The Tao of Ted Lasso

The show Ted Lasso feels to be a phenomenon of sorts. The protagonist, Ted Lasso, feels aspirational and relatable to so many. His character is nothing short of charming, endearing, sweet, and empathetic. But his character comes with deep wounds that he chooses not to address until he must. Look at the symbolism of Yin & Yang. If we only focus in on one part of this symbol, we can’t see the whole version of ourselves.

Many times, I have had conversations in which people I work with state how they aspire to be like Ted Lasso. This is met with my response, “but what makes Ted Lasso who he is?”

Ted Lasso is who he is because of his wounds. Ted Lasso’s defense mechanisms are what make him charming, approachable, and sweet. Ted’s internal suffering is what gives him access to his pure and gentle side. Ted’s avoidance of his own shadow creates space for others to feel comfortable around him. Yet, Ted is human, and avoiding ourselves for so long can come at a price. With Ted, this comes in the form of panic attacks. Ted’s unconscious eventually wanted Ted to listen and listening for Ted, is about tending to his wounds. Tending to his deep father wounds will allow Ted to be who he is and not have the avoidance of self that generally accompanies him. The therapist in this show handles Ted masterfully.

By the therapist not enrolling in Ted’s unconscious behaviors of disarming, gift-receiving, and seeking immediate deep connection, she becomes a space for him. While safe spaces do not judge, they can still challenge. When the therapist in the show was able to set a firm boundary with him not letting Ted put his wounds on her (the episode where he snaps at her for charging him), she became someone who could really help him work through his wounds and tend to them. That was the moment that she became safe for him.

As wonderful as a human Ted is, I feel it’s important to acknowledge that good people don’t just happen. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross has a quote that says, “the most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known to suffer, known struggle, known loss, and found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, sensitivity, and understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and deep loving concern. Beautiful people don’t just happen.”

So when we say, “I want to be like this person.” There are rich complexities there. That person became that person because of obstacles they chose to address or not address. Our projections are projections for a reason. Do your work. Part of your work is a realization that you can’t step further into connecting deeper in the world without looking at what may be holding you back.

I promise. It’s worth it.

Sean Crotty, MPH, PsyD ( C )

Soul Plus Spirit