19,000 words in and not even close to half way yet...) I also share a cracking new podcast episode, invite you to my next masterclass and would love your help... let's go!

Assuming makes an 'Ass' out of 'U' and 'Me'

If you have never travelled to Mumbai, you should. It is an incredible place. During my MBA, we had the opportunity to travel to Mumbai and study some of the elements that made doing business in the “City of Dreams” so unique. We spoke with the incredibly resilient and passionate management team of the Taj Mahal Palace Hotel, renowned for its exceptional levels of luxury service and where just a few years earlier the terrorist organisation, Lashkar-e-Taiba, had attacked killing 31 people, many of which were employees. We visited the nearly 250 year old Bombay Stock Exchange, boasting some of the world's best trading speeds and where billions of dollars of trades are completed daily.?

Our hotel for the trip, the luxury Sahara Star, defied my wildest expectations. What appeared as a grey dome from outside revealed an inner paradise once inside. Leaving the dusty, busy streets, with its constant noise and metallic tasting air, the hotel is a tropical oasis inside. Luscious gardens spilling over terraces, the interior is full of vibrant green and smells of floral aromas mixed with delicate spices wafting from the kitchens. Hanging over the central lagoon, my room had a sunlit private balcony to relax and work.?

While I had seen some people on the streets in Mumbai from the windows of the bus we were shuffled onto, I had not really seen more than the corporate side of the city. One of my peers suggested we take a day tour to see a different side of the city. She had found a local guide who offered walking tours of Dharavi, the biggest slum in Mumbai and one of the largest slums in the world. I was equal parts excited and nervous to venture into this place. Just the word ‘slum’ conjured a host of concerning ideas.

In preparation, we went to a local shopping centre. There I bought 50 packets of short, coloured pencils. My idea was that when in Dharavi, if a child came to beg for money, I could give them the pencils instead and they could use them to colour the world around them. The next morning when our guide came to the hotel to pick us up, I felt rather clever with my large bag of coloured pencils. After we began driving, I shared with our guide my plan about giving them out. His response: “No. You can’t give out pencils.”

I was both surprised and confused. Then he continued: “Nobody in the slums will beg for anything from you. Street people beg, not slum people. People who live in Dharavi are proud people, hard working and wanting to do the best for their families, it’s just that Mumbai is so expensive, this is the only place they can afford to live. But they don’t beg,” his tone was one of defensive resolve and a touch offended. “If children come home with coloured pencils and tell their parents it came from a foreigner, the parents may think they have been begging and the child will be in trouble. No child will ask you for anything.”

I felt terrible. Here I was thinking I was being thoughtful when I was actually totally missing the mark. I was not helping, I was the arrogant foreigner who was likely to cause problems rather than solve them. Despite my own humble upbringing, I knew nothing about the people who lived in Dharavi before our guide arrived. Even after my visit, I had little more than a slight glimpse into the lives of the million people who inhabit this twisted maze of lanes and makeshift homes in the middle of Mumbai.

Instead, I had made a host of incorrect assumptions. I assumed that kids would want coloured pencils, because kids I knew liked them. I had expected people would beg, because I had seen people begging on the streets. I expected the parents of these kids would be grateful, because pencils are good. I had filled a void of knowledge and cluelessness with assumptions, which is something that is both completely natural and predictably flawed.

Many people know that making assumptions can be dangerous, so why do we continue to do it? The reason is because it is efficient. When you walk up a set of stairs, you assume that they will not collapse, how often do you test each step before you walk? When you pour coffee into a mug, you assume there are no holes, how often do you check the mug beforehand? We assume other drivers will stop at the red light as we turn across in front of them, just imagine how much worse traffic would be if everyone waited on a green light just in case? The vast majority of the time, these types of assumptions are convenient, useful and correct.?

Assumptions are beliefs or ideas accepted as true without requiring immediate empirical evidence making them easy shortcuts. They form a critical part of our cognitive toolkit, allowing us to navigate complex social and physical environments efficiently. Assumptions often fill gaps in our knowledge, helping us make decisions and respond to situations with incomplete information. This reliance on assumptions is deeply intertwined with the concept of mental models.

Mental models are internal representations individuals use to understand the world around them, predict outcomes, and guide their interactions. Mental models are constructed from past experiences, education, cultural norms, and other forms of learning. They simplify the overwhelming complexity of the real world by providing a framework through which information is filtered, interpreted, and acted upon.

However, the efficiency provided by assumptions and mental models comes with a downside. While they allow for quick decision-making and reduce cognitive load, they can also lead to types of errors, biases, and misconceptions that lead to me having a bag of coloured pencils I couldn’t give away.?

The good news is that because assumptions and mental models are simply ideas and frameworks in our heads, we can change them. Mental models can and should evolve with new information, experiences, and learning. The process of revising our mental models to accommodate new data is a crucial skill. This flexibility and learning requires self-awareness, analysis, the ability to challenge ourselves and the humility to admit we are wrong. As vital as these are, they take time and often a lot more cognitive effort than making assumptions.

The real problem is not in making assumptions or using mental models, it is in our ability to understand when they might be wrong, the awareness to stop relying on them, and to conduct more detailed conscious analysis. So, why don’t we do this more often? Why can’t we more easily control our thoughts?

Facts, Experiences & Assumptions

To help bridge this challenge I put together a short paper on the differences between facts, experiences and assumptions. While you might intellectually think this is very obvious and the distinction needs little explaining, it turns out your brain has a hard time telling the difference on its own.

To download the paper click here: Facts, Experiences & Assumptions

Also, if you are looking for other resources like this, they are here: Free Ebooks

As always, if you find them helpful and want more, reach out here.

Empathy in the ER Ward

I recently interviewed two nurses who work in a very busy Emergency Ward at a hospital and asked them about the positive and negative role that empathy plays in their fast paced world. It can be hard to feel sad about a child who you need to sedate. It can be tricky to care about someone who is aggressive and abusive. But when your job is keeping people alive, you have to work through... how, watch the episode:

Giving Hard Feedback Masterclass - 22 April 2024

The first Giving Hard Feedback Masterclass was a great success!

With more than 70 attendees, a great number of comments and questions, and a NPS score of 77, I couldn't have been happier about the way it went.

So, I've decided to do it again and tickets are already selling fast. Again, for my newsletter friends, there are 2 for 1 tickets available now. Don't miss out on 2 hours focused on your leadership!

Little help please...

As some of you may know, business has been challenging for many at the moment and sadly, we've been heavily impacted by a number of companies either delaying or pulling out of work... it is part and parcel of business, I know, but it doesn't make it easy.

So, how can you help? I'd deeply appreciate a recommendation from you. Just jump onto my LinkedIn page: https://www.dhirubhai.net/in/daniel-empathicconsulting/ and click MORE, then RECOMMEND.

Even better, send someone who is looking for an awesome speaker an email with a recommendation to my site: danielmurray.au

I really appreciate the support, reach out if I can help you.

Regards

Daniel