There's an Ashtray at the Top. Or, Janice gives the CCO Stones.
Cameron Day
![Cameron Day]()
Cameron Day
Author of The Advertising Survival Guide trilogy. Mentor, mediocrity repellant, and human intelligence advocate. AI pragmatist. Available for speaking, brand-tuning, repositioning, and random F-bomb hurling.
The pitch was a fucking crime scene.
Grisly.
An advertising catastrophe so colossal it deserved its own Ad Age article entitled, "How to Lose a Billion-Dollar Pharma Account in One Felt Whimper."?
“A new dawn rises,” I’d pitched, waving my arms as if my recommended Viagra campaign was going to resurrect libidos and be the very essence of creativity itself.?
They hated it. Hated me. I hated myself for showing it.?
When it was over, the client team slithered out, murmuring the usual platitudes: “Thanks for your time,” “We’ll be in touch,” and “Better luck next time.”??
Next time, my ass. The account was headed straight into review. I could feel it. I’d seen friendlier exits in mafia movies.
Back at the office, I sat at my desk, staring at my collection of One Show pencils and Lions, now nothing more than mocking relics of a once-glorious run.?
These were the spoils of someone who had worked on Nike, Red Bull, and Geico, to name just a few. I had the best directors in the world on speed dial, not that any of them were taking my calls now that I was pedaling pharma.
I’d lived and prospered at the highest altitudes of advertising until the day that headhunter called and talked to me about "life-changing money."?
Now? I was an overpaid hack trying to convince a roomful of pharma execs that "a sunrise" was a metaphor.
Enter Janice.
Janice, the creative admin who smelled like menthols, despair, and possibly a reheated tuna casserole, shuffled into my office with the pity and disdain of someone who constantly has to clean up after other people’s emotional messes.?
Without a word, she dropped a battered book on my desk.
"Stones & Sticks", it was called. WTF?
Cameron Day’s guide to surviving the highest peaks of your ad career—the part where you’re supposed to be king of the mountain, but the altitude can do you in.
I should know.?
“This might help,” Janice muttered, before shuffling out like a cloud of regret in sensible shoes.
I ignored the book for hours. The cover looked like it had been used as a coaster at a frat party.?
Cameron Day? Please.?
The last thing I needed was advice from some ad-world grifter with a famous last name and a trust fund.
But desperation has a way of lowering standards. One night, after polishing off half a bottle of courage and eating an entire sleeve of Oreos, I opened the book.
The first line I read? Brutal. “You will lose. Often. Spectacularly. But loss is where the real work begins.”
I winced.
The next line hit harder. “You’re stuck because you let yourself get stuck. The altitude isn’t the problem. You are.”
And there it was. The slap in the face I didn’t know I needed, but did.
Fueled by the faint glimmer of hope Cameron Day managed to wedge into my cold, cynical heart, I tore into the failed pitch.?
I gutted it. I turned it into something raw and real, a campaign not about selling a drug, but about what it gave back: confidence, swagger, the sense that you’re still alive and desirable.?
By morning, I had it: Gold luck living it down. Humor. Holding up tables and jacking up cars with flat tires. Look ma, no hands. Lol.
The next day, I walked into the office, campaign in hand and tongue planted firmly in cheek, and threw it onto the account director’s desk.?
领英推荐
“Send it,” I said. “Or don’t. But it’s what we should have shown them.”
It was quirky, funny, ballsy AF. The best thing I’d done since I got my deluxe apartment in the sky equipped with oxygen masks.?
My idea was like Benny Hill for a new generation.
How was I to know the client also loved Benny Hill?
As luck would have it, we were both raised on it. Site gags. Well-endowed women. Politically incorrect mirth.?
The client bought it.
Signed off on Terry Gilliam to direct and John Cleese to deliver the mandated legal copy in a female voice.?
The clients an applause track.?
Not only did the campaign run, it worked. Awards followed. My phone started ringing again. Nike didn’t call, but someone better did.?
Someone who’d seen the work and wanted me to steer their global creative.
No more pharma.?
Janice didn’t say much after when I gave notice. She just lit a menthol in front of the "No Smoking" sign and said, “Told you so.”
The book still sits on my desk, battered and stained, its cover slightly warped from a spilled cup of coffee.
I bought Janice a new copy before I left for the new job.
Her response? “I liked the old one better. Smelled like victory.”
And maybe she was right. Sometimes, the smell of menthols and regret is exactly what you need to remember where you came from—and how far you’ve climbed in the wrong direction.
I gave her back her book and mentioned I had an opening for a right-hand person who doesn’t panic under fire.
Janice doubled her salary that day and started her new gig the same day I did. She was my bouncer.
I negotiated a smoking area on the roof specifically in her name.
One floor up, instead of 90 floors down.
Pass the oxygen mask, Janice.?
#theadvertisingsurvivalguide #TASG #adreads
Stones & Sticks is the third and final stage in Cameron Day's Advertising Survival Guide Trilogy, available in paperback and Kindle for all of your higher-altitude problems. Click the link in his bio for all the deets.
Unique, award-winning British voiceovers, helping directors & producers enable brands & businesses to sparkle. Own studio.
2 个月Everyone needs a Janice. I guess I'll just have to make do with the dog. He tends to steal and bring me things he broke. But he does it with joy in his heart and love in his eyes.
Creative Director at Kingdom of Failure
2 个月I like Janice. I'm glad she came out good in the end.